A Comfort Thing
by KeziReh24
Summary: Dreams of Doyle haunt Emily. She goes to the one man she knows can help her, the one man that has always stuck by her, the one man that doesn't believe she's losing her mind...the one man she will always love for a million reasons she couldn't put into words. Derek.
1. Chapter 1

**Another multi-chap fic if you'd like, or it could stay a one-shot. I have plans for it though. If you like this idea please let me know in reviews! With all my love, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own this. Never have. Never will. :'(**

It always starts out with a memory. One of the three of them. When he brought her breakfast in bed that morning, how they played in the fields with their son, how every night after everything was calm in the house they would make love under a large white canopied bed. Then it goes back to that warehouse. Him branding her chest, and throwing her around like a rag doll.

This time she broke a lamp, and a glass on her bedside table. She wakes up, and still has the image of his ice cold, cerulean eyes in her head. She can see him everywhere. In her head, on her body. She hates to look at herself in a mirror. She always covers the scars out of shame. It makes her physically sick. She doesn't like to think of the man she turned him into. The one that was so set on revenge he would brutally kill anyone in his way. She thinks she is going crazy, but she so afraid to speak of it on the outside. They'll look at her as being weak. She isn't weak. She will never, ever be weak.

She wont be able to go back to sleep. "I am Emily Prentiss.." her voice is hoarse. Like she has been yelling, but secretly she knows they are screams. She walk into her bathroom to splash her face with water. When she look up in the mirror she doesn't see her reflection, she sees her monster. He is grinning. Giving her that look that he gave her when they saw each other or the first time after she betrayed him. She screams and throws both fists forward. The glass of the mirror smashes in to thousands of little pieces. She cries, and stares at the glass sticking out of her arms. She has to get out. She has to go. She stands and runs out of her apartment crying, and starts running. She didn't grab a coat. Shoes. Anything. She just ran. It's cold. She forgot how under dressed she is. She's only in a tank top, pajama pants, no shoes, and blood streaming around her arms. She doesn't have time to think about how crazy she must look right now. It takes a couple of minutes to get to the house she needs to get to but when she does she knows she can't continue running. "DEREK! Derek..." she yells. When she does a dark figure comes running out of the house.

"Princess?" he asks me. Soon he wraps his arms around her, and lifts her. She curls into his chest, and he picks her up. When they get inside he lays her down on the couch. That's when he notices the red. On him, and their clothes. She was hysterical. She was cold, and shaking. "Em...Emily...Prentiss! Calm down! You're with me now!" he said slow, but firm. She looks up at him, and then takes a few other looks around. "You're safe baby.." he whispers. He strokes her face and makes her focus on him. After a few minutes she returns to reality.

"How...how did I...I..." he stroked her head.

"You walked. I think a better question is how did this happen?" he held up her arms.

"I...don't...don't remember. Derek! I'm not crazy! Please don't say I am crazy..." he shook his head no.

"I would never say that. Let me take care of you baby." he says lightly kissing her neck. He picks her up off the couch, and she wraps her legs around him. She's careful not to lean on him with her forearms. He carries her up the stairs and turns on lights on his way. When he starts toward the bathroom she finds herself freaking out in his arms. "Em...Emily calm down!" he says. "We don't have to look in the mirror. We can sit you so your back is to it baby." he says softly. She nods. He sits her on the counter, and turns the lights all the way on. He shuts the door, and turns on the hot water and a tiny bit of cold water. The steam from the bath will cool her down before actually getting in the bath. Derek sighs, and grabs the first aid kit. He strips of all his clothes except his boxers. He get's the glass out of her arms with a pair of tweezers. He grabs the straps of her tank top, and pulls them down. Instead of going over her head he pulls the tank top down with her sweat pants. She wasn't wearing a bra so all she is wearing is her underwear. He sees the bruises she's left on herself and the cut marks from breaking glass in the middle of the night. The scar on her stomach stands out. As does the patch of white skin where the brand used to be. She got it removed in Paris. Now all that's there is a white blotch. He comes toward her, and stands between her legs. "Princess." he says. She looks down. He traces the bruises she has, and then stands her up. He removes her underwear for her, and does the same with himself. She still isn't warm. She lets him guide them both in the hot bath. He lays down first and she follows. Her head on his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around her. This was their routine every other night since she came back from Paris. They'd slept together before Paris, before Doyle, but they were never in a relationship. Drunken nights, or lonely nights they would go to one another. It was a comfort thing.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for all your reviews! I apologize for the lack of an update. Theater life is demanding.(:**

Emily's eyes fluttered open at the sound of the gate outside moving from the wind. It keeps making that awful sound. She turns to the man that she shares a bed with. He is sleeping peacefully. She takes her finger and runs it down the side of his cheek and onto his neck framing his face. She leans forward and kisses it gently. She moves as swiftly, and easily as she can while slipping out of bed. She goes to the bathroom, and looks at herself in the mirror. She's still naked from earlier. What was she going to do about this? She can't just keep coming to him, depending on him. She hadn't taken her medication. That's what made the dreams so bad. She's supposed to take it everyday so her PTSD isn't as bad. The dreams are what hurt her the most. The never ending dreams. Even when she's awake she goes into a flashback, or she sees him everywhere. She takes too many medications. She takes an anti-depressant, a sleep aid, something for her ulcer...to much.

She stares at herself in the mirror and thinks to herself. _Where did I go? I was so confident, and strong. _The first time Derek touched her since the attack, she freaked out on him when he saw her scars. Shock and sadness was registered as disgust to her. She freaked out on him. Not in an angry way, but in a sad way. A pathetic way. She begged him to touch her. To make her feel hole. She cried, and clung her shirt to her body. Told him they could just, turn the lights off, or she could wear her shirt or...anything. She just needed to feel his love. He looked at her in that sad, lost puppy dog way. He took her into his arms, and kissed her forehead. He told her that no matter what he would always be there for her. He would do anything she needed him to do. In which she replied, _touch me._ They made love that night. Slowly, and passionately.

She walked out of the bathroom, and snuck to his closet. She took out a set of pajamas she once left at Derek's house. She started to put them on, not caring that there wasn't anything underneath. She needed to leave. She was humiliated enough. She knew Derek would never judge her, but she still wanted-no needed-to have some self-respect. Her dignity was gone a long time ago, but her self-respect was still intact. The need to save-face would always be in the Prentiss guide to living a successful life. "Princess? Where you going? It's late." he says looking at her from bed. She turns around and knows she's gotten caught.

"No. It's early." she says with a slight smirk. "I really have to get home. I shouldn't have come here in the first place." she says moving toward the door.

"Baby, you don't have any shoes." he says. She looks down at the floor.

"I know. I'm sorry for doing this to you every other night. I just..." she feels the tears start but she refuses to cry about this anymore.

"You need to take your medication. It's there for a reason." he says laying a hand on her arm.

"I hate those fucking things. They fog everything up! I feel nothing! They make me feel crazy." she finishes turning her back to him.

"You aren't crazy Emily. Just a little sick." he says. "You're healing that's understandable." he says. He wraps his arms around her, and kisses her neck.

"I don't think I'll ever be healthy again." she says wiping a small tear away. "I'm just...I'm so out of it. I'm trying so hard to make people like me again. I can't stand the looks I get. Everyone looks at me like I'm a ghost." she chuckles a bit, but it isn't a happy chuckle. "Probably because I am a ghost." she says moving his arms away.

"Don't try to make people like you then. You shouldn't care what they think." he says. She shakes her head.

"It's not that...it's...Reid. He hates me." she says her lip trembling. She shakes her head a bit. "I can't handle the fact that he hates me." she says her voice cracking. "I try to apologize, but he ignores me. I'm so sorry for what I put him through. I should have never...maybe I did the right thing I don't know. He was going to kill you, and me, and Declan, and Reid...everyone. I couldn't let him hu...hurt you guys." He looks at her with sadness written across his face. He's the only one that really knows the pain she's in. He wraps his arms around her as she cries. "I'm so fucking sick of crying! I want the torture to fucking stop!" she says angrily into his neck. She rips herself out of his arms, and dried her tears a bit too quickly. She grabbed her things. "I walked here, I can walk home." she says. He frowns.

"Emily. It's not safe. It's 4 in the morning, and you don't have shoes or a jacket. There's snow on the ground Emily." he says. She bites her lips.

"Give me a coat, and some shoes then." she replies pulling away from him.

"No." he says. "I won't do that. Come back to bed." he says pulling her closer to him. "Please Emily. I'll drive you home at 6. Plenty of time before we have to work at 8. Please." he begs her. "Take your meds today too." he pulls her to bed, and she lays down with him. "Two more hours baby. Just...two more hours for you to be mine." she nods, and curls into his chest.

* * *

6 o'clock rolled around and Derek didn't want to let her go. She got up anyways, and got him up. She hadn't fallen back asleep. She never falls back asleep. She was still ashamed of her actions in the early morning. He wouldn't judge her, but she still was ashamed. He gave her a coat and some shoes, and got her in the car. On the way home she just curled up in her seat and stared out the window. He pulled up to her place, and she went to get out. He grabbed her arm. "Em." he whispered. "Take your meds. I know they're bad right now, but soon you'll get used to them...you'll start feeling okay again." he says. She doesn't look at him. "Promise me you'll take them. I know you aren't crazy. The medicine does help though baby." he says.

"Okay." she says closing her eyes. She opens the door and walks out. He sighs and grips the steering wheel. How can she not tell how much he loves her? How much he cares about her. A bit later he walks into work clean and refreshed. Emily walks in and she smiles a bit. "Morning Derek." she says. "Look...I'm so sorry about last night. I was just a bit out of whack." she says. He looks at her, and sees that she looks different than she did last night. Less darkness around her.

"No problem." he says. "If you ever need to come over or...anything. I'm here Emily. I'm always here." he says. She takes a deep breath and nods. He reaches for her, and looks around. He pulls her to him, and lays a kiss on her lips.

"Derek...we're at work." she says softly. She has her hands on his face, and she looks around. "No one can find out that you even put your hand on me in an inappropriate way. We could both get fired." she says panicking a tiny bit. "We gotta get to work." she says. They walk out, and he goes to his office while she goes to her desk. She hated when he got that stupid office. It ruined everything. Yeah, the office was a chance at an opportunity to have some really hot office sex, but the both of them were too paranoid about who may see. Their best times took place at their desks. Teasing Reid, or each other. The bull pen was the place she wanted him to be. Now, during the day she never saw him. Penelope walks out and looks at the team in the bull pen.

"We caught a case." she says. "Em, can you get Derek?" she asks. Emily nods, and takes a breath. Cases were starting to become a challenge for her. Working the case was fine. Sleeping in a hotel room, now that reminded her of Paris. When they all get settled at the round table they look at the case. Her and Derek both sat down next to each other, and she reached for his hand under the table. The case was in Cody, Wyoming. This one was going to be a tough one. Young girls going missing. They all packed up, and got ready to go.

* * *

The first night in Cody was a bit rough for Emily, but she managed to sleep somehow. JJ liked to snore, and Emily was scared to close her eyes. She managed to fall asleep, but not with out being a bit scared. That happened for two nights in a row. The third night went different though. It had been three days and only two of the young girls that were missing had been found. Somehow their captor managed to get away both times. The case was haunting Emily, and her head ache was the worst. She couldn't sleep. She didn't know what possessed her to do it. She had never done this on a case before. Soon she was standing, and walking toward the hotel room door. She opened it, and looked around in the hallway. JJ was sleeping so she tried to be as quiet as possible. She walked across the hall, and knocked on the other door. "Derek.." she whispered. Soon the door opened to the hotel room.

"Hey...Reid is sleeping. Why aren't you with Jay?" she looked at the ground, and got closer to him. She hugged herself tight, and didn't meet his eyes.

"I...I wanted you." she said while looking up to him. He smirked. "Just...come back to my room with me. Just until I fall asleep. Please, Derek?" he nodded. They looked both ways, and then went into JJ and her's room. She checked to see if JJ was still asleep. When JJ didn't move at the sound of her name Emily waved Derek in. they both went to lay on the bed. They wrapped up in the blanket, and he held her tight. She dug her head in his chest, and he rubbed circles on her back. He kissed her forehead. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and that made it better for her. She loved to lay her head on his skin. He stroked her hair.

"I like it better like this when we're naked.." she said with a small chuckle.

"Why? Besides the fact...you know...you love the view." he said laughing a little louder, but still keeping in mind the sleeping JJ on the other bed next to them.

"Well...the feel of your skin against mine is comforting. It makes me feel safer, and vulnerable at the same time. I just...like it better." he smiled down at her.

"I do too, but...I don't think JJ would like waking up to a naked you." he chuckled a bit.

"Whhaatttt?" she said in a long drawn out voice. "Everybody loves waking up to a naked Emily Prentiss! I've heard a respected man say that it was the best part of his day once." she said in a very matter of fact way.

"You think I'm a respected man?" he said with a straight face that soon turned into laughter. They both laughed for a bit, but then took comfort in the silence. Soon he heard a light snore that brought a smile to his face, and a sparkle in his eye. "I love you Emily Prentiss..." he whispered. He used to say it to her when she slept. It was just easier than saying it when she could actually hear him. He then maneuvered, and got out of the bed. He quietly left the room totally unaware of an awake JJ. She kept her back turned the whole time, jaw dropped, and in shock. She laid there like so many times before on a case, and listened to Emily's light snoring. What did she mean? How had they seen each other naked? Did she hear Morgan say he "loves" Emily? She gulped, and closed her eyes attempting to sleep. She would deal with this tomorrow, or should she? They were on a case, an that would be...an awkward thing to bring up in the middle of the case. She decided she would wait until they got back. Maybe she would drop by or something.

* * *

The next day JJ couldn't stop thinking about Emily and Morgan. She had never noticed how much contact they have had lately. She would brush against him, or he would lay a hand on her thigh under a table. Little things now that she knew. She couldn't stop seeing signs now. Maybe because before she wasn't looking for them. She didn't know how to approach this. She could talk to Emily first, maybe? Emily had been distant lately, more vulnerable. She could talk to Derek first. Yeah. Confronting Derek would be easier.

When the plane landed JJ decided she would go see her boy, and then go and confront Derek. Henry was so happy to see his mommy. She hugged, and kissed Will then waited for Henry to get settled into bed. She told Will about what she heard, and he agreed that she should tell them she knows. Let them know she would never say anything. She drove the short 30 minutes to Derek's house, and got out of her car. She knocked on the door, and heard a woman's voice say something about pizza. When Derek opened the door she was a bit shocked. She had caught them red handed. She didn't even know what to say.

Derek was standing there only in jogging shorts with an Emily wrapped around him from behind in a piggy back ride. She was in only his old football jersey. It was hanging off of her bare shoulder, and was draped around her pale thighs. Both expressions changed from smiles to shock, and Emily slid off of Derek's back. Emily's fingers went straight to her mouth. Derek just sighed, and looked down at the money in his hands. "Jayjie." Emily said in a low quiet voice. It was clearly a statement.

"I...I came here to talk to Morgan about...it seems I caught you all at a bad time. I'm gonna leave you guys to it...bye." JJ said quickly. Derek lightly grabbed her arm, and sighed a bit.

"No...JJ we..we need to talk about this. We ordered pizza, it'll be here soon. Come on...come inside. We need to explain." JJ looked at Derek. Everything he just said was awkward, and seemed uncomfortable but was true. They did need to talk about this. JJ nodded, and walked through the door. The couple looked at each other, and nodded. Emily left, and came back with yoga petal pushers under the over sized football jersey. She looked a bit more nervous. The pizza guy had come, but no one in the room felt like eating.

Derek put on a shirt, and they both sat on the couch in front of the couch JJ was sitting at. Emily's finger nails went back into her mouth. She was nervous. "How? How did you find out?" Emily asked quietly.

"The other night. I was...awake. I heard your guys' conversation. I didn't really think much of it. I knew you two were close...I just..was a little shocked when I heard him getting into bed with you. Then...the conversation after that. I...I'm sorry." she says softly. "How long has this been going on?" Derek looked at his hands and Emily bit her lip. "How long guys?"

"Since you and Will have been-" JJ looks at them surprised and a bit angry.

"You two have been having sex behind our backs for 5 and a half years!?" she yells a bit standing up.

"It's...just...sex. We didn't think...we didn't...it isn't even a relationship. It was...we're friends, and sometimes we have sex with each other." she added. "It's just for...comfort, and release. Neither of us ever had time for a real date, and...we..." Emily stumbled panicking a bit.

"Em, you're my best friend though. Why didn't you tell me about this?" JJ said sounding really hurt.

"I just...didn't...I just...wanted to keep this to myself. I told you guys everything. Everything about my life. I just...didn't want you guys to know. It was my...my secret." Emily said. "I'm sorry."

"Well you've been keeping a lot of secrets lately." JJ said. Emily's lip trembled. That was a low blow. "Penny will be so hurt you guys didn't tell her." she said lower. The couples heads snapped up.

"You can't tell her!" Derek said loudly. "You can't!"

"I know we should, but...I..." Emily said almost in tears.

"She deserves to know. We all deserved to know! We're your family!" JJ said standing up too. She was really mad now. Emily stood up too.

"NO! No...no...please JJ." Emily said the barriers finally breaking and the stress making her hyperventilate. "I...we can't! We can't tell the team because...because If Hotch finds out then...he will have to...I'll have too quit. I'll have to quit my family. I wont be able to work in the BAU. I wont be able to work in the FBI. I'll have to move so I can work! Strauss hates me! There will be no...special treatment. There will be nothing! I will be nothing...Derek wont quit his job. I won't let that happen. It means too much to him. Plus Strauss wont fire him! She will fire me. She'll make me go away again, and I don't want to leave. You guys are the only thing keeping me alive right now. I can't lose you all, not after all we've been through. Not again. I just...I just got you back. I can't do this. Why did you have to find out?! If I wasn't so scared we wouldn't have gotten caught. I'm so weak and that's how JJ found out. Goddamn it why?" she asks the tears falling. JJ watched in shock as her best friend paced and rambled. "What if...maybe it should end, but it can't end." she was talking to herself by now. Not even acknowledging the other two people in the room. "Who would I go to when I had a bad dream? Or if I forgot my pills? What about the next time I break some glass?" she says. Derek approaches her, and wrapped his arms around her. "Stop it Derek. JJ's here." she says pushing him away. "I have to go. I need space, and time. Time and space. I need...I'm sorry Derek. I'm sorry I should. I should..." she says breathing hard. "They are going to be so mad at us, Derek...they're going to hate me even more." Derek tried to calm her rambling. It was like something inside her snapped. Like when she smashed the mirror, and told the team she tripped and fell onto some glass that Sergio knocked over. Nobody thought she may be lying. JJ just sat there watching in shock. Suddenly Emily ran to the bathroom. Derek stood there looking at his hands with a sad face.

"She, uhh...has an ulcer. When she...get's like this she throws up usually. You need to leave...please Jay. I'll talk to you about everything tomorrow." JJ frowned at how sad he looked.

"Will she be okay?" JJ asked softly worried about her friend. Derek nodded.

"I'll probably have to calm her down, and make her take her meds. If she does that she'll be okay." Derek said. He led JJ out the door and hugged her for a minute. She hugged him back, and left. She looked in his eyes, and saw a darkness that scared her. It was a sad darkness. A darkness that told her that Emily wasn't the only one being haunted.

He went back into the house, and straight for the bathroom Emily was in. He held her hair as she emptied her stomach. She washed out her mouth, and apologized to Derek. "Did JJ leave?" she said embarrassed, and sad.

"Yeah, babe. She left. You should go lie down. I'll get something small for you to eat so you can take your medicine." she looked down at the sink, and watched the water run.

"I don't really feel like eating." she said quietly. "I just want to lay down. I think I'm gonna go home, Derek. We can...talk tomorrow." she said. She ran out the door, and made it to the car before he could stop her.

"Emily...Emily! Wait!" he ran to the side of her door. She looked at him with tears in her eyes. He knew she wouldn't come back tonight, and he wasn't even going to argue with her. "Just please...eat something. Take your meds. Please Emily. Text me, and let me know if you took them. You have to. You can't skip out on those again." she nodded, and backed out of the drive way. When she got home she was met by Sergio. She smiled down at him, and hugged him. She breathed in Derek's scent on his jersey that she was still wearing. She went straight to her couch, and laid down. Soon she fell fast asleep. She was exhausted. She forgot. She forgot to take her meds. She forgot to text Derek. She forgot everything.

**Well! Here is your second chapter! Be sure to leave reviews! Will JJ tell? How will Emily react to not taking any of her medicines? I'll try to update tomorrow night if possible. I have one show going on right now, and mock auditions for something else tomorrow. Wish me luck!(: I LOVE REVIEWS! THEY MAKE ME HAPPY INSIDE, AND HAPPINESS IS THE PERFECT MOTIVATION FOR A GREAT AUDITION! Lol! Anyways, thank you for reading. It means a lot that you would take that time out of your day to read this. :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and a special thanks to those who wished me luck! I think it was you guys because it went GREAT. This is a VERY rough chapter. Bear with me, and please don't hate me!): ENJOY!**

After a couple hours with still no text Derek started to worry. A few texts from JJ saying she was sorry, and she really wanted to keep talking. It was a bit late now though. JJ drove back to Derek's house, but when she went to knock the door opened to reveal Derek. He had his jacket on, some jeans, his boots, and he was holding his keys. "Hey? I was just here to talk to you. I wanted to make sure Em was okay. She is dodging my calls, and...I was just worried." she says a bit sadly. "I didn't mean to react that way. It just hurt a bit." Derek sighed and nodded.

"She left right after you did. I told her to text me when she took her meds, but she hasn't texted me yet. I'm going over to check on her. You should follow me to her apartment. I...I may need help." he says. They drove the couple blocks to Emily's condo. They rode the elevator up, and heard yelling when they got to her floor.

* * *

_"Ian...Ian..." she moaned as they made love. He smiled and leaned up to kiss her. He kissed down her neck, and whispered 'I love you' in her ear. She moaned out, and said it back. After they were done they both lay there. _

_"Lauren...you're gorgeous." he says brushing hair out of her face. Just then they heard a yell, and a sob. They both shot out of bed. He put his boxers on and she put her robe on. She ran out the door, and into Declan's room. He was sitting on the bed crying. Emily ran and held him close to her chest. _

_"Lauren..." he cried holding onto her. "I had a bad dream." he said. She held onto him, and stroked his hair. Ian sighed. When Declan was back asleep Ian looked at Emily. _

_"You have to stop babying the boy Emily. He needs to learn how to be a man." he says a bit angry. "There are monsters out there, and he needs to know that they are real." Ian says. Emily looked at him in anger._

_"He's just a boy Ian! He's a little boy. Let him be a child before you take it away any innocence he has left when he comes of age. He'll kill a man at 13 and you won't bat an eye. He has the chance to be innocent. Let him." Emily says going back to the bedroom. Ian sighs and follows her._

_"I can't help what I am..." Ian says. "This is how I was raised. I don't know another life." he says._

_"But Declan can know another life." she says putting her hands on his chest, and moving close to him._

_"I don't want him too though. I know you don't agree with me, but I will raise my boy my way. I love you Lauren, and I'm sorry for snapping at you back there. You are right. He is just a boy." he says kissing her head. He opens her robe, and let's it fall. He takes his hand, and moves it down her neck. When he hits a spot on her breast though, she let's out a scream from the pain. She's not naked anymore. She's clothed, and she's tied to a chair. Ian is branding her skin, and she can't stop screaming._

* * *

JJ and Derek made it to her door, and they busted through it. Emily was screaming on the floor. She was in a corner, just screaming. Derek went to approach her, but her eyes were wide and glassy. She wasn't there. She was in a tiny little ball, and she had blood on her face. It was coming from her hand. She smashed a vase. Derek approached her, but she threw a punch at him. "Emily! Emily it's me! It's Derek Morgan! Emily. You're in your house. You're in Virginia. You work at the BAU. JJ is here too. You know JJ." he says quietly. She looks around her.

"Derek?" she gasps. He nods his head. She's still looking around. "He's gonna find me. He's gonna hurt me again." she says reaching for him. He wraps his arms around her and put's her in his lap.

"He will never hurt you again Emily." Derek whispers to her. JJ just watches in shock. "JJ...the first aid kit is in the bathroom. Can you help me out here?" he asks sweetly. Emily closes her eyes, and cries for a bit. Once her heartbeat stopped beating so fast he started to take care of her. Emily was sweating, and shaking. Her eyes were still open. For the first time in her life JJ was scared of her friend, scared for her friend. Moving back and forth scanning the room waiting for something to rip her out of her lovers arms. He took her to the bathroom, and turned on every light in her house. He wet a cloth with freezing water, and padded her head. He stroked her face till she relaxed. He whispered in her ear, and soon she was clinging to him. He removed his shirt so he didn't get any blood on it. Luckily none got on the jersey she was wearing. He ran some water over the wound watching her wince. When the blood was clean he slipped the jersey off of her body, and left her in her bra and underwear. He sterilized it, and wrapped it up with gauze. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, and she buried her head in his neck. He carried her to her couch, and went to get her some food. He was met with a pale JJ in his kitchen. "JJ...she's sick. You can't tell Hotch, or anybody about what you just saw. She doesn't want her family thinking she's crazy."

"No...we wont. We wont think she's crazy. How could she think that?" he took out a piece of bread, and put butter and jelly on it. He took it to Emily, and made her eat it. She had her head down even more embarrassed than she was earlier. She ate it then took her pills like she was supposed to. He picked her up bridal style and took her to her bedroom. When she was tucked in she fell asleep quickly because he slipped a sleeping pill in with the others. She needed to sleep. She hadn't been sleeping. She had become way to dependent on him, and if he had to admit it he would say she did need help. She wasn't crazy, but she was sick. She needed to talk to someone.

After Derek put Emily to bed he made JJ some tea. That man messed her up, and her healing was taking way to long. He knew that. She knew that. Now her best friend knew that. JJ couldn't process what she just saw. She hadn't known Emily was that sick. She just didn't know. She was scared. Terrified that if Emily kept living like this she was going to make herself crazy. "She is just scared right now...of everything. She doesn't want people judging her for her sins, and they shouldn't..." he sighed loudly, and sat on the couch.

"But they do...I will never let Emily know that, but they do. The team doesn't. Her mother does. The other people in the bureau. The Senator, everybody. Strauss doesn't after she had to hear everything that she had to endure." JJ says sitting next to him. "How are you coping with everything? I mean...I heard you tell her you loved her the other night." he looked down at his hands as he heard her say this. He shook his head back and forth.

"I do love her JJ. I...just...she doesn't need that on top of everything now. We told you the truth. It really was just sex all those years. I didn't realize how much I loved her till she was gone." he says getting emotional. "Taking care of her is the only thing on my mind lately. I need to make sure she takes her medicine in the mornings, and at night. I need to make sure she has someone to talk to. She's at a point to where I am so scared that if I leave her alone she will do something stupid, and hurt every single one of us. Before she got the medicine, she told me about how scared she was of living. How everything frightened her. It did. She would look in the mirror, and all she would see was him. He would be lurking in the shadows. She told me that sometimes people may be better off with out her." JJ's eyes widened at this.

"She always acts so fine at work. I knew something was off with her, but I didn't know how to approach her. I thought she was just healing." JJ says her own tears forming. Derek shakes his head.

"She said she was stupid. She was a slut. She said she was heartless...she was depressed, really depressed. Her meds help though. The only reason I don't think she would ever do anything like that is because she thinks she is going to Hell. She is so scared. She is scared of living, and she is scared of dying. I just hope she never starts to think that she's living in Hell already." he says taking a breath.

"I'm here. I can help you guys. We're all here Derek." JJ says to him with a small smile. "Why don't you let her know that you want more? It would be good for her." he says. "I just...I hurt so bad every time I even think about losing her. We are living a scared life, and that isn't how I think we should live. I want to marry her. I want to dress her all in white, and watch Rossi walk down the isle with her. I want her to meet me at the front and kiss me after she says 'I do'. I know that may never happen though. It can't happen as long as she is afraid of life, and death. And it can't happen as long as I'm afraid for her." he had tears in his eyes, and was looking into space. They sat there a little bit longer until JJ arose from the couch, and patted him on the back. She said goodbye, and asked if he can give her an update on Emily. He nodded, and rubbed his hands together. He then went home leaving Emily a note that read _"__Weren't sure how you would feel about me staying. JJ opened up a giant door last night, and I don't know when you want to talk about it with me. No matter what. We do need to talk about all of this. I don't really understand anything right now. Last night...JJ, and I talked. I thought long and hard about a lot of this, but I need to know how you really feel about me. See you at work, Emily."_

* * *

"Derek...can you get the alarm babe?" the alarm was blasting in Emily's bedroom. "Derek! Please!" she rolled over to find some contact with the man she loves. Finding an open space next to her she opened her eyes to find the space empty. "Derek!? Where are you?" she said. She started to panic. He was always with her when she woke up. She looked in the bathroom, and in her kitchen hoping to find him showering or cooking. She took a deep breath when she saw the small note sitting atop of her coffee table. When she read it she sat down on her couch slowly. Tears pricked at her eyes because she knew something was wrong. She thought hard about what happened last night, the sleeping pills making things fuzzy. It all came back to her, clearly. At first she was hurt. Then she felt somewhat embarrassed. JJ saw her like that. JJ threatened to tell the team. She rambled. Had an outburst. She made it seem like they weren't anything to her. They were though. She did her morning routine much faster. Right before she left she took her pills, and downed them with water. She ran out her door, and got to work.

When she got to the BAU everything was moving slowly. They had just got back from the case, and they were excited about not having to go out again. Emily saw Derek in the coffee room, and she walked toward him, and laid her hand on his arm. "Why did you leave last night? I missed you this morning." she said with a small smile. He looked up from his coffee, and didn't even smile.

"Emily we can't pretend nothing happened last night." he said in a way more harsh tone than she expected. She furrowed her brow, and felt a rush of pain wash over her. Then anger.

"That's not what I was doing! I was being nice to you." she exclaimed.

"Emily...did you take your meds this morning? I wasn't there to make sure you took them." he asked changing the subject.

"Yeah. I won't forget again." she says softly. Tears pricked her eyes after he said what he did. How could he? He knew the loss of her independence was a big thing for her. Why would he say something like that? "Last night was humiliating enough. You don't have to remind me." that's when she saw him. Really saw him. The bags under his eyes, and the irritated look. "Are you okay? Did you sleep at all last night?" she asked him momentarily forgetting about his comment.

"Emily. It doesn't matter. Let's just go." he says walking out. He was being really mean to her, and she didn't even know why. She felt anger heat up within her. She saw JJ and pulled her into her old office.

"What did you say to him? What did you talk about? Tell me now." Emily says looking at her angrily. JJ froze. She couldn't tell Emily what Derek said.

"We just talked." JJ said looking at a distressed Emily. "Why?" Emily huffed.

"He's being an ass to me and I don't know what I did." Emily said. "What did you guys talk about?" she asked JJ again.

"Nothing Em." JJ says. Emily got red with anger.

"We were fine before you showed up at the house! Just fine. I didn't know where he was this morning because he left last night. Wrote me a note about how you opened a big door for us. How we needed to talk..." Emily paused and looked at her friend. "We never had to talk about us before you showed up and ruined everything." Emily said. She knew she was being irrational, but she couldn't help it. Her mind was foggy from her meds, and she didn't want to have to deal with this right now. She felt her eyes get watery but Emily wasn't going to let JJ see her shed anymore tears. Not after last night. Then it struck Emily...JJ saw her freak out. Saw her chasing a ghost. She looked down at her wrapped hand. JJ probably thought she was crazy.

Emily escaped to the bathroom. She walked quickly, but casually. She wasn't going to do this here. She wasn't going to cry. She put on the determined face that shielded her emotions from the world. She looked at herself in the mirror and whisper the only words that ever got her back to normal. "I am Emily Prentiss." She went back out, and ignored the worried looks from all her team mates. Almost all of her team mates.

She did her work quietly, and pushed through the pain her left hand was giving her. Typing hurt like a bitch. When Penelope asked what happened, Emily simply responded a vase fell. Garcia didn't ask any questions, but she knew more questions would probably be asked later. She knew she couldn't keep her secret for long.

The rest of the day she didn't even look at Morgan. That is what she would call him too. Morgan. He mostly stayed in his office though. When the end of the day came she went to her house, and waited for Derek. Finally she heard a knock at her door. She sat there, and said "Come in." she kept her blanket wrapped around her, and continued to watch TV. She could feel him behind her, but she didn't turn around. "Do you want to talk now, or do you want to look at my pill box to make sure I took today's dosage? You wouldn't want me to have another little...outburst." she said standing up, and going to her kitchen not making eye contact. She was still very hurt by his comment earlier.

"Em. I'm sorry for what I said earlier...I just...I haven't been sleeping much, and I'm nervous about this conversation we have to have." he says.

She got out her wine, and glass. She poured as she listened to him talk. She looked at the look on his face then chugged it. "I may regret that later, but by the look on your face I'm going to need it." she out her elbows on the table, and sighed. "What do you want to talk about?" she said completely ignoring his apology.

"I'm tired of this." he said simply. She furrowed her brow.

"Tired of what? Being with me?" she said sadly. He can't be doing this to them. Not now. Not while she was still healing.

"Tired of being scared with you. Tired of bandaging you up. Tired of reminding you to take your pills. Tired of knowing that whatever we had can never go anywhere." her lip trembled but she kept composure. She poured another glass, and downed it quickly. "You should stop drinking. It's going to upset your stomach." he says grabbing the bottle of wine. She snatched it back from him, and looked at him with all the anger she could manage. Her pills made it hard to feel emotions. When she was under enough stress though, like this morning. It was definitely possible.

"You don't dictate how I live. You really should stop worrying about me if you're so tired of me." she says bitterly. She didn't know how to react to what he was saying. She couldn't let him know how scared she was to be without him. Plus, anger was easier to feel than any other emotion.

"Emily. You know that's not what I'm trying to say. I don't want this to be just about sex anymore. I want people to know. I want our family to know, and I want something real." he says. She closes her eyes.

"Derek...you know why people can't know." she said quietly. "And it stopped being sex the second time that night in New Orleans."

"I don't know why people can't know. We need to tell our friends. We have been sneaking around for five and a half years!" he says raising his voice a tiny bit.

"I want them to know too, but...what if Strauss decides that how we feel isn't worth it? We are going to have to go through so much. What am I supposed to do? Are we going to break up, and go through constant pain everyday? Or am I going quit my job, and leave the team feeling like they just got me back. Not to mention I just betrayed all of their trust by keeping a secret relationship with you for five and a half years. I just got their trust back. I just came back. I can't leave them again." she says. Derek's jaw clenches.

"Emily you never came back to us." Derek says. "You...you aren't that strong courageous woman that I had a fling in New Orleans with five and a half years ago. You are a shell of that woman. A woman that doesn't know if she wants to live or die. A woman that is stuck in between. You don't go out anymore Emily! You stay with me all day! You flinch when I touch you, and you scream when you sleep. You wont even look at yourself in the mirror. You give the team stupid excuses for the cuts on your body because you don't want them to know how much of your mind you have absolutely lost. You constantly doubt yourself! You are ashamed of yourself. That is no way to live, and I can't live being in pain for you anymore! I can't handle always being scared! I want a life with you, and I want to come home to you! If that involves one of us losing our jobs what ever! I want to come home to you. I want to...love you everyday of my life with out fear of being caught. I want to have a big yard with a dog, and..." he looked down at his hands. "I want kids with you. I want that life. I love you so much Emily." he says. She let's a few tears fall.

"I love you too. I want that too but-" he cuts her off. His own tears forming.

"But what? Why can't you just love me like I love you? We can heal together." he says. He was angry at her inability to form an answer. "I can't do this anymore. If you can't try for me then I can't live like this anymore! I can't move on. I need too, but I know I that I will never be able to as long as you are above ground. I will always love you. I need you, but I...I'm at a cross road Emily. I can't...I just...can't." he was screaming at her, and the first time in her life she was scared of him. She had backed into a corner. "I can't live my life constantly taking care of a person who is afraid to admit she is losing her fucking mind!" he said loudly. The last words he said made her feel a sharp pain in her heart. Her jaw dropped, and she looked at him shocked. His dropped too, and he realized what he had said. "Emil-" she stopped him and fumed with anger. He was always quick to tell her that she was sane.

"Get out." she whispers pouring more wine.

"Em..." he says quieter. "I'm so-" she turns to him again. Fire in her eyes.

"I said get out!" she says raising her voice. He looks at her, and sees how far he went.

"Em-" just then her wine glass went flying at him.

"I said get the FUCK OUT OF MY HOME!" she says her lips continuing to tremble. He got the message and he turns around to leave. When he get's to the door, he opens it, but turns back to her.

"I'm so sorry Emily. I didn't mean it." he says letting out a small sob at the same time. "I didn't...I love you so much. Stop drinking or you're going to make yourself sick." he says. "Your ulcer can't take that. Take your meds too. They'll help you." he says.

"Not like you really care." she whispers after the door shuts. She puts the bottle to her lips and takes a large swig of the drink. She needs something stronger.

**So please don't hate me! Please! I know it's rough, but I swear to you this is DEMILY! Have hope. It will be rough though. Healing isn't a great process. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Please REVIEW! I need them.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all the reviews. I love them so much, and they really help to motivate me. Enjoy the read. It's rough again. I'm sorry for those who I'm killing. I will revive you soon! A bit of Lauren/Doyle in this chapter. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAGET! She's looks too good for her age.**

Her phone was ringing non-stop. She could hear it from the bathroom. _It could be work. _She thought to herself. She made her way to her living room, and looked at her calls. One from JJ, two from Penelope, six from Derek, and one from Hotch. She dialed Hotch's number and called him back. It had been a whole night since Derek left. She hadn't slept yet. In fact she had been throwing up. Not sobering either. She was still fairly drunk. "Prentiss?" Hotch asks on the other side.

"Um...yeahh...you called?" she slurs a bit.

"I was just wondering if you were okay. You seemed off today." he says. He's been checking up on her since everything has happened. He's worried about her, and she understands that.

"I am fine." she states simply. "Stop worrying about me. Stop it Hotchner." she slurs. Hotch's eye brows raise and he is complete oblivious to everything that has happened to her.

"Emily. Have you been drinking?" he asks her.

"Just a little bit. It made me sick." she says. Her lip trembles. "I'm really sad Aaron...I'm having that bad day we talked about and...I don't think it will get better." she says starting to cry a bit. "I have to go now. I'm gonna sleep." she says she then hangs up and dials another number. Hotch tries to call her back but she doesn't answer him. She needs that person. When the phone goes through she starts crying again. "JJ?" she asks when the phone is answered.

"Emily?" she asks a bit worried. "I tried calling you but I just assumed that you and Der-" even in her drunken mind she didn't want to hear his name.

"Don't JJ. He's gone. He left. Can we just pretend this never happened? That I didn't fuck up because I was a needy little bitch and didn't want to sleep alone in a fucking hotel room. That I didn't ruin everything by not hiding it well enough. By letting you find out." she snaps harshly. Mostly mad at herself. "I need a fucking cigarette." she slurs a bit. JJ is silent.

"Em...have you been drinking?" JJ asks slowly. Emily feels anger fill her.

"Who the fuck cares if I have or haven't been! I'm a grown ass woman! No...wait...I'm a crazy grown ass woman." she says. She stumbles around her apartment trying to find a pack of cigarettes.

"Emily, you aren't crazy." JJ says softly. Emily scoffs.

"Derek said it. Derek doesn't lie to me JJ." Emily says sadly. She put on her best Derek voice. "_I can't live my life constantly taking care of a person who is afraid to admit she's losing her fucking mind!_" Emily quotes to JJ. Losing her fucking was the truth.

"He said that to you?" JJ said in shock. They had talked though. That wasn't what he told JJ.

"Your guys' talk last night did so much good by the way. I have to go drink more. Bye Jay." Emily says. She hangs up the phone, and JJ starts to panic a bit. Later on JJ is at Emily's door pounding on it. "GO AWAY!" she hears from inside the house.

"Emily! Open up." JJ yells. Emily just laid on the couch.

"I said GO AWAY!" Emily yells from the couch. She takes her phone and makes a final call through tears. It goes to voice-mail, and she feels the pain inside of her. "Derek." she whispers. "I don't know what to do. You were right. I don't now what to do with out you. I have become fully dependent on you. Last night I tried to cry myself to sleep like I usually do, but...with out your arms all I wanted to do was drink more and more. My stomach hurts so bad, and I know I should stop drinking but I feel so sad. I need you to come to me. I will try so hard to be better. We can pretend. I'll start taking my medicine. I'll...I'll try not to scream in my sleep. I can get that medicine that makes me sleep so I don't dream anymore. I can smile during the day, and I can...I can quit my job. The rest of the team didn't care for me as much as you did..." the phone beeps. She groans and dials the number again. "Where was I? Um...I don't know. I love you. I can pretend to not be afraid...I love you Derek. I can try harder. Please..." the phone beeps again and she yells at it. "GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!" instead of ending though he picks up.

"Emily are you okay?" Derek asks her.

"No." she answers. "I didn't sleep last night. I'm a stupid, needy, ungrateful little bitch. You were right I have lost my mind, and you don't deserve that. I wish I could let you go and let you be happy. I can't though. I'm too fucking selfish." she cries into the phone. Derek could hear the slur in her voice.

"I love you too Emily, and I know you're...in a bad place, but I can't..." he stops when he hears JJ call out.

"Emily! I'm coming in! I found your spare key." JJ says. She looks at Emily in confusion. "Who are you talking too?" JJ asks.

"Em. Let JJ take care of you." he says before hanging up. She throws her phone across the room, and JJ watches it smash against the wall.

"I don't want JJ to take care of me." she whispers angrily. "JJ. Why is he doing this? What did I do...that was so wrong? What did I do to make him hate me? He says it's love, but it isn't. He hates me for making him have to take care of me." she asks her lip trembling.

"Emily...tell me what happened honey." JJ says getting on the couch, and pulling Emily on top of her. They cuddle like this sometimes when Emily was going through something or because it was just comfortable. JJ was her best friend.

"He wants something normal, and...I can't be normal. I can't change for him, and I...I can't give him what he wants. He wants that big house, and that family. I can't give him children JJ. I didn't want to tell him that. It wasn't...wasn't ever brought up, but I talked to a doctor. There's a 35% chance I will ever get pregnant." she says her voice cracking. "The wooden stake stabbed me in a few of my organs. Even if I do get pregnant it may be dangerous to...to go full term." she says. JJ holds her. "He wants so much. I really am holding him back." Emily says.

"He loves you Emily." JJ states.

"No he doesn't, and I know why...I am a fuck up...a major fuck up. All of you guys are so...amazing, and I...I don't deserve people like you to take care of me. He doesn't deserve that. He is amazing, and wonderful. He has never been mean to me before. I have been a burden on him ever since I came back. To all of you. You all should hate me...I lied, and I almost got you killed. I lied to you all. I...I...aborted my only chance at having a child. I..I did drugs repeatedly. I...I fell in love with a terrorist. I killed...so many people...even if they deserved it. I am a messed up basket case, and I don't understand what you like about me at all. All I...everything thing I did...I..." Emily stopped in the middle of her sentence. "You should just go." JJ shakes her head.

"Nope. You're stuck with me till you're sober." JJ says. Emily sighs.

"Okay Jayjie." Emily says as she yawns. Her eyes flutter, and her tears start to dry. Soon she was giving a light snore. JJ prepared herself for the bad dreams Emily may have. She laid Emily down on the couch where she was and let the woman sleep off the alcohol. JJ made some dinner for the brunette, and washed most of her dishes. She was so worried. Maybe Emily is very sick. Maybe for lack of a better word, this trauma is making her a bit crazy.

* * *

_"Emily! Stop. Look at yourself." she hears. She is walking in a room full of mirrors with her eyes closed. She's afraid of what she'll see if she opens her eyes. "Emily." her voice calls for her. She opens her eyes, and sees herself. Her hair is darker and she looks younger. She's in a white outfit. A ring around her neck, and an angry look on her face. "Emily! You killed him." she says._

_"I...he hurt us..." Emily stutters. "Lauren he hurt both of us." Emily says to herself in the mirror. _

_"NO! HE HURT YOU! I LOVED HIM!" she screams out. Emily shakes her head. _

_"No. No. We are the same person. I don't love Ian Doyle. I hate him. He is a monster." Emily says. Lauren shakes her head._

_"No he isn't. He is a father, and a lover. He never once hurt me. You are just a little bitch. You took him away from us." Lauren says anger in her voice. "You could never do the things I could." she spits._

_"I refuse to do the things you could do. You are a killer. You love a terrorist." Emily replies. Lauren walks closer. No longer a reflection in a mirror. She's there. In front of her. _

_"But Emily...you always forget...I'm you too. Lauren Reynolds is Emily Prentiss." she says cocking her head to the side with an evil smirk. "You love Ian too. You loved sex with him. You loved when we made love to him..." Lauren whispers._

_"Good sex isn't love Lauren." she says. Lauren shakes her head at the older woman. _

_"But it was love. If he wasn't a terrorist, would you have married him? You know you would've. Didn't it cross your mind once in a while that you and him could run from Interpol, run from the team, make love to Ian all day in a remote place where no one would ever find you? I know you did. I was there Emily Prentiss. Now you are nothing. Not even Derek wanted you. You need to do it. I know that you want to see him. I want to see him. You know he's waiting for you in that dark place." Lauren says smiling with tears in her eyes. She really wants to be with him. "Remember how it felt when you were at the hospital and downed all those pills. You knew they could save you. It was a failed attempt. No one ever knew. You went to that dark place and it felt so good to see him again." Lauren says.  
_

_"NO!" Emily yells at Lauren. "NO NO NO NO NO! It was terrifying, and I hated it." Emily says to Lauren. "GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO GO GO!" Emily screams closing her eyes tight and falling. _

_"Emily. It's just me." Ian says wrapping his arms around her. "Emily. Emily."_

_"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Emily screamed pushing Ian away._

Her eyes snap open and she is still screaming. Still fighting him, no her, no JJ! Emily stopped her movements when she saw that she wasn't fighting Ian. She was fighting JJ. At first all she saw were those striking blue eyes. Then she saw the long blonde hair, and the concerned look. "Emily!" JJ yelled. Emily stopped her movements, and stared at her friend. "I'm so sorry JJ!" she said loudly while JJ was still holding her forearms.

"It's fine Em." JJ says. Emily wraps her arms around JJ and JJ pulls her close. Emily's head goes to JJ's chest and she holds on tight. _You can never love Derek fully, half of you will die loving Ian._

"WHY IS SHE STILL HERE!" Emily yells out loud. JJ pulls back quickly.

"Who Emily?" JJ asks worried about her friend.

"No...no one...I'm sorry JJ." Emily says quickly pulling away. "I need to take the medication for my ulcer. It could be bad if I don't. I can't believe I drank that much. It was such a bad idea." she says moving around looking for her box. She winces as she puts a hand to her stomach. JJ grabs her pills and her plate.

"I made some dinner for you. Here are your pills." JJ says with a small smile. Emily smiles a bit too.

"You're a good best friend." Emily says. "I'm sorry I've been all over the place since Derek left. It's just really hard with out him. I love him so much, and I just...it's hard to miss something that you never actually had." Emily whispers a bit. She takes a bite of her food, and smiles. "Whoah Jay! This is fantastic!" she says eating more.

"I tried. You looked like you haven't been eating lately. I needed to make something super delicious so you couldn't resist taking more than one bite." JJ says with a laugh.

"Well, it worked." Emily replies.

"So...what happened with Derek in New Orleans?" JJ asks with a small smile. Emily thinks back to her and Derek's night of bliss.

_"Princess, do you ever let go and just dance?" he asks Emily. She hadn't been on the team for long, but she knew she had a crush on Derek. Not one to be acted on though. She wouldn't do that. Not after what she went through with Clyde. _

_"I don't feel like dancing right now Derek, plus I've had to much to drink. I think you have too." she smiles a bit. He walks closer to her and touches her nose with his pointer finger._

_"I am doing just fine. You need to drink till you lose your top." he laughs. She does too and shakes her head. "Let me buy a drink for you." he says with that dashing smile. Emily looks behind her and sees JJ and Will sitting at a table. Hotch let them stay one night in New Orleans. According to Will there wasn't a better place to go out than the city of New Orleans. Emily begged to differ, but no one had actually seen her party side. She was brought back to reality by a hand on her hip. "Come on princess. One drink." he says leaning toward. She could smell the liquor on his breath. She smiled anyways._

_"Just because you're drunk and easy I'll let you buy me a drink." she says. "I won't lose my top though Derek Morgan." she says letting him take her hand and lead her to the bar. _

_"Get the lady a...tequila shot. No...two tequila shots, and a..." he bit his lip and stared at her for a minute. She smiled. "Long Island Ice tea." he said. She laughed a bit. _

_"Okay. I'll take it." she said with a smile. Eventually one drink turned into two, two turned into three, and so on. Guys were hitting on her left and right. She found herself letting loose and dancing with several men. Including the one that bought her so many drinks. Right now though she had a college guy grinding into her ass, and one in front of her dancing with her too. Sandwiched in the middle. Just feeling the music, and a 25 year old's crotch against her ass. It made her feel good that a woman at her age could still have sexy college guys grinding with her. She caught Derek's eye and bit her lip. He came toward her, and she closed her eyes again feeling those other guys being pushed away. Big strong arms wrapped around her. The rest of the night was a blur until Derek pressed himself against her and rip her top open. He laid kisses down her neck, and smiled at her. _

_"I thought you weren't going to lose your top Ms. Prentiss." he says smiling. _

_"I thought I wasn't the antelope." she says with a smile. "It seems you hunted me well." he laughs too in between kisses down her neck. _

_"Well princess, just because a hunter goes looking for prey, doesn't mean he won't bump into another one and end up in an amazing situation." he says kissing down her torso. _

_"Stop with the metaphors and get on with it." she says with a smile, and a moan. He smiles too. After they were done they lay on the bed breathing deeply. "There goes the promise I made to myself not to sleep with you." she says with a laugh._

_"Holy Jesus Christ it was worth it though." Derek says with a groan. She laughs a bit, and stands slipping her robe on. She reaches into her bag and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. _

_"I thought you quit those things!" he says scolding her as she walks out onto the balcony. _

_"I did. I only smoke after sex, or when my mother calls." she says with a chuckle. She sits on the chair and takes a puff of her cigarette. Derek sits at her feet, and takes one in his hand gently massaging it. She puts an arm behind her head and smiles a bit when she looks at him. "Usually they leave while I'm outside." she says. He smiles._

_"Well, antelope tend to do that. You're stuck with a fellow hunter. I don't leave until I have too." he says. He pulled her too him by her legs and she sat on his lap. He was in his boxers, and she was only in a silk robe. _

_"This was a bad idea." she says with a small smile. "A wonderful, sexy, best-sex-I-ever-had mistake." she says. He nods with a smirk._

_"At least it happened though. I mean, so much sexual tension." he said moving her hair out of the way, and kissing her skin. _

_"Yeah," she moaned. "I mean...we really...had too...oh..." she says leaning her head back. "We're on the balcony. Anyone could walk out of their room right now and catch yo-o-o-ou-u...whoah...okay." she says with her eyes shut. The second time they made love wasn't like the first. He explored her. He thought it was going to be the last time he got to worship her body, and he wanted to do it right. He did do it right. It did it right 4 times. They talked in between rounds. They cuddled. At the end of the night though, before sunrise, he had to sneak back into his room. He did, and they swore it would never happen again. Oh how wrong they were._

**Yes, the end was Emily telling JJ about New Orleans. I wanted it to be in a bit more detail than she would let JJ know, so I made it a flashback. Also, Frenzy cmfan and guests no need to fret. I will try as hard as I can to update daily. I just can't stand to see all of you in pain! Sorry it's a bit shorter. I wanted to at least give you something before I crashed. Hope you enjoyed REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I really can't stress that enough. It let's me know if you are enjoying the story, or if you are still reading, or if you hate my story. ANY OF THOSE ARE FINE! JUST REVIEW!(:**


	5. Chapter 5

**BUBBLEs! Thank you all for the awesome reviews! Homework has been a bitch, but I am trying hard to update this! This won't follow any cases from season 7 mostly because I can't remember what order those cases were in. It gets a bit naughty this chapter, not Demily naughty though. Enjoy!**

Emily stared at the picture of her and Derek with the team. She was leaning against him, and there hands were dangerously close. To any other person it wouldn't have looked like what it actually was. He was caressing her hand. That day he was whispering in her ear. Smiling for the camera was nothing. After that he took her back to her place, and ripped her clothes off of her. The shirt she was wearing in that picture was torn. She had to throw it away. He told her he would buy a new one, but that never happened either. They were so perfect...why would he let that all go? JJ had left a few hours ago. It was Sunday. JJ decided that a sleepover would be fun. Emily agreed. She left in the afternoon, and Emily tried to occupy herself.

Emily just curled up on the couch, and held the picture. She had to work tomorrow, and she was not excited. They hadn't seen each other since Friday. It was midnight. She just couldn't find it in her to shut her eyes. She took her pills that help her sleep, and helps her to not wake up in such a violent way. It helps her sleep through the night. She's afraid too sleep. She's been talking to herself more often. It's like she has two different people inside her. Herself, and Lauren. Split down the middle, and torn. Lauren is her dark side. She has thought about suicide more often lately. That voice in her head telling her things. _Ian loves us. He's waiting for us._ or _Derek doesn't care like Ian did. He never will. _Sometimes she thinks about how scary that place was. It was scary. It was cold and dark...he was there though. While she loved Derek, Lauren didn't.

Emily felt so stupid referring Lauren and herself as two different people, but that's what it felt like. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

_Her eyes opened to her apartment, and she got off her couch. Emily shook her head and walked toward her closet. She looked at her wardrobe and smiled when she saw something more her style. A white mini dress that had buttons on the side, and some white heels. She put them on, and smiled. She stared at herself in the mirror. Her lips were an insane shade of red, her eyes a glorious dark shade. She took her walk down the street. She smiled when she saw a cab. She leaned over into the window, and smiled at the cabbie. "I know you're probably off right now darling, but...can I get a ride to the Valleygate hotel? I have business to conduct there." she says with a smile. He takes a look down her dress and she smiles an extra bright smile. _

_"Sure." he gets out. "Jesus lady, are you a pros?" he asks. Emily smiles. She crossed her legs and her dress falls down to expose the very top of her thigh, and part of her ass. _

_"No. I'm a respected business woman so watch it." she says quickly. She opens her purse and looks at the gun inside of it. She smiles, and he pulls up to the five star hotel. The man she was here to see was only in business a few days. He told her wanted to see her, and she said maybe some other time. She scoffed. Yes, she was showing up unannounced, but he wouldn't be able to resist her. She hands the cab driver a giant wad of cash, and starts walking. She makes her way into the hotel room. A kid is standing at the front desk. She doesn't even think he's legal to drink. She smiles at him. _

_"He-ell-ello ma'am." he stutters. She smiles, and leans forward._

_"Hello sweetheart. I'm looking for a man...his name is Clyde, and he is an important guy. He's with Interpol on business. Can I have the number to his suit? Please?" she asks with that smile. _

_"Ma'am I don't...I don't think...we're..." she smiles at him and reaches forward. _

_"Well, just tell me the room number honey. I'm here on business. It's best if he didn't know I was here till I was up there. It's official agent business." she says flashing her FBI badge. He nods._

_"Oh, of course." he says. He smiles, and tells her the room number. "17th floor, it's a penthouse suit." he says. She smiles, and kisses his cheek leaving a big red lip print. He blushes. She takes her time walking to the elevator. She rides it up, and smiles at how wonderful this feels. To be here again. Doing what she's doing. She gets to the suit and knocks. _

_"Who the fuck would be-" he stops cursing when he opens the door. He opens the door and smiles a bit, no not a bit, a lot. He licks his lips, and she walks in with out invitation. "Oh, wow. I.." he coughs. "I didn't know you'd be coming over this late. I thought you had rejected my offer for dinner. He says with a smile. She smiles too. She reaches for the buttons on her dress and opens it to reveal her lace covered breasts. _

_"Well, I didn't want dinner." she says with a smile. He smiles too. She reaches for her zipper, and pulls it down. She slides off the shoulders and let's the dress fall to the floor. He gapes at her body. "Now, love...I have a problem, and I thought that you'd be the perfect candidate to take care of it. Plus I know how stressed you get when you work. I see nothing wrong with enjoying your company." she says strutting over to him in just her heels, and lace lingerie. She reaches for him, and presses herself into him.  
_

_"Whoah, darling I was not expecting this." he groans when she reaches down. She pushes him back so he falls onto the couch. She climbs on top of him, and presses herself onto his growing anatomy. "We always had so much fun doing this." he says with a smile. She smiles too. She leans down and kisses his neck. She whispers in his ear._

_"Just enjoy." she says. She went lower and lower until she reached her destination. After he released with her mouth on him, she went back up toward him. She got him hard again, and they moved it too the bedroom. She grabbed her purse on their way. When they got in he laid down and she kissed him. She moved his arms toward the head board then he felt metal against his wrist. She rolled her eyes and moved off of him. _

_"Emily?! What the fuck is this?" he asks pulling on his handcuffed wrists. She shook her head. _

_"Just shut the fuck up. Don't make me gag you." she scoffed. She shook her head again. She reached into her bag, and got out her gun and the silencer. "You never were a generous lover. Not like I was. You always took, never gave. That really pissed me off sometimes. I mean...you aren't nearly as good as Derek is, or Ian was." she says screwing on the silencer._

_"Emily, what are you doing?" he asks. He was getting nervous._

_"Getting my revenge. How could you do that? He wouldn't have killed me. He wanted me to live. We could've been together forever but you had to get involved and help the fucking team find him. Along with Emily, stupid fucking bitch. She never knows what she wants. She's not like me. I know what I want. I want you dead. I want them dead. They killed him, YOU killed him you bastard. He is the only man...I ever loved." she says walking toward Clyde. "You're just lucky you were the first on my list. Say hi to Ian for me in hell." she says pointing the gun at him. "Oh, and the name is Lauren." she says with a smile before shooting him right between the eyes._

* * *

Emily's eyes opened and she was shocked at what she dreamt. She whispered to herself. "I am Emily Prentiss." she says to herself. Her lip trembles. She would never hurt her family, her team. Never. She got up and showered. She took her meds, and ate a small breakfast. When she got to the office she avoided everyone. She went straight to her desk, and Reid looked at her in an odd way.

"Are you okay?" he asks. "The pale shade of your skin tends to mean that you aren't sleeping well." he says. She shrugs it off.

"I'm fine." she says. She takes out a file, and starts to look over it. He walks in and she loses her breath. He gives her a sad smile, and her heart brakes all over again. She holds her composure though, and returns to her work. She can do this by herself. She knows she can...she just prefers not too. All she wanted was to feel him against her again. Feel the love from him. It would make things so much better. _Just let him go. He never wanted you. _She closes her eyes, and wills the voice to go away. She bites her nail, and focus' on her work. An hour later Penelope walks in with a file.

"Hey guys, we have a case..." she says. Emily stands and silently walks to the round room. JJ and the rest of the team watching her closely. She sat and paid close attention to the case files. She dove into her work like she always does. Hotch says wheels up in thirty, but Emily approaches him.

"Hotch, can we make it an hour?" she asks. "I kind of...don't know how long we'll be there and I need my prescription refilled. I only have two days left." she says nervously. She knows it's an inconvenience, and she hates it. "I mean...if it's a big deal then I don't have too, I'm sure I can ju-" Hotch cuts her off.

"Emily, it's fine. You need those. I understand." he says. She nods, and walks out. Hotch looks at the rest of the team.

"Wheels up in an hour and a half." he says with a smile. Everyone nods, and they all start for their cars. Emily runs around, and gets everything together. She gets to the plane, and as expected she's last to board. She gets on and puts her bag away. They all sit together. Emily purposefully sits a good distance from Derek. She hasn't said a word to him, nor has she acknowledged him except for comments about the case. They had a long plane ride ahead, and Emily didn't want to deal with everyone else. She went to the back, and closed her eyes. She wouldn't fall asleep, but that didn't change her seeing things.

She saw her and Ian wrapped around each other. Her eyes snapped open and she shuddered. She combed a hand through her hair, and saw Derek looking at her. She turned her head, and sighed. She really wanted him, but his words hurt too much. She goes to the back of the plane, and makes some tea for herself. She feels her head pulsing, and she grabs it. Her fingers go through her hair, and she groans. "Hey princ-" she stops him.

"Stop right there. Don't call me that. It's Prentiss." she says coldly with out looking at him.

"I just wanted to say I was sorry for Friday..." he says. She turns to him.

"Look Derek you don't have to worry about me. Just stop. You were right. You deserve to be happy and I can't give you that no matter how bad I want too. I accept it...I mean, it's been hard around the house with out you..." she says sadly. "I got so used to you being there." she says in a whisper. "I...I'll be okay though. You made your decision. I won't ever bother you with one of my stupid nightmares again, and I'll make sure to stay away." she says feeling the tears in her eyes. "I love you." she finishes. She grabs her head again, and composes herself. She puts a smile on her face and composes herself. She walks out with her cup, and they land an hour later.

* * *

It was a case in Seattle. The case was moving slowly. Dead women. Their hotel was by the water though, and she found it beautiful there. Cosy really. A good place to start a family. A good place to run too. When Hotch sent them back to the hotel it was late, but she wasn't tired. In fact she was restless. She looked around the room and noticed the resemblance to the one from New Orleans. She walked out onto the balcony, and smiled at the sight of the water. The lights out on the boardwalk lit it nicely, and the water moved slowly. She could see a few boats, and she could hear the birds. She could see the bats too. She sighed and remembered the night out on the terrace. A conversation that was held out on the balcony with Derek massaging her feet. She went back inside and her eyes closed as she remembered.

_"Reid hates me." she states easily. "It's been hard ya know. I don't think Hotch, or Gideon like me much either. They thinks I used politics to get in." Emily says leaning back. Derek frowns._

_"Reid's been through a lot lately. Just give him time princess." he says caressing her leg. "Gideon and Hotch act that way all the time." he says. "You're good princess. Don't worry about them. I like you just fine." she scoffs at this._

_"Only because I put out. Somehow that always seem to happen. The guys I work with sure love that." she says trying to mask the pain she feels. He looks at her like she's crazy._

_"No that isn't the reason I like you. I like you because you are smart, cultured, sexy as hell, fascinating woman that is damn good at her job. That is why I like you. That is why I'm attracted to you. That's why I wanted you. Don't you ever think that you don't mean anything to me. You are my friend, and I would love to show you that." he says. She looks at him, and wipes a tear away.  
_

_"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me." she says biting her lip._

Her eyes flutter open when she hears a knock on her door. She opens it in hope it's Derek. She frowns a bit when she sees the lead Detective from the case they're working. "Oh, Agent Prentiss...I apologize. I was looking for Agent Hotchner. I thought he may be asleep, what are you doing awake? It's very early." he asks. He's younger. Probably about 32-34, he is extremely good looking, and very polite. She smiles at him. It's very early in the morning. The light is barely showing, but it's there.

"I don't sleep well." she says her mouth forming a thin line. "Hotch's room is next to mine. He probably isn't awake, but you never know." she says with a smile.

"Well, I don't want to wake him, but I need someone to follow this lead with me." he says. Emily perks up.

"I could do it. Let me ask him." Emily says with a smile. He smiles back.

"Only if that's okay with Agent Hotchner." he says. "I wouldn't want you to get in trouble." he says with a smile. She nods.

"I'll ask him." she says. She knocks on the door, and it takes Hotch a little while to answer but he finally does. "Hotch, Detective Dawson has a lead, do you mind if I go with him. I know you are very tired, and I haven't slept much. It'll give me something to do." she says. Hotch nods.

"Sure that's fine if you want." Hotch replies. "Be safe you guys. Call if you need anything." he said. She nodded.

"Give me a few minutes." she tells him. She goes into her room, and pulls on some jeans and a shirt. She takes her meds for the day. She puts her hair in a pony tail, and walked out. "Let's go." they drive out to the warehouse, and Emily stares at it. She bites her lip. Her heart beats, and she finds herself not wanting to go inside.

"Um...you didn't tell me it was a warehouse." she says closing her eyes trying to calm down. He looks at her. His hand goes to her arm.

"Agent Prentiss are you okay?" he asks her. She nods slowly.

"Yeah, I'm just...not a big fan of warehouses. History." she says. "I'm fine." she gets her gun out, and they walk toward it. It was still a bit dark outside, but the only reason they were there was because the person that owned the land could only meet them at this time. He took them around and they listened attentively. Emily saw a corner, and put a hand to her chest.

_"IAN STOP! PLEASE!" she screams as he continues to burn her. "I'LL DO ANYTHING STOP!" she yells out._

"Agent Prentiss?" Detective Dawson asks. She turns to him.

"I'm sorry." she says. Soon the interview is over, and they are out of that place. They get back into the car, and she rubs her head.

"So, do you want to go straight to the precinct?" he asks. She shrugs.

"Actually, can we please get some breakfast. My pills I take don't work much with out food. They really need to work today." she sighs messing with her nails.

"What meds do you have to take? If you don't mind me askin'." he says. She turns too him, and shrugs again.

"Too many of them." she brushes off.

"Oh, well I'm sorry. I know a good place though. They'll take good care of you. Best croissants in the whole city." he says. She smiles a bit too. "So, married?" he asks. She laughs at him.

"Nope. Single, as of Friday I guess." she says. He was really nice. She would never want anything with him, but he was still nice.

"That sucks. That guy doesn't have eyes or a brain." he says with a laugh. She blushes a bit.

"No. He's very smart, it was a mutual decision really. Neither of us were very happy about it, but it had to be done." she says. He turns to her as he parks.

"Well, I'm good company, and I won't ask you for anything. No matter how smart, and pretty you are." he says with a laugh. She smiles too. It was nice to have a normal conversation with someone who didn't know about her past.

**Once more I apologize for the lack of length in this chapter! I'd rather update a decent sized chapter everyday, than a long chapter every four days. Hope you enjoyed! KEEP THEM REVIEWS COMING! IT MOTIVATES ME!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I apologize dearly for late updates. This story isn't flowing as well as A New Beginning did, and homework has been a bitch. Anyways, ENJOY!**

_"If you ever come back to Seattle and that guy doesn't get his sight back...call me." Detective Eric Dawson says with a smile. She smirks a bit._

_"I will do that Eric." she says taking another sip of her drink._

That had been a month ago. A whole month, and Derek still wasn't with her. It hurts her to the bone all the time. She can feel it. Lauren had come back into her head. She found herself being more reckless during cases. She was being more reckless with cases. So reckless she tackled a man with a knife out.

"What the fuck were you thinking Emily!?" he yells at her in her apartment. The case had been over and they had gone home. Derek showed up, and for the first time in months Derek was reacting to something she did. Maybe it wasn't great but it made her feel less sick to know that he cared. "What. were. you. thinking? Why would you do that?" he asks. She keeps her composure. Not even batting an eye.

"The unsub was going to kill that little girl." she says calmly. "I had to do something before he got her." Emily says. Derek looks at her angrily.

"There were options!" Derek says. "Better options!" he yells.

"For me or her?" Emily asks. Derek knows she's right. It doesn't matter though.

"You could have died." he says lower.

"I didn't though." she says with a tone that frightens him. She goes to her kitchen and grabs a glass of wine. The ulcer had healed. She was drinking all the time now. It made the pain go away. After the case with that detective Derek started to get angry with her. He would make rude statements, and it felt like he was mad at her for talking to Dawson. Not like it was a big deal. They got into a fight. She told him to stay out of her life. It got bad. She came home, and cried. He knows she's sick. She knows he was just jealous, but it still hurt her. He needs to watch his temper. Now he was screaming at her in her apartment, and this is the first time she's felt anything from him since that last time.

"Emily...what is that supposed to mean?" he asks her walking toward her, and watching her pour the wine. She shrugs.

"Nothing. I need you to get out of my house." she says. He looks at her in shock.

"You can't just make a statement like that then expect me to leave...I...I car-" her head whips around before he can finish that sentence.

"No. You do not get to say that anymore." she says. "Why would you 'care' so much anyways?" she asks. He sighs.

"I'm still in love with you." he says. She scoffs.

"You sure have a really nice way of showing it." she says downing another glass. He grabs her wrist causing her to spill her drink. _Why do you let this fucking prick lie to you? He doesn't care about us! He never will!_ _Stop being a fucking pussy and make him leave so you can do what that unsub didn't do. _She hears her voice in her head. She wants to tell it to go away.

"Stop this. Stop hurting yourself. It isn't doing any good." he says. She smirks.

"It's doing wonders for me." she says downing her third glass. She goes to pour another one, but he stops her.

"Why Emily?" he asks. She bites her lip.

"Why not?" she asks. For a moment she considers telling him the truth about what happened after she woke up. What she discovered. Her lip trembled. He couldn't know. He could never know. _Or we could tell him, and watch him crumble. He deserves it after what he did to our Ian. _She hears. She put's her hands to her head. "Stop it! Stop saying those bad things!" she yells out. She hears herself and her body goes rigid.

"What?" he asks. She shakes her head.

"Um..." she feels her lip tremble, and she isn't as calm as she was. "Nothing Derek. Forget it happened. Forget it." she says. She drinks another glass full, and Derek looks at her concerned. "STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT DEREK!" she yells at him. Facing him. Looking him in the eyes. "Just. Stop." she says. She takes another big gulp. Her brain is getting fuzzy. Lauren's voice is going away. Emily breathes slowly.

"Who were you talking too?" he asks. She shakes her head no.

"No one Derek!" she snaps at him. Tears fill her eyes. She's so humiliated. "I wasn't...I wasn't talking to anybody." she says. Despair fills her aching bones, and she just wants him to leave. Leave or hold her. One of those.

"Yes. You were. Who was it?" he asks. "Are you hearing voices?" he asks. She looks at him.

"No I'm not. It's my own voice." she says. "Every time you do something I have a voice in my head. My voice. It says bad things to me, and sometimes I just want to make it stop forever." she rambles. He looks at her in shock.

"Em.." her lip trembles as he says her name. She's crazy. Lauren has, literally, gotten into her head. "You need help." he says his own tears forming. She shakes her head no.

"No. I don't. I'm not crazy." she says drinking another glass of wine. "Get out of my home please."

"You're never going to get better if you don't get help..." he says silently begging her.

"I said leave. Why do you want to torture me even more than you already have?" she asks him. He goes to walk towards her.

"I can't leave you alone like this." he says. "I can't leave you..." he says. She turns with a soft smile.

"I...I need you to leave. It'll be better for the both of us." she whispers. She drinks another glass, and she is really feeling it now. Derek slowly, and reluctantly walks out of the apartment. She puts a hand to her head and she groans. She goes into her bathroom, and turns the hot water on. Really, really hot. She drank over half a bottle of wine in front of him. Her bath fills and she turns the water off. She turns on music, and makes it blare in the small space. Candles were lit, and lights were dimmed. She strips slowly, and smiles when she thinks of a time her and Derek did this. It was almost the same. She could feel his arms around her. His breath on her neck. It all seemed so nice. So perfect.

_His hands trace down her body. The candlelight making her skin a perfect glow. Her black hair fell to her bare shoulders, and he smiled. _

She lays down in the steaming water. Her eyes close, and she dunks her head underneath.

_Kisses get placed on her shoulders, and she smiles a soft smile._

She holds her breath and feels the tears coming. She can't help but think about what would happen if she opened her mouth, and let all the water move down to her lungs.

_He moved away from her, and sat in the bath. He didn't let go of Emily's hand though. He pulled her to come sit on his lap. She did. She sat in the water with him, and he held her even longer. His hands moved over her stomach. Stroking the smooth skin._

The smooth skin. When holding her breath got to be far to much she popped out of the water quickly. She gasped for breath. Her hand went to her stomach. The bumps beneath her finger tips.

_No words were spoken. She curled into his chest, and let the water soak against her skin. Into her bones. His skin against her's. Hot, wet, smooth skin. Touching. Holding. Perfection._

Emily pulls her knees to her chest and looks around at the darkness. The darkness is unpleasant, yet comforting. She needs a cigarette. She leans toward the pocket of her jeans. She grabs her cigarettes and lighter. She lights one, and leans back. The wine, and nicotine relaxing her. She misses Derek's arms. She needs someones arms around her. Anybody's arms. Any one's skin. She just needs to feel again. She takes a drag of her cigarette.

_"Agent Prentiss?" the doctor says. Emily's eyes flutter open, and she sees white. Bright lights. "You're awake. That's good." Emily looks around the room, and immediately tenses._

_"Did I die?" she asks nervously. The doctor sighs. It's only her. If she's alive...where is her team? Where is her Derek?_

_"Yes, but we were able to get you back. You'll make a full recovery." she says. Emily's brow furrows._

_"I...where is Derek?" she asks weakly. "Where is my team?" she continues. "Are they..." she takes a deep breath and so many images run through her head._

_"They're all fine ma'am. I've been told to call some one once you woke. I will be right back." she says. Emily perks up. Derek. Hotch maybe. Rossi. Any of them. She smiled when she saw JJ. _

_"Jayjie." Emily whispers. She goes to move but yells out when a pain radiates through her stomach. She grabs it and starts breathing harder. _

_"No! Em...don't...don't put too much stress on yourself." JJ says softly. Emily looks around._

_"Where...where is everybody? Where is Derek?" she asks. "Or Penelope? Or Reid?" she asks after she notices her mistake. She almost only included Derek. JJ surely would've noticed that. _

_"Um...Emily I told them all you were dead. Hotch and I made a decision that was best to keep you safe, and them safe." JJ said. Emily looked at her in shock._

_"No! I don't...what if he is never caught JJ?" Emily asks the tears starting to fall. She may never get to see Derek again. Never get to feel him love her again. Never. "Emily...one...more thing. The uh, doctor said that you..." _

Emily stands out of the bath. Her fingers were pruning and she had smoked at least two cigarettes. She throws a robe on, and walks into her living room. She has sobered. It's been a long while since Derek left. She walks to her couch and lays down. Her leg pushes through the slit on her robe. It hangs open a tiny bit, and she doesn't care. She closes her eyes, and thinks about the last time they were on a case...after the little incident with the unsub.

_Hotch yelled at her. Just like Derek had. Asked her what she was thinking, and how she jeopardized her life. He was really angry with her. She knew it was stupid. She knew it. It's like running out in front of that car in Portland, or running into that house to get the victim. She was all over the place. If she died though...she would be a hero. She would be honored. People wouldn't whisper anymore. They wouldn't look at her like she was a traitor to her team, or a slut, or a hero. She wanted to be Agent Prentiss again. She wasn't her though. That's why that night she saw what she had and thought of her life when she was really young. She laid it out in a line...closed her eyes. Leaned over. She then put one finger over a nostril. She did one line, and she heard the knock on her door. Eventually the opening of her door. _

_Reid looked at Emily and hesitated at what she was doing. Then he ran to her. He had gotten over most of his anger, but some times she saw that look in his eye. She was snorting something. He didn't know what it was but he looked at her angrily. He pulled her away, and threw whatever the powder on the table was away. She freaked out and yelled no, but he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her away. "Emily! Stop." he says. She was high though. _

_"Why?" she asks sadly. He looks at her like that._

_"I didn't go back. You shouldn't either." he says. _

_"I need it though. It used to make me feel so good when I was young. I need that again." she says. She was desperate. She's been desperate. _

_"No. You don't Emily. You don't need it. You never need it." he says. He pulls her to her hotel room bed, and lays her down. _

_"It helps me forget everything. I just want to forget." she says. He nods. He pulls the blanket over her._

_"Remember...when I had my needle out, and you stopped me. This is me repaying you." he says. "You told me about how when you were young you got hooked on stuff. Snorting stuff. You can't go back to that. You have to stay strong. For me Emily." he says running his hand over her hair, and face._

_"I promise." she whispers. _

Emily bites her nail, and stands. She takes her pills before bed, and drops her robe in front of her mirror. She touches her face briefly, but she soon moves her hand down a bit lower...to the white spot. No one else can see the branding, but she can. Forever. She's forever there. She touches her stomach, and she feels herself fill with hate. Hate for herself. She thought back to the fight her and Derek had. _A woman that doesn't know if she wants to live or die. _How could he be so right? _I know I that I will never be able to as long as you are above ground. _A month ago Derek said that to her. It made her sad. He should move on...he should move on with a wonderful woman.

_Do it Emily. It will help us. _Lauren says. Emily stares at her pill bottles, and the wine on the counter. Mix those, and...and you get the outcome Lauren wants. She wants everyone dead though. She just wants Ian. Why? Emily doesn't know. It doesn't stop her from taking the pill bottle in her hands.

**Once more! I apologize for the long wait and the length of the chapter. I'm just not satisfied with it...personally. I am really really sorry. I will have another update tomorrow. Promises promises! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Even if it's how much you hate me for not updating...that's a lie. That would actually make me really sad. Be nice...but still REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7

**The apartment she's in is like the one in Season 3. Mostly because you can imagine the couch's back being turned toward the door. You'll get it later on. Enjoy.**

_They hate you. They don't want you around. You know they don't. They pretend too. You betrayed them. _Emily shakes her head no as she stares at the pills. Her head hurts again. Lauren won't shut up.

"No. They don't hate me. I hate me. They want me here. I shouldn't leave them again." Emily says.

_"Emily you never came back!" _It was Derek's words this time. She closes her eyes. She just needs Lauren to stop speaking to her. _He was right. You died in that warehouse. You aren't who you pretend to be. You aren't your old-self. _She says. Emily bites her lip.

"I am. I just hurt more." she says. _Do it...and I'll go away forever. We can see Ian together. He actually cares about you. When you were holding Declan in your arms as Ian died...Ian was staring at us too. He loved us...why can't you admit that? _Lauren asks. Emily frowns.

"I...I don't...he loved us." Emily says finally admitting what she had dared not too.

_Do it. We can be with him. Derek doesn't love you like Ian did. _Lauren says. _The whispers at work. My voice. Ian. Derek. Yourself. The pain. So many reasons. Why is it so hard? You've got nothing to lose._ Lauren says.

"I...could.." Emily says looking at it. She poured about 8 into her hand. She sat down on her couch...in her robe, just staring. She wiped a tear away and heard another voice say _What could it hurt? _This time it wasn't Lauren's voice. The tone was different. Lauren wasn't afraid. Lauren was taunting her. Lauren was evil. This voice was weak. Broken. Vulnerable. She heard her own voice in her head. _How do people do this though? A letter? _Emily thought about it. The first thing she did was go to her closet. She got out the one thing she knew she wanted to die in. She slipped off her robe, and put underwear on. She slipped the jersey over her body, and let it hang down to her thighs. She smiled when she looked at it in the mirror. She wrapped her arms around herself, and held it close against her skin. Maybe she could get him to say it one more time...maybe she could. Maybe he would know. Maybe he would stop her. She bit her lip as she called him.

The phone rang on his side. Once. Twice. Three. Four. "Emily?" he asks. He is breathing hard. "Em?" she doesn't know what to say. The pills are in her hand.

"I..." she starts out. She doesn't know what to say. She didn't think this through. "Tell me you love me." she asks him. He sighs.

"I love you Emily Prentiss." he says easily. Tears come to her eyes.

"Forever?" she asks him weakly.

"Forever. What's this about?" he asks growing concerned.

"I just...Derek..." she whimpers. "Why did you make this so hard?" she asks. His heart beat speeds, and he finds himself putting pants on and grabbing his keys.

"Make what hard baby?" he asks her sadly. He prays to God that she stays on the phone with him.

"Nothing." _Don't fall for it Emily! Don't do it! _Lauren yells in a desperate attempt to stop what Derek is succeeding to do. _The pain will never stop. Not while I'm around Emily! _She quickly takes the phone, and hangs up. She cries for a minute and takes the pills in her hand. _Good girl Emily. Come on. It'll be like falling asleep. _One knock on her door. _Fuck he's here. Do it Emily. _Lauren yells at her. "NO! No. I can't do it. He's here. He came for me." Emily whimpers. Two knocks. Three.

"Emily open up!" Derek yells. He pounds on the door, and Lauren just screams at Emily. Emily doesn't want to listen. She wants to open the door. She wants to let Derek inside. She wants Derek to hold her. She needs Lauren, and her awful thoughts to go away. SHE doesn't want to kill anybody, but Lauren is blood thirsty. Revenge is at the top of Lauren's agenda. She just needs Lauren to go away forever.

Derek finds the key outside the door, and unlocks it quickly. He opens the door, and runs to Emily. She leaps into his arms, and drops the pills. Lauren didn't win this time. Emily did. "It was so stupid of me to make you feel this way." he says.

"You didn't. Lauren did." she cries. "She's who I talk too. It's really just me, but it's my bad thoughts. I'm sorry." Emily says. Derek holds her. He takes her pills away and throws them down to the ground. They hold each other a long while before moving. Derek pulls her down to him, and loves on her.

"Well, I'm here now baby. Forever." he whispers. She nods again. They lay down and cry for a long time. She curls into his chest and her wet tears are hot on his skin. She believes him now. She knows now. She can get better. She can get help. She doesn't have to be ashamed. Lauren can leave.

* * *

The next morning her eyes fluttered open, and she looks at her surroundings. Her apartment was cleaner than the night before. Her pills were put up. The wine was gone from the table. Sunlight filled the room because the windows were open. Her nose turned up at the smell of bacon, and pancakes. Her favorite pancakes. Fran Morgan pancakes. She slowly get's up from the couch, and turns around. Derek is cooking. She smiles a real smile, but then frowns at the thought of last night. Derek sees her. "Morning sunshine." he says. He takes the rest of the food off the skillet, and puts it on plates. He turns around, and bring her too him. "I know we have a lot to talk about. Let me just...hold you first." he says. She nods. They stay in an embrace for a long while. When he lets go they nod at each other. He gives them their plates and they sit down in the living room.

"How did you know what I was going to do?" she asks him. He looks down.

"You sounded...like you were giving up." he says a bit uncomfortable. "The words you were saying...I just knew. I'm glad I got here when I did though." he says. "I can't live with out you in my life Emily." he says. She nods.

"I don't know...I just...everywhere I turned it was all just...pain." she says. "Lauren wouldn't stop." she says sadly.

"Wasn't Lauren the name of your undercover alias?" he asks. She nods.

"I feel like we're two different people. She hates you all...but she loves _him._" She says sadly. "I love you though. I hate him. I just wish she would go away." Emily says.

"What does she say to you?" he asks curiously. Emily bites her lip and turns her head away from him.

"We're the same person though. That means that I think these things. It's all just a figment of my imagination." Emily says neglecting to give him an answer.

"You know...therapy would help." he says. She looks at him and nods.

"I know...I just...it's a hard thing to do." she says. He nods.

"I know, but I can tell you aren't going to talk to me about it. I don't blame you for it. A therapist can help you though." he says. She nods. "Want me to help you find one?" he asks. She shrugs, but then looks at him.

"Actually...I kinda want to...talk to someone else about who to go to." she says. "I can't really afford therapy...I may have to ask him to fund that too. I know mother won't." she says. "I just want it to stop Derek." she says sadly. She doesn't sound as broken...vulnerable. In fact she doesn't even sound like she's on the verge of tears. Mostly just...accepting. Accepting of what she has to do to get better. Derek takes her plate, and puts it on the table. He pulls her to his chest, and she puts her head in his neck.

"Do you want to be with me? Really with me. Not just...sex. I want love. I want to take you out. I want to treat you like the wonderful woman you are. I wanna do this right." he says. She smiles, and nods.

"I would love that." she says. He leans down and kisses her. "How did I get here?" she asks. "Just last night I was at rock bottom." she says. She knows she should tell him about the hospital...about the baby...she can't though. He might never want to look at her again...she just got him back.

"Maybe that's just what you needed." he says softly. She smirks, and cuddles closer to him. "I've been in love with you for five years." he says. She smiles.

"Me too." she says. "You said you wanted a big house with kids, and a dog...I don't think I can give you that though." she says sadly. She waits for a snarky remark from Lauren, but it never comes.

"Why's that?" he asks. She bites her lip.

"I...I...the wooden...stake it got my internal organs. There is a 35% chance of me having a child...and an even less chance at me carrying one to full term." she says. "I already talked to a doctor about it." _He explained things to me after I mourned the loss of our unborn child. _"He told me that because of that, and the abortion...there is complications with my reproductive system." she says._  
_

"Abortion?" he asks. She nods, and sits up.

"Might as well tell you." she says. "When I was...15, I was so alone. I started to talk to someone, and he got me pregnant. I...the guy from a few years back, Matthew Benton, he helped me out. The uh, guy never called me again." she says. "I was only fifteen and he was...older than me. Much older." she says. Derek looks at her sadly.

"How much older?" he asks. She shrugs, and get's uncomfortable.

"Derek...let's not..." she says. He puts a hand on her arm.

"How much older baby?" he asks. She bites her lip.

"He was 25." she says. "He lived at the boathouse down the road. He...just...he had a big house, and mom was never home." she shrugs. "I never had a boy like me like that before. It was just...confusing. I was really stupid." she says. He shakes his head no.

"You were just young." he says as he pulls her close.

"I developed a drug habit though. That's why whenever Reid was going through his thing after getting kidnapped. I helped him out. I had some issues with some pretty hardcore drugs. He caught me the last case snorting something." she says.

"We all have rough pasts." he says curling up with her again.

"Somehow mother never caught me before..." she says. Derek laughs.

"Yeah...but she sure got good at catching you when you're an adult." he says. Emily smiles as she remember's the time her mother decided to visit her.

* * *

_"Derek..." she says as she's on top of him yelling out his name. She groans, and her lip goes in between her teeth. They're on her couch. Music is playing, but she can't hear it. Derek's lips are on her, and she is moving fast above him. Her phone is vibrating against the table, and Emily can't hear it. She laughs as Derek does something. She feels herself getting closer, and closer. She let's out a scream just as the door to her apartment opens. She convulses, and her mother's jaw drops. All Elizabeth can see is her daughter, naked, screaming...the rest of the couch blocks whomever she is with. Elizabeth goes pale, and turns around quickly. When Emily notices her she goes pale and yells in horror. "MOTHER!" She accidentally moves sideways and falls off the side of the couch. Unfortunately for her, her legs are still wrapped around Derek's waist. Dragging him with her. _

_"Oh my God. Please tell you are hallucinating and you did not just see your mother." she bites her lip, and he groans. He moves out of her and they cling the couch blanket to their bodies. Emily pops her head from behind the couch, and blushes hard._

_"Mommy. What are you doing here?" she asks. She never calls her mom, mommy...unless she was getting ready to be in trouble._

_"Well...I just came to visit. Thought you may want to...come eat lunch with me." she says with out turning to look at them. _

_"Oh. Well...two minutes? We can talk...about...lunch." Emily says. Elizabeth nods. Derek takes the blanket with him upstairs, and starts a long shower...a very long shower. Emily put's her pajamas back on. Well...the tank top and sweats she was wearing before Derek ripped them off of her. Emily bit her nails and thanked God nothing was on her couch. She sprayed febreeze though, out of pure embarrassment, and went to make some tea. "You can...turn around now." Emily somewhat whispers. Elizabeth turns around, and sees her daughter. She looks around for the man her daughter was with, but doesn't see him. "He's showering...he'll probably be there for a long time." Emily says. Elizabeth nods then she smirks a bit._

_"I just caught my daughter having sex with her..." Elizabeth furrows her brow. "Actually...what is he?" she asks. Emily blushes._

_"A friend." she says. Elizabeth smirks and shakes her head._

_"Um...that doesn't look like a normal activity for friends." she says with a light chuckle. _

_"Well...that's the only thing about our friendship that isn't friends...he's not my boyfriend or anything." Emily says. Elizabeth nods._

_"Oh. So it's THAT kind of friendship." Liz says._

_"You really should've called." Emily says._

_"I did! Was it the music or the...activities that made you not hear the phone?" she asks. Emily blushes again. Just then feet pad down the stairs. Derek is standing there in his jeans. _

_"I'm sorry...my shirt was down here." he says coughing a bit. Elizabeth smirks a bit when she sees who it is...and how impressive he is. He picks it up, and put's it on. He walks toward Emily, and kisses her quickly. "I'll call ya later." he says. The awkwardness of the situation._

_"What's your name?" Elizabeth asks. "We've met before." she says. Derek nods._

_"Derek Morgan..." he says. Her jaw drops. _

_"Agent Morgan?" she turns to Emily and looks at her in surprise. "Agent Morgan? Really...Agent Prentiss?" she says with a smile. She laughs as Derek walks out._

_"I apologize for what you saw ma'am." he says. He then walks out the door, and Elizabeth turns to her daughter._

_"What are you thinking Emily? I mean...I saw him, and trust me I'm not judging you for breaking the rules, but really?" she says laughing. Emily laughs too._

_"Well it just happened one night, and...we kind of have had no self-control after that first time." she says. "He's my best friend though." she says with a laugh._

_"I can tell you have no self-control. I am not oblivious to the fact my daughter isn't a nun, but please...keep it in the bedroom, or start chaining the door because I never want to see you...doing what you were doing...ever again." she says with a half-serious look. "I will definitely stop coming by unannounced also. Now, do you want to come out to lunch with me?" she says. Emily laughs._

_"Let me get ready." she says. Elizabeth nods. _

_"I ran into David at the store, and he invited us over for dinner tonight. Do you want to come? Or are you going to be entertaining company again?" Liz asks with a laugh._

_"David? Now mother...you know I don't trust you two alone." Emily says with a laugh. _

* * *

Emily is brought back to the real world when she feels Derek shift from underneath her. She laughs. "What are you thinking about?" he asks. She smiles.

"The time mother caught us having sex on my couch..." Emily says laughing. She turns around and straddles him. "That was a fun day." she says with a laugh.

"For you maybe. I was freaking horrified. My lovers mother caught us on the couch. I was so scared that you all would fight or something and she'd tell Strauss or something. I know they sometimes have lunch." he says holding onto her hips.

"Well, at least you had awesome sex before you got to leave." she says with a chuckle. He smiles too. He brushes some hair out of her face, and kisses her. She bites his lip, and puts her tongue in his mouth. He kisses her for a minute before tearing his lips away. She pulls back and looks at him in confusion. "Why'd you stop?" she asks. He smiles up at her, and runs his fingers through her hair.

"Because...I was thinking we should wait." he says with a small smirk.

"Why?" she asks slightly disappointed.

"Well...we're a couple now, and...I think if we wait then it'll mean more when we do it again." he says. "I mean...it was always meaningful every other time, but I want to be like a real couple. I don't want to rush this." he says. She laughs.

"Five years isn't rushing it." she smirks. He laughs too.

"Well yeah, but I waited too long to blow it. I wanna do this right...if it works out, then you'll be mine forever." he says. She smiles too, and looks down.

"You're so sweet." she says. "I noticed...Lauren doesn't talk to me when you're around." she says. Derek smiles a bit.

"That's good. Even though we aren't sleeping together I thought maybe we could still share a bed. I like to hold you." he says nuzzling her neck. She nods.

"I like that too Derek." she says.

"Good princess." he says kissing her head. "Good." She finally felt like she was free from all the burdens she felt. He still didn't know about the baby, but that was fine. She didn't want to hurt him. She already endured that pain, and she didn't want him to go through that either.

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Guest: You were right! One thing about my stories is that I prefer to either have Emily's dad be absent in most of her life, or dead. I think that creates a nice bond between Emily and Reid. I also love the relationship between her and David. It's one of my favorites.**

**ENJOY!**

"Rossi...can I uh, talk with you about something?" she asks. Rossi looks at her in surprise. He smiles though and nods toward his office. She looks nervous as she walks in. He shuts the door behind her, and she let's out a breath.

"What's goin' on Bella?" he asks her. She smiles a tiny bit at the term of endearment. She bites her nails.

"I need a doctor." she says. He furrows his brow, and looks at her in a bit of confusion. "A therapist." she says. A look of realization comes to him.

"Oh...why me?" he asks. She shrugs.

"I...I can't really afford it by myself...I...I don't know who to go too, and I know you can give me a good therapist that is discrete. I'm at the end of my rope. I kinda broke Friday night." she says brushing a piece of hair from her face. Rossi nods.

"Do you want me to pay for it?" he asks. She cringes.

"I hate nothing more than asking people for money." she says. He smiles a bit.

"Then don't ask. I'll pay for it." he says.

"Thank you." she half-whispers.

"Here is a name." he says. He hands her a paper with the name of Dr. Evelyn Graves. "She'll help you out." he says. Emily nods and stands. He does too. He opens his arms, and she hugs him tightly. He holds her for a minute and he smiles.

"I am so happy you are back, and don't you ever leave me again. Not that far." he says. "If you ever did leave then make sure that I would be able to visit you." he says. She nods.

"I don't know if I can promise you that I will be at the BAU for much longer though David." she says. He looks at her in confusion.

"Why's that?" he asks. She smiles.

"Derek and I are disclosing." she says. "Strauss isn't going to keep me on. Even if she does her bosses hate me." Emily says.

"You and Derek are finally doing it, huh? I knew since the moment I came here." he says. She laughs.

"Thanks for keeping that a secret for so long." she says. He shakes his head.

"I knew the moment I came to this team." he says. "I can tell an inter-office relationship when I see it. I had far too many of those." he says walking out of his office along with her. They hug one last time, and she goes on her way. Hotch walks up next to Rossi and watches Emily walk away.

"She okay?" Hotch asks. Rossi nods.

"She's better." Rossi replies.

* * *

Emily walked through her door after work. Hotch let them off early so it was only about 2 o'clock. Still nice, and bright. She dropped her things, and put a hand to the back of her neck. She was happy things were finally looking up, but she was still stressed from the usual brunt of things. She laid down on her couch, and smiled a bit. It had been two days since Derek saved her. She smiled. He made her so happy. So happy. A knock on her door startles her from her thoughts. She walks to the door and opens it. Derek is on the other side in a white t-shirt, and some blue jeans. He is smiling that smile. "What are you doing princess? Why aren't you ready?" he asks. She looks at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" she asks. He walks inside.

"Well, you can't paint a house in that outfit." he says with a smile. She looks at him in surprise. "What? It's our first date." he says. She smiles a breath taking smile.

"Give me a few minutes." she says. She goes into her room and looks for something to paint in. She sees old light blue jeans, and a tight Yale shirt. She smiles and puts it on. She walks out with her hair in a pony tail, and her clothes on. He licks his lips at what she's wearing because she manages to make casual work clothes look so sexy. The pants are too tight on her so she leaves them unbuttoned. Her shirt rides up so it shows her stomach a tiny bit. "Stop staring and let's go." she says walking out with her bag. She hops in the car, and they start driving to a local diner.

"I thought we were going to paint a house." she says. He smiles.

"Well we have to get the bacon cheese burgers first." he says. She smiles and rolls her eyes. They walk in and their favorite waitress hands them two to-go boxes, and Derek pays for it. The waitress teases them for a minute, and then they're on their way down the road. It didn't take long to get there but it was a beautiful place out away from the city. You could still see the lights and hear some of the sounds, but the house was perched on top of a lovely hill. Emily smiled when she got their.

"This place is amazing." she says staring at it. He smiles at the look on her face.

"No, it's a wreck." he says. "Five bedrooms, three bath, attic, and basement. It's old. I think it was built in the early 60's." he says. He leads her inside, and she sees the wood is rotting. Boards have fallen, and the stairs are a little bit broken. She smiles.

"I thought we were painting." she says knowing full well they aren't to that stage yet. She's come with him a few times to his houses, so she knows everything that has to be done. He taught her when she came with him that night after the "road-side motel" case.

"Yeah.." he says chuckling. "There is a fridge with beer though." he says pointing to what she assumes is going to be the living room. It holds a small fridge plugged into the wall. "I got the electrical system running. The lights turn on too." he says. "If their were any, of course." he says. "When it get's dark I use the plug in lamps." he says. She nods, and stares at the house biting her lip. It's a comfy home. It doesn't feel like a house, it feels like a home.

"So...stairs?" she asks. He nods.

"In order to be able to go up the stairs we need to fix them." he says. "Grab a hammer sexy lady." he says with a chuckle. They grab their food, and get to work on the stairs taking bites every so often. They worked quietly, but sometimes they would talk or tease. Derek wrapped his arm around her a few times to help her out. When they got the stairs finished it was a bit dark. He turned an electric lamp on and carried it up the stairs. Surprisingly the upstairs wasn't in worse shape than the downstairs. In fact, one room was in perfect condition. It was a smaller room, but it was amazing. Probably a child's room. A window on the far side that had a window seat. The roof was a little bit slanted, but not enough for an adult to hit their head. There was a closet, and dust was collecting in it. Emily smiled. She bit her lip, but soon she was filled with sad thoughts. She could imagine this room with light pink walls, and a white crib in the corner. A rocking chair by the window. A teddy bear in the window seat. A box of small toys. A changing table on the other side. Cute little outfits hanging in the closet. She pushed those thoughts away though. "What are you thinking about Em?" he asks. She shrugs.

"This would make a really nice nursery." she says running a hand up over the walls. She could imagine painting a pretty scene on the wall, or just a simple name. She smiles at the thought. He nods.

"It would." he says. He bites his lip before walking to her. He takes her hand in his and wraps his arms around her from behind. "Do you want one?" he asks. She bites her lip.

"I...yes, but...I can't.." she says tearing up a bit. He kisses her neck.

"We can try, if you want. Even if you can't we can always...adopt." he says. "There are other options. Surrogate mother. There is so much we could do..." he says. She nods.

"I know, but...I don't think I'm gonna be that great of a mother. I don't really deserve another baby." she says. She almost slips and tells him about their baby, but she catches herself before she says anything. She leans back so her head rest on his shoulder.

"I think you do." he says. She frowns, but doesn't want to argue with him. _You killed two of them already. You know he would think the same if he knew you went after Doyle pregnant. _Lauren says. Emily straightens her back and closes her eyes tight. She thinks to herself, and tries to push Lauren away.

_I didn't know I was pregnant. _Emily says trying to push Lauren away. Before Lauren went though, she got her last words in.

_You're still a murder, like me._ Emily shook it off and spun around in Derek's arms. She smiles and crooks her head to the side. "Why are we talking about babies on our first date?" she asks with a smile. She wraps her arms around Derek's neck and he kisses her. He smiles.

"Come on. Let's go check out the rest." he says. They walk across the hall into a room that looks like the master. It has a bathroom inside of it, and a large closet. "So I was thinking of just replacing the walls and fixing up the windows." he says studying the room. She nods. Soon they go outside with a few beers and a blanket. There is a large tree outside and the night sky is perfection from where they are. Close enough to see the bright beautiful lights from the city, but far enough to see all the stars in the sky. Emily curls up with him, and let's the warmth of his arms cover her. She lays on her stomach and puts her arms under her head. She's exhausted from today. Mentally, physically, emotionally but still there is no place she'd rather be. Just then she feels hands on her neck. She pulls away for a minute until she feels them moving along the spots that are aching. She closes her eyes, and flexes as he works his way from her neck down to her shoulders, to her back. This man was always brilliant with massages. She let's out a groan and flips over so she can kiss him. He laughs when she does.

Derek pins her beneath him and kisses her. Soon they are in a full on make out session. She takes his hand and tries to sneak it up her shirt, but he just pulls away. "So you're that kind of girl?" he asks. "Second base on the third date?" he says with a smile. She laughs and swats at him.

"It was worth the shot." she says with a cute smile and shrug.

"We should be heading back." he says. "It's late, and we have to work tomorrow." she groans.

"I don't wanna go." she whines. He laughs, and pulls her up.

"We have too." he says.

"Can I come back? I really want to work on this one with you." she says. He smiles and nods.

"I would love that." he says.

"We could bring a bed and spend the night sometime." she says. He laughs.

"Summer's coming. Won't it be too hot for that? No air conditioning." she smiles a wicked smile.

"We could always sleep naked." she says with a wink. She goes inside, and picks up the things she brought. She walks out and Derek is already in the car. She gets into the car and they drive home.

* * *

When they get to her apartment door she smiles. He walked her up like a true gentleman. They stop at her door, and she wrapped her arms around him. "Want to come in?" she asks. He smiles and kisses her, but shakes his head no.

"My stuff's at my place, I think I should stay at my place." he says. She frowns a bit.

"I understand." she says a bit saddened by this. She bites her lip, and masks it.

"Don't do that." he says frowning. She looks at him in confusion.

"Do what?" she says. He picks up her chin, and smiles.

"That. Don't pretend you aren't upset by this. I know you are. You don't have to hide it from me..." he says kissing her nose. She nods.

"Well fine then. Yes, I'm upset about it. I do understand though. You should go. I'm tired." she says with a light chuckle. He nods, and they kiss once more. "I love you Derek." she says into his mouth.

"I love you too princess." he says. He let's go of her, and starts walking down the hall. She watches him leaves and smiles. She walks into her apartment, and looks around. She sighs, and bites her lip. She was alone again. Something she hated. She sat down on her couch and stared at the blackness. Sergio jumped into her lap, and she jumped. She breathed out and started to pet him.

"It's just us tonight buddy." she says. She doesn't want to admit that she needed him. That's the reason he left her in the first place. _Stupid needy bitch. _Lauren repeats. Emily bites her lip. _You know you're weak. You know you need him. That's so stupid though. We were fine on our own. _Lauren says. Emily takes her pills and lays down on her couch. She just wanted to sleep. Her eyes closed and she didn't have a dream for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next morning Emily awoke on her couch. Still dressed in her jeans and shirt from last night. There was knocking on her door, and she was answering the door slowly. She opened the door, and sees Derek standing there with a smile and some coffee. "Why aren't you ready? Princess! It's 8:30. We should be on our way by now." she looks at her watch, and her eyes pop out.

"Shit!" she yells. She runs to her room, and Derek shakes his head. As she get's her work clothes on he takes out the food he bought her. He set's everything out, and waited for her. She comes out with her hair in a very messy ponytail and her shirt buttoned wrong. She walks up to Derek and goes for her food. He stops her. He reaches for the buttons on her blouse, and undoes them. He does them back up correctly, and makes her calm down.

"It took you 5 minutes to get ready. It takes us ten to get to the office. We'll be fine." Derek says softly. He kisses her nose, and they walk out together hand in hand. When they get to work Penelope is the first to crowd Emily. Derek goes to his office, and when he's gone Pen is right by her side.

"So...you and chocolate thunder were both exactly one minute late. A little odd isn't it." she says walking with Emily to her desk. Emily sighs. She wants to tell Garcia but she can't do that right now.

"It isn't odd. In fact he was my ride this morning." Emily says. "Speaking of that Rossi is hosting a team dinner for us all tomorrow night." Emily says. That was very true. Her and Rossi talked about it, and Rossi was giving her and Derek a dinner to help let the team know.

"Yeah, he told us. I wonder what it's about. Does it have anything to do with you?" Pen asks. Emily sighs.

"Yes. I really need you to be there." she says."I'll tell all tomorrow night, please don't bug me about it." Emily says. Pen nods, but looks sad. She leans over and wraps Emily into a hug.

"Just try not to leave us." Penelope says.

"I won't leave you." Emily says. Pen nods then smiles.

"Good." she says. Emily and Derek had a meeting with Hotch soon, and she was nervous as hell. The clock went by too fast and soon she heard Hotch next to her.

"I'm ready for you and Derek." he says. Emily nods, and goes to get Derek as Hotch does his work in the office. Emily knocks on Derek's door and he opens it. She bites her lip.

"He's ready for us." Emily says. Derek lifts her chin up, and looks into her eyes.

"We'll be okay." he says. She nods. He leans down and kisses her quickly. They walk into Hotch's office. Reid glances up, and looks toward their direction.

"What are they doing?" Reid asks. JJ looks at the office in confusion.

"I don't know." JJ replies. Penelope walks out, and sees her fine furry friends staring at Hotch's office.

"Who's in there?" she asks. Reid turns to Pen but still keeps his eyes on the office.

"Derek and Emily." Reid replies. Penelope's eyes widen.

"You don't they're...they both arrived at the same time today. Exactly the same time. She didn't want to give me a straight answer when I grilled her about it...what they're..." she pauses and JJ just keeps her mouth shut. Reid isn't catching on. They all just stare wondering what's happening in the office.

* * *

"We're together." Emily says. Hotch turns around looking at them in half-anger, half-shock.

"What do you mean together?" Hotch asks. Emily sighs.

"We love each other." Emily says. Hotch shakes his head.

"When did this happen?" he asks angrily. No more shock. Just anger.

"I...we..." Emily starts but Derek takes the lead.

"We have been sleeping together since she joined the team. We only just got serious a few days ago." Derek says proudly. Emily was more nervous than him...she worked harder for this job, tried harder than he did to prove herself, worked to build trust. Hotch was another person it killed her inside to lie too. They were friends. He had protected her before he was her boss. He checked on her all the time. Why wouldn't she be nervous?

"Since you joined the team?" he yelled at them.

"New Orleans. When JJ and Will got together was the first time." Emily says. Hotch turns his head to his hand and rubs his forehead.

"I can't believe this. Why didn't you tell me sooner? The fact that you've been lying about an inter-office relationship and you've been...what was it those five and a half years if it was serious?" Hotch asks them. Emily blushes.

"It was just sex." _Sex, friendship, and sometimes cookies._ Lauren says. Emily closes her eyes and tries to calm herself down. To calm Lauren down.

"Just sex..." he says with a bitter laugh. "This wouldn't be a problem but we are being watch closely guys. Is there anyway that you...could not go through with this?" Hotch asks looking at Emily particularly. Emily hides behind Derek.

"No. I want this, and so does Emily." Derek says not backing down. Emily is just biting her lip.

"Emily? You are willing to give up your career for this?" he asks. Derek looks at Emily and she nods. _You're so stupid. _Lauren says.

"I love him." Emily says weakly. Hotch sighs.

"Professionally, I was hoping this day would never come. Personally, congratulations." he says. "I have to make a lot of calls. I can't promise that one of you won't be fired." Hotch says. Emily knows it's her. All the bosses have been waiting for the day Hotch or Rossi retire so that they can give Derek that position. Maybe an even higher position in the FBI. She knows that after all the trouble she has caused, plus this, her fate is sealed with the FBI. She isn't sure what she is going to do after this, but she knows that she can't live with out her and Derek being together. "You are dismissed. I will have a meeting with you all when I know more." Hotch says. Emily chews on her lip, and walks out. She can't lie and say she isn't upset. Her and Derek separate and she goes to her desk where Penelope just left, and Reid and JJ are pretending to work.

"JJ...can we talk?" Emily asks sadly. JJ nods and stands up. Reid looks worried.

"Are you okay?" Reid asks. Emily gives her calming, motherly smile she gives and nods.

"I will be fine." she says. JJ and her walk toward the bathroom. When they get in Emily looks at her. "We disclosed to Hotch. I'm going to get fired." Emily says. JJ looks at her in shock.

"I...you were so determined to not let Hotch know." JJ says. Emily nods.

"It wasn't serious until three days ago. I...I was going too..." she stops to breathe. "I was going to do a bad thing. Derek heard the tone of my voice, and he just knew. He came to my aid, and we...we decided that we wanted this...forever." she says. She bites her lip. "One problem. What if I'm giving this up for nothing?" she asks JJ. JJ's mouth opens and for a minute she doesn't know how to respond.

"What do you mean?" she asks. Emily wipes a small tear away.

"I...I...what if I screw this up, and we break up...then what am I going to do? I'll be without a job. No money. I can't...what if he leaves me and this was all for nothing?" Emily asks. "I know he wants forever but the truth is we don't know a lot about each other. I couldn't handle losing my job, family, and him. I...he doesn't know about the baby." Emily finally says.

"You never told him!" JJ says in shock.

"I don't...I didn't want him to have to go through the pain I went through. It was awful to know that we made a child and it died. It killed me. Broke me. I can't put him through that." Emily says. JJ looks at him and sighs.

"I can't judge. Will still doesn't know about my miscarriage..." JJ says. Emily sighs.

"How is it possible that you went through a miscarriage and then I went through a miscarriage not even a year in between?" Emily asks. JJ shakes her head. "Talking about it with you was nice though...I mean...you knew what I went through with it." Emily says. "I killed it though. I didn't just go through a miscarriage I killed a baby. A second time. I don't even deserve another child." Emily says. JJ looks up at her in shock for a minute.

"No! I'm not pregnant." Emily says. JJ calms and laughs a breathless chuckle. "Derek and I are fixing up this house, and there is a room...we were there last night and I just...I imagined pink walls and a crib and...we talked about options for a baby. I don't have much of a chance at getting pregnant. I just...I want a baby so bad ever since I lost it. I want to be a mother, but a large part of me..." _Lauren. _"Thinks that I don't deserve another baby. That part of me isn't usually right, but when you kill two babies that you..." Emily wipes a tear away.

"You didn't know you were pregnant when you went after Doyle, Emily." JJ says. Emily shakes her head.

"I should've though." Emily says. JJ holds Emily as she cries on the bathroom floor.

**Guest(who said she would go to Rossi): You were right! One thing about my stories is that I prefer to either have Emily's dad be absent in most of her life, or dead. I think that way it has potential to create one more thing for Emily and Spencer to bond over. I also love the relationship between her and David. It's one of my favorites.**

**It was a longer chapter! This is the length I like my chapters to be. Finally. I'm sorry for the sad ending. I was going to keep writing but the snow is getting really bad. I didn't want to write it all then my internet go out. Hope you enjoyed! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!(: May not have school tomorrow, if I don't then I will positively post tomorrow. **


	9. Chapter 9

**So it was 70 degrees Saturday, and now I'm out of school because of snow...Anyways, ENJOY!**

Emily straightened her shirt and did her make up. Derek would be there to pick her up soon and she was so nervous. She could feel her heart beating. _They're going to hate you. _Lauren says. Emily tries to ignore her, but she's so scared. She hears the knock on her door. She goes and answers it. Derek is standing there looking really nice. His black shirt, and dark jeans. She didn't want to do this. She felt like she was going to explode. Her lip trembles and he looks at her in worry. "What if they hate me? JJ did when she first found out. The only reason she forgave me was because she saw I was sick and felt bad." Emily says looking at the ground. Her voice cracking. Derek looks at her sadly.

"Oh baby, I...they might be mad..shocked, surprised, happy, who knows maybe even jealous but they won't hate us. They're our family." he says holding her. He kisses her forehead. "It'll be okay." he whispers. "Did Lauren tell you that?" he asks. He had gotten used to calling Lauren someone else. Treating Lauren like she was someone else.

"Yes. She said that they would hate me and I...I believe her." Emily says.

"Look. We're going to be okay. We can handle whatever anger they may have. They can get over it because we're going to be happy, and they should be too." he says holding her tightly. She nods. "Calm down baby. We'll be okay." he says. She nods. He grabs her things for her, and helps her with her jacket like a gentleman. They get in the car and she doesn't let go of his hand the whole way.

When they get to the Rossi mansion everyone is already there. Emily bites her lip, and thinks to herself. _I can't do this. _Derek comes to her side and opens her door for her. "You can do this." he says. She looks at him in shock because he just read her mind. He had to have read her mind or something because he just said that. She nods, and he helps her out of the car. With the door blocking the view from the house he leans down and kisses her once. He taps her nose with his finger and she smiles. "There she is." he says softly. "Let's go." They walk hand in hand to the Rossi doors. Everyone is in the dining room setting up plates, and placing food. They all smile when Derek and Emily walk in. Emily does too, but her finger is in her mouth biting away. Derek lays a hand on her back and leans close. "Fingers out of mouth." he says. She drops her hand and turns around. "I love you." he says.

"I love you too." she whispers. "How are you not nervous?" she asks. He shrugs.

"I am, but I love you too much to hide this." Derek says. Emily smiles and nods. When all the plates are set, small talk is made. They all sit, and Rossi raises his glass.

"Too family! Old, yet new." he says with a smile. Emily and Derek drink quickly. They all sit down and start to eat. Eventually Emily calms and starts talking just like every other time they have a family dinner. Conversation flowed easily, and laughter was had. At the end of the night though Emily's heart started beating faster and faster. Her fingers went back to her mouth. JJ was talking to Penelope about Henry and Reid was rambling something. No one was paying attention to them. Emily's lip trembles again, and she feels so upset. Nothing has even been said yet. Derek was praying people took it well...well Penelope and Spencer. JJ finished her story, and they took this chance to get everybody's attention.

"We have an announcement." Derek says taking Emily's hand. Emily was visibly shaking. "Emily and I are together. We disclosed our relationship to Hotch yesterday." Derek said blatantly. Penelope and Reid smile and Penelope turns to JJ who doesn't look surprised.

"JJ? Why aren't you surprised?" Penelope asks. Rossi, Hotch, and JJ all look down. Emily feels tears come to her eyes, and she bites her lip. "Wait...JJ you knew?" Penelope asks. JJ bites her lip. Reid looks around to everyone's faces and Emily can hear the wheels turning in that brilliant head of his.

"How long?" he asks. "How long have you been together?" he asks again. Emily looks down.

"We've been serious for about a week. We've been...in a certain kind of relationship for about...five years." Derek says. Emily can see the fire in Reid's eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Penelope asks. She looks so sad. "Both of you guys are my best friends." Penelope says.

"We...we...we just wanted to keep it to ourselves. We..." Emily stutters. She knew they would hate her. "I can't do this." she says running out of the room. Derek stands their alone, and upset. He knew she would be scared, he hoped that she wasn't giving up them. Reid stands up and walks out. Derek goes after him.

"Reid! Reid...come back here." he says. Reid turns around angrily.

"Why Morgan? Why?" Reid asks.

"Because I'm in love with her." Derek says. Reid walks toward him.

"No you aren't. You think you are but you're a player. When you said relationship? What does that mean?" Reid asks angrily getting in Morgan's face.

"It was a sexual relationship." Morgan says. Reid nods.

"That's what I thought. You are going too get tired of her and then you are going to leave her and you...you're going to break her!" Reid yells. "She isn't in a good place. She's not ready to lose everything for you. Did you ever think about that?" he asks angrily.

"I won't leave her. I want a life with her. I want children with her." Derek says. Reid shakes his head.

"What if you don't want that later? You can't play with her like this! She's...she's not the object you thought she was for five years." Reid says. Morgan feels his blood boil but he has to stay calm.

"I never once treated her like an object!" Morgan says getting in Reid's face. "I always loved her. She's my world and your bad attitude isn't going to change that. She was so scared that you would hate her. She was so scared." Morgan says. "That's why she's been biting her nail all night long." Derek says. "That's why she ran out. Now if you excuse me, I have to convince her not to give up on this." Derek says walking into the house. Reid yells from afar.

"You hurt her, and I wont hesitate to kill you myself." Reid says running back into the house with Morgan so he can make Emily see that he wasn't mad at them, but mad at Morgan. He was tired of being lied too, but...he didn't want Emily to think he hated her. When they get inside Penelope is upstairs with JJ and Emily. Rossi is sitting at the table drinking with Hotch. Derek goes upstairs, and sees Emily in her room (the one Rossi has for her just in case she ever needs to stay) curled into a ball crying. Morgan nods.

"Give me a minute with her?" he asks. JJ and Penelope and Reid all leave the room. Derek walks toward Emily and takes her in his arms.

"I'm sorry." she whimpers. Derek nods.

"I know. I know how hard this is on you baby...we can get through it though." he says. Her lip trembles and she looks up at him with big sad eyes.

"Can we? I don't mean to sound horrible, but what if we don't work out and I've lost everything for nothing?" she asks. "I'm resigning because being fired will look bad and I wont be able to work at the FBI anymore. What if I resign for no reason? I know that you love me, but the truth is Derek we don't know a lot about each other. The only thing you really knew about me before everything that happened was place to kiss that get's me turned on. I just...Derek...I love you, but what if I do this and it all goes to hell. I'm giving up my job, my life, maybe even my friends to be with you. What if it doesn't work?" she asks. Derek takes a minute to process what she just said. He didn't realize how much he had asked her to give up.

"I think..." he starts. "I think you're right. I am asking you to give too much up with out any assurance." he says. "Wanna know how real I am?" he asks her. She looks at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" she asks. He reaches into his pocket.

"I'm not gonna ask you now, but...I will someday. I bought the ring already. I know for sure that we will be together. I want you for the rest of my life." he takes out the ring he already bought, and shows it too her. She looks at it in shock and awe. She let's her finger graze over it. She turns to him, and smiles.

"It's gorgeous." she says softly.

"I told you...I can asks after our third date if you'd like." he says with a chuckle. She laughs too. "I'm not asking you now, but...I know that I will someday. I plan on forever. I need you to jump with me." he says. He leans forward and kiss her cheek. She looks at him in shock and jumps up to kiss him. She wraps her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. She heard squeals from outside the door, and she knows that they are listening.

"I love you so much." she says. He nods.

"I love you too princess." he says. He pulls her up, and they smile to each other. "We should probably go back out there." he says wiping her smeared mascara off her face. "Why'd you wear make up?" he asks. She laughs and shrugs her shoulders. He kisses her cheek, and takes her hand.

"Can we go to the house after this? Please?" she asks with a small smile. He laughs and nods. He opens the door and the rest of the team is standing there. "We know you were listening." Emily says. Reid stays silent how he usually does in situations he doesn't know what to do with.

"Of course we were! I'm still a bit upset you kept it from me, but...I can't stay mad at the Demilyness." Penelope says. Emily looks at her in confusion. "It's better than Dermily. Actually...I think I like Dermily. I wonder what we would be?" she says pointing at her and Derek. "Oh my god...Penerek! Or...Morcia! I like Morcia." they all laugh at Garcia and shake their heads. When they get downstairs Hotch and Rossi are still talking and drinking.

"Are the children done fighting?" Rossi asks. They all nod.

"Yeah.." Emily says holding Derek's hand.

"You know Emily, you don't have to resign tomorrow. I'm sure I can convince Erin to help you out. Put you in another section." he says. Emily smiles but shakes her head.

"I...I love you guys, but I'm...I just can't do it anymore. I'm always here. I don't plan on moving or anything. I'll be right here. I'll visit the BAU a lot. Actually I got a call from an old friend. It couldn't have been more perfect timing. He wants me to run the Interpol office in the states. I'll be running my own teams." she says with a smile. "Now, it wont be you guys, but...I think it'll be good for me. Things just haven't been right since I came back. I haven't been the same person. I won't be the same person ever again, but I think that if I embrace that then I will be okay. Things are changing. For the better though." she says looking at Derek. Rossi raises his glass. As does everyone else. Finally some happiness. Finally a break.

* * *

After the wild night in Rossi's house it was late. Emily still wanted to go to the house for some reason. They went and put on some work clothes, and went to the old house. It was a house that most people would find scary at night, but Emily felt at home here. They set up bright lights, and started to fix the walls. When it was really late Emily smiled at Derek. "Can we spend the night here? I know you still have that blanket, and I bet you anything you have an air mattress." she says with a smile. He smiles too, and rolls his eyes.

"We don't have a phone charger or an alarm clock though." he says. She laughs.

"Well...as of tomorrow I won't need one." she says with a smile. He wraps his arms around here.

"No, you won't. What are you going to do while I'm at work?" he asks her. She shrugs.

"Probably come here. Work on the house. I keep forgetting that it isn't ours." she says. He chuckles.

"Yeah?" he says. She nods. "Do you want it to be?" he asks. She let's out a small laugh.

"What are we going to do with a five bedroom house?" she asks. "Too much space for us." she says softly and little bit sadly.

"Not if we have a few kids." he says. She smiles a bit.

"I wish I could bare them on my own." she says. He nods.

"I know baby." he says.

"I really want a baby." she says sadly. _You don't deserve one._ Lauren says. Emily closes her eyes. He nods.

"I know." he whispers into her ear. He holds her tight, and nudges her. "We can stay up here this weekend. You have to get to your last day of work tomorrow." Derek says. She nods.

"Well, I'm only going in the morning then I'm probably going to go to Pen's office to eat ice cream and mourn the loss of my privacy from now on." she says with a small laugh. They packed the car and drove to his place. "Can we count this as a second date?" she asks. He laughs.

"Sure princess." he says. She smiles then.

"Can the princess spend the night, with out doing anything, tonight?" she asks. He laughs too, and nods. "I like how cute you're being but you practically proposed tonight. I think we should just throw it all to the wind and...just...do everything now. I'm impatient." she says jumping into his arms so he's carrying her.

"Why am I carrying you?" he asks. She laughs.

"Because you love me, and my feet hurt, and you also want to massage them when we get into the house." she says with a smile. He kisses her, and she kisses back. "I hate the rule about not sleeping together." she says kissing along his jaw. He pulls her away.

"Hey you...I hate it too, but I think it's important." he says. She sighs, and pouts.

"I know." she says. They get into the house, and she strips down to her underwear and shirt in his living room. Black lace. He groans.

"Why do you do this to me?" he asks. She laughs and walks to his kitchen. She takes out a box of Captain Crunch from the cabinet. She sits down and reaches for a handful. "Do you really have to sit in my kitchen, in your underwear and shirt eating my Captain crunch?" he says laughing at her.

"Well, a good substitute for food is sex, so I thought maybe since I can't have sex I can just eat food!" she says with a laugh.

"I'm tired. Let's go." he says pulling her up and putting the Captain Crunch away. She jumps on his back and he carries her up the stairs. When they get up there she sees Clooney at the foot of the bed. She smiles and jumps off of Derek's back to go and love on his dog. She does, and the dog cuddles up too her. Derek is convinced his dogs loves Emily more than him. Emily says it's true. They go to the bathroom and brush their teeth. Derek and Emily showered together and it was so hard for neither one of them to initiate something naughty. After that they get into bed, and face each other. "I love you." he whispers. She giggles.

"I love you too." she says with a smile. They kiss then he turns out the light.

* * *

The next morning went by easily. Emily walked into Hotch's office and handed in her resignation. "Thank you Emily. I don't like this. You know that right?" he says. Emily nods, and bites her lip.

"I do too somewhat. I mean, I'm excited for this life to begin." she says. He nods.

"I understand. It's been a pleasure working with you Agent." Hotch says.

"Shut up Hotch you're going to make me cry again." she says wiping away a small tear from her eye. He goes to shake her hand, but instead Emily makes a bold move and hugs her boss. He hugs her back, and he holds on tight. He can't believe there was a time he didn't trust Prentiss. That he doubted her. They stayed like that for a while and she pulled away. "Tell Jack that if he ever wants to have another sleep over...I'm always here." she says. He nods. "If you ever need a baby sitter I don't really have a job for another three weeks." she says with a small laugh. He nods.

"I'll tell him tonight." Hotch says. Emily walks out of the office and Hotch sits down. He smiles at what she said. Jack hasn't stopped talking about his Aunt Emily since she came back.

Emily walked her way out of Hotch's office and smiled. She walked to her desk and started to pack up. Reid looked at her like a sad puppy. "I'm sorry I'm leaving you Spence." Emily says softly. Spencer nods.

"I understand. You aren't leaving forever. Now at least I can come over and hang out with you and Morgan." he says with a smile. She smiles at him.

"Yeah." she says. "I haven't been this happy in a long long time. In fact I don't think I've ever been this happy. Things are slowly getting better, and I thank you for caring so much about me." she says. She packs up her final thing from her desk. She hugs Reid and JJ. "I'll see you on Friday Jay." Emily says. JJ nods. They made lunch plans. She goes to her boyfriends office, and knocks on the door. He yells come in and she smiles as she watches him do his work. She walks up to him, and wraps her arms around him from behind. She kisses his cheek. "I don't have a job anymore. I'm unemployed. Do you know how long it's been since I've been unemployed?" she says letting go of him, and leaning on his desk. He smiles at her, and stands so he can wrap his arms around her.

"How long?" he asks her with a smile.

"Like fift-twelve years." she says with a smile. He leans forward and kisses her. She opens her mouth to him, and he smiles. The door opens and Penelope sighs.

"Will I have to get used to this?" Penelope says. Derek kisses Emily one more time, and they turn to Penelope.

"Yes you will." Derek says. Pen smiles.

"We have a case." Emily's smile turns to a frown.

"Go baby." she says to Derek. Penelope smiles.

"It's here." Penelope says. Emily smiles a little bit and nods.

"I'm going to my apartment then I'm going to go to the house. There will be a whole wall built by this weekend." Emily says kissing him once more. She grabs her things and starts to walk out. "I love you!" she says over her shoulder. "Be safe." she says. He smiles at her.

"I love you too baby. You be careful in that house by yourself!" he says. Emily nods.

"I will!" she says. Then she was gone. Penelope looked at him and smiled.

"What house?" she asks.

"Em has been helping me with one of my properties. She really likes it, but she says it's too big for us...she says." Derek says with a small chuckle. Pen smiles.

"Not if you have little ones." Pen says. Derek sighs, but keeps a small smirk on his face.

"There is a slim chance of her ever getting pregnant. It seems her baby-maker system has taking a few beatings over the years. Not to mention her age. We've talked about other options though. She really wants a baby." he says. Pen nods.

"I'm sorry. I'm here for you guys no matter what." Penelope says. She hugs him, and they head to the round room.

* * *

Emily slips on her work clothes, and she grabs something to eat. She makes sure her cell is fully charged just in case something bad happens while she's there. She opens the door, and her eyes pop open when she sees the woman on the other side. "What are...what are you doing here?" Emily asks. Elizabeth Prentiss steps forward and wraps her daughter in a hug. "I haven't seen you since...since the first time you visited me after I came back." Emily says wrapping her mom in a hug. Elizabeth pulls away for a minute, and looks at her daughter's clothes.

"Where are you going? I thought you were going to be at work." she says. "Why on Earth are you wearing that ratty old thing?" she asks pointing the shirt Emily was wearing, from her college days. Not to mention the tight cut-off capris, and old tennis shoes.

"I..." Emily started. Emily let out a laugh. "Don't I have a lot to tell you." Emily says in a laugh. "I'm actually going to go stain some boards, paint a room, and put up a wall. Wanna help? We can grab lunch on the way." Emily says. She expected her mom to say no, but was surprised when she was greeted with a smile.

"Sure." she says. Emily looks at her mothers white pant suit, and 100$ scarf and laughs out loud.

"Wanna borrow some clothes?" Emily asks. Elizabeth nods. Emily gives Elizabeth a pair of old jeans and laughs at the look on her mothers face. Elizabeth manages the jeans and the t-shirt, along with some tennis shoes. She looks at herself in the mirror, and laughs.

"I look like you!" she says. Emily smiles. Elizabeth was right. They looked almost exactly alike. Standing side by side. They started on their way out, and Elizabeth called after Emily. "You never answered me. Why aren't you at work?" Liz asked.

"Well...mother...I quit." Emily says. Elizabeth's jaw drops.

"Wha...why?" Liz asks. Emily smiles.

"I'll explain on the way. First we have to pick up lunch." Emily says driving Elizabeth was shocked that this was her daughter. Emily was smiling, and laughing, and building a house. Who was this woman? They got to the diner, and walked in. Sally saw Emily and looked at Elizabeth.

"Now where is my gorgeous man today?" Sally asks. Emily laughs a bit.

"He's at work. I still need two of the usual." Emily says. Liz looks around and she sees different kinds of people all around her. Along with the smell of greasy food. The diplomat that she is, she was very uncomfortable. Emily just smiled.

"So...while we wait...is that Mrs. Prentiss?" Sally asks with a smile. Liz looked up, and smiled a charming smile.

"Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss." she says with a smile. Sally's eye brows shoot up, and she shakes the Ambassador's hand.

"Wow. Em you never told me your mother was an Ambassador. That makes sense though. I just never pegged you ask the classy type." Sally says. Liz laughs.

"She can use her proper table manners, and knows how to charm a crowd when she wants too. Unfortunately, she doesn't do that often." Emily smiles a bit at Elizabeth's words.

"No she doesn't. Her and that boy come in all the time, and she eats like a pig at the table." Sally says. Elizabeth turns around.

"What boy?" Liz asks. Sally laughs and shakes her head.

"The boy that order's two of these dressed like you all are almost every Friday and Sunday afternoon. Your daughter's boy." Sally says handing them two boxes of what Emily knew were two giant bacon cheese burgers. Elizabeth looks inside.

"Oh God Emily. Do you know how long it's been since I had this? I was fifteen." Elizabeth says with a laugh. Emily smiles.

"Well let's go and I can tell you about the boy." Emily says to her mom. They get in the car.

"Derek and I are together. Really together. It's not just...an agreement anymore." Emily says with a smile. Liz looked at her and smirked.

"So it's serious then?" she asked. Emily nodded.

"He...um...he already has a ring picked out, and he...we've talked about children." Emily says softly with a brilliant smile that Elizabeth hasn't ever seen before. "I'm in love with him." Emily says. Liz smiles, and takes her daughter's hand.

"I'm so happy for you. Don't rush it though. That's one mistake you don't want to make." Liz says. Emily nods.

"I know it's just...I've been in love with him for years, and we don't have much time left to make a family. We're both getting older, and I'm not ready to let go of my dreams." Emily says. "It has been a lot of healing over the past four days. I'm finally happy." Emily says. Elizabeth nods.

"Good." Liz says. "One thing I will always wish for you is happiness." Emily stops at the bottom of the hill the house is on. She smiles when she sees it. "This place is beautiful. When was it built?" Liz asks. Emily smiles.

"The early 60's Derek thinks." Emily replies. "He took me here on our _first _date." Emily says using quotations around "first". They walk into the house, and Emily gives her mom a tour. Elizabeth walks around and is in awe of it all.

"This house is perfect for a family. Are you and Derek going to move into here?" Liz asks. Emily shrugs.

"Derek bought it and all, but he usually sells them to people. I love this house so much, but...because I...I..." Emily looks down and bites her lip. Elizabeth turns to her concerned.

"What's wrong Emily?" her mother asks. Emily frowns, and takes a deep breath.

"There are issues with me being able to get pregnant, or carry a child to full term. The possibilities are very low, and...I just..." Emily pauses for a minute. She never thought she would have to have a conversation with her mother about her not being able to bare children. "I really want a baby." Emily says softly letting her mother hold her.

"I'm sorry Emily." Liz says.

"I've been really happy these last four days, but...mom before that it was bad. Really bad, I just...Derek saved me." Emily says. Elizabeth felt sadness overwhelm her.

"He's a good man. I met him...at your funeral. Officially met him. We went to dinner, and we talked. He was a very wonderful man." Elizabeth says. "I'm glad you have him, and I'm glad he has you." Elizabeth says. "Losing...losing a daughter that you gave birth too, and watched grow was the...the hardest thing I have ever had to experience. I..." Elizabeth says tearing up. She wipes the tears away quickly. "I...I love you so much baby. I love you so much." she says. "I hate how I was to you when you were young. I...I'm sorry." she says. Emily looked at her mother in shock. "I was so happy when Agent Jareau told me that you were...there...in your office. Alive. It was...it was the greatest feeling in the world. I got my baby back." she says holding onto Emily. Emily sighs, and hugs her mother tightly. When they break away Emily wipes away her own tears.

"I'm doing better. I'm accepting help. I have a meeting with a therapist on Thursday." Emily says.

"Good. Who did you go to for a name?" Elizabeth asked.

"David. Her name is Evelyn Graves." Emily says. Elizabeth smiles.

"Good thing you're going to her. She's an old friend." Liz says. "She's good." Elizabeth runs a hand down her daughter's face. "Let's build a wall." Liz says. Emily hugs her mom. They turn on music and Elizabeth shakes her head at her daughter's music. Emily always liked the oldies. She watches her daughter, and she can't help but think of what a wonderful confident woman she gave birth too. She couldn't have felt more proud.

**Alright! Whoo! Another chapter! It's super long too!(: I had all day to do this with minor distractions so they will probably go back to being shorter after this. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I love REVIEWS! XD**


	10. Chapter 10

**lAnother date another chapter! **

**Guest(Derek and Emily not knowing much about each other): They do know a lot about each other, but it's stuff best friends would know not really couples so much. He knows the basics of things. Her favorite color, meal, wine, movies, etc. He doesn't know things like why her and her mother had such a bad relationship in the beginning. He doesn't know anything about her father, or any family besides her mother. She knows nothing about his past and has only met his family once. He hasn't really told her much about his time before coming to the BAU. They are both SUPER private people, and they know the basic things about each other but they haven't really gone below the surface. Being a couple will change that privacy. **

**ENJOY!**

"Emily? Baby?" he says walking through the door to the old house. He was worried when there was no response until he heard giggling coming from upstairs. He walked to the top floor, and saw two tall brunettes.

"Mom! Look you have to hold it still!" Emily says with a smile. Elizabeth smiles too. Emily was handing a drill, and Elizabeth was holding the wood to a board. Emily drills it in. Derek stands on the side. Emily get's the nail in and he looks at the built wall.

"Wow...when you said you'd have the wall built by tonight you weren't joking. Good work baby." Derek says with a smile. It was late, really, really, really late. Emily turned around, and saw Derek. Elizabeth laughed when Derek blushed at her. Him and Emily walk toward each other, and kiss quickly. He holds onto her. "It's a tough one." he whispers in her ear.

"Well, we can go home and you can hold me if it helps." Emily says. He nods.

"Which place is home?" he asks. She smiles.

"Whichever place that has you in it tonight." she says. Elizabeth grin at the adorable scene, and laughs. Derek let's go, and nods toward Elizabeth. She smiles and waves a bit.

"Nice to see you again Derek." she says. He nods, and then he looks at the clothes she's wearing and laughs.

"You too ambassador. I don't think I've ever seen you in anything but formal clothes." he says with a chuckle. She shrugs.

"Emily talked me into coming here, and eating a horribly-delicious giant burger, and then I built a wall with my daughter. It's been an odd day." Liz says. "Emily, I was wondering if I could stay with you for a few days. Especially since you don't have a job anymore. I...I could be good company. I'm not...doing anything for a few days." Liz says. Emily nods.

"I could make the guest room up. That's fine. What about work?" Emily asks her. Her whole life her mother couldn't spend the days with her because she had to work.

"I want to spend time with my daughter. Work can wait. Plus, you need some help with this house if it's going to be made by the time you guys want to start a family." Liz says with a smile. Emily chuckles. They all head out and get in the car. That night Derek and Emily curled up on the couch.

"Wanna tell me about it?" Emily asks tracing his chest through his shirt. Focusing on the way his shirt folds up against her finger.

"It's...kids." he says. He bites his lip, and he pulls her closer. "You know how cases with kids are." he says softly.

"I know. How young?" she asks. He doesn't want to answer.

"They're just babies Em. 5 at most." he says shaking his head. He always got sick in his stomach when thinking about this. He didn't want to see their little faces. It hurt too much.

"I'm sorry baby." she says. "I know how it is..." she says looking up at him. He smirks.

"I know you do baby." he says. He leans down to kiss her. She kisses him back. "You make my life...so much better." he whispers into her mouth.

"I love you." she says closing her eyes and deepening the kiss. In between kisses he replies.

"I love you too baby." he says. He lifts her up, and she straddles his lap. They continue to make out until he grabs the inside of her thigh and tickles her. She shoots up and laughs out loud. He gets on top of her and she starts to giggle. She grabs his hand, and moves quickly. She flips him over and pins him down.

"And you doubted my skillz!" she says. He laughs and flips her over. Elizabeth laugh's at the two "kids" rolling around on the floor wrestling. They giggle until they can't breathe. She shakes her head. It's nice to see Emily so happy.

* * *

"No...no..." Emily starts to whimper in her sleep. "No...please don't." she whimpers thrashing about. She forgot to take her meds between Derek spending the night, and her mother being here. Another loud whimper turned into a cry. She moves harshly against Derek. "Stop!" she yells out. Derek's eyes flash open, and he goes to wake her up immediately. "STOP! PLEASE DON'T! I'M NOT YOU LAUREN GO AWAY!" she screams. She won't stop moving. Elizabeth run's in and watches her daughter's boyfriend try to wake her. Tears fall down Emily's face.

"Emily it's me! Derek! Come on baby, wake up!" he says to her. Her eyes pop open and she sees Derek above her. Her arms fly around him, and she holds onto him so tight. He wraps her in his arms, and rocks her making shushing sounds. He kisses her forehead, and glances at Elizabeth. She's just standing there with a sad horrified look on her face. She remembers when Emily was little and would cling to her like that. "I can make her some food if you want to stay with her. She needs to eat with her pills...I guess we both just...forgot." he says angry at himself. Elizabeth just nods. She sit's down, and she put's a hand on Emily's shoulder.

"Come here baby." she says trying not to cry. Emily goes to her mom, and Liz takes her daughter into her arms. Emily cries and she runs her fingers through her daughter's hair. Her baby girls hair. She bites her lip, and she's taken back to when Emily was just tiny. Shakily through her tears she starts to sing softly. "Well...I've been afraid of changing cause I've built my life around you. But time makes you bolder. Children get older. Yeah well time makes you bolder. I'm get-getting older too." she sings to her daughter. Emily smiles when she hears the soothing voice. She wiped her mom's tears away with her thumb.

"Don't cry. I'll be okay." Emily says. Liz just nods.

"I know sweety, but...I missed you so much." she says breathing through tears. Elizabeth holds her tighter than she ever has.

"I missed you too mommy. I'm sorry for everything I ever said to you. I'm sorry I told you I hated you." Emily says. Liz nods.

"I know you are honey. I know. I'm sorry for always being gone I never got...the last time I saw you we fought, and I can never have that again." she says holding onto her. They rock together, and Derek comes back with a PB&J. He waits till they stop crying a bit, and when he walks in he sees the ambassador to wipe away her tears quickly. "I'm...I'm sorry." she says quickly. "This about Emily I..." Elizabeth blushes. Emily reaches and takes her food from Derek. She eat's quickly. She takes her pills and says goodnight to her mother. Her and Derek get back in bed, and cuddle up close. Elizabeth takes one more glance and sighs. How could she miss so much of her daughter's life?

* * *

Thursday came too soon, and Emily found herself sitting in a light green painted waiting room. The clock on the wall was ticking and she squirmed in her seat. Her nails were in her mouth. She hated therapists. She watches a nervous, twitching kid walk out of the office along with a tall red head. The woman had glasses and was very bookish looking. She had a soft smile though, and a motherly feeling. The kid had to either be on drugs, or schizophrenic. She didn't guess. The woman at the front desk wrote him a prescription and left. The tall woman that she is guessing is Evelyn Graves turns to her. "Emily Prentiss?" she asks with a large smile. She looks to be the same age as David and her mother. Emily nods and stands. She walks into the office and takes a seat on a leather couch. "Wow. Emily Prentiss in my office. David told me something happened, and that you wanted to see someone about it." Evelyn says. Emily nods.

"I'm going to tell the truth...I hate talking to people. I'm not good at opening up." Emily says. Evelyn smiles.

"Like mother like daughter. Did David tell you who I am?" she says with a smile. Emily shakes her head no. Evelyn smiles. "I'm David's ex-wife. You're mother, David, and I go way back." she says. "So, I since you are bad at this, do you mind telling me about this...mission?" Evelyn says. Emily nods.

"It was a mission to take down a terrorist named Ian Doyle. My cover was a woman named Lauren Reynolds. She is a arms dealer. Ian Doyle was my target. I met him, and we developed a relationship, as it was part of the mission." Emily says. Evelyn just nods and writes things down.

"Was it a sexual relationship?" asks. Emily nods.

"Well, I was with him for two years." Emily says. "He...he loved me, or he said he loved me. He's a psychopath...that was the profile." Emily says softly. Evelyn nods. Emily recited what happened with Doyle and Evelyn listened patiently. After the session she sighs.

"So...I have one more question, what made you want to get help?" Evelyn asked. Emily shrugged. She was not going to tell her about Lauren just yet...not yet.

"I, I was in a bad place. A few months prior I...my boyfriend I guess broke up with me. He was...he was who I leaned on." Emily says. "I guess he didn't really break up with me, he just...it's hard to explain. We had a sexual relationship before everything happened. In fact it had been going on about five years when Doyle happened." Emily says blushing a bit.

"Oh," she says. "And...do you mind if I ask who this is?" she asks. Emily blushes again.

"Derek Morgan...from my team." she says. Evelyn smirks.

"What happened the night you were in a bad place?" she asked. Emily sighs.

"I...I...I was drinking a lot. I had a voice in my head telling me...I was going to end my life. I called Derek because he was the last person I wanted to hear before I died. He knew, he came, he saved me. We've been...we've been together since that day." Emily says. "We're fixing up a house, we've been so...so happy. It's been nice." Emily says.

* * *

Time had passed quickly, and Emily was enjoying having her mother there with her. Friday came, and she had a smile on her face. They had gotten closer over the few days that Elizabeth had been visiting. It was her final night here, and her mother was getting ready in the bathroom. When Elizabeth walked out she looked beautiful. Her hair was done up pretty, and she had a tad more make up on than usual. A red dress that made her skin and dark hair stand out. Emily looks at her surprised. "Where are you going?" Emily asks smirking a bit. Elizabeth blushes.

"No where special. I'm going to David's house for dinner. We have a dinner every time I visit." Elizabeth said biting her lip like Emily does when she gets caught doing something she shouldn't.

"Oh you do now? And do you always dress so nice when you go to these...dinners at Dave's house?" Emily asks with wit in her voice. Elizabeth gives her a 'I'm not gonna deal with you right now' look.

"It's just dinner between old friends..." Elizabeth says. "I probably won't be home tonight though so don't stay up. I love you daughter. Night." she says kissing Emily's cheek and walking out before Emily can say anything to her about not coming home.

"I love you too!" Emily yells with a laugh. Sergio jumps on her lap and starts to purr. It should be an hour or so when Derek get's home. She takes out some ice cream and turns on her tv. She finds Sex and the City and eat's away. At about 10 her cell phone rings. She looks at the caller ID and is shocked as too what she sees. "Clyde?" she asks. She hears a chuckle.

"It's me darling...do you mind if I come over and talk to you about something?" he asks. Her jaw drops.

"What? You're in the states?" she asks.

"Yes, I am. Now can I come over? We have something to talk about." Clyde says. She get's nervous.

"I hate when you do this. Yes, you may come over." Emily says. Fifteen minutes later Emily is in jeans instead of jammies, and the ice cream is away. The knock on the door happens and she opens it too reveal Clyde. He walks in and smiles. He looks at the tv.

"Sex and the City? Really Emily?" he says. She turns her tv off quickly, and looks at Clyde.

"What do you want?" she asks. He smiles.

"What? I can't come visit, and old...friend." he says checking her ass out as she walks into her kitchen to get the wine out. "You've always had the best arse." he says. She turns around and glares at him.

"I'm in a committed relationship." she replies to his comment. "What do you want from me?" she asks. He sighs sadly.

"Pour that before I ask." he says. She pours the wine, and he sighs again. "Donny, from..." he started but she interrupts him quickly.

"I know who Donny is. What happened?" she asks concerned now.

"He was shot down three nights ago by a small time guy that we've both been acquainted with." Clyde says. She stops in her tracks.

"Who?" she asks. "Who is it?" she asks a bit more forcefully. Donny was a few years younger than her, but he was good. He was tough. He was a newly wed when she first met him. They had become friends quickly, and he saved her ass more times than she could count on one hand. Donny was angry when she went under cover. He was always looking out for her. "What happened?" she asked now upset about her friend. The kid she tried to teach, and mentor. She was nice to him when the other's were rude, and mean to him most of the time. She drinks her wine.

"Aleksandr Shchegelsky. He was out of the loop, and ever since Doyle's death their were rumors that the reason he died was because of a fight with an FBI agent. Their are also rumors that Lauren Reynolds isn't dead, but that she turned against Doyle and went state." he says. "I know what you went through, but I need to get this guy. I need to get him for Donny's kids Emily. I..." Clyde takes a minute, but controls his emotions quickly. "I need to make sure he is away forever." Clyde finishes. Emily takes a breath.

"What do you need me to do?" she asks. He gives her a look then says it in a lower voice.

"I need Lauren Reynolds to do her thing, and get him to give up information." he says. She looks at him, and she can feel Lauren smiling inside of her.

_For Donny...Emily. _Lauren whispers parts of her voice are caring...the rest is evil. Clyde didn't know how dangerous letting Lauren out would be.

"I can't do that." she says. "I can't be Lauren Reynolds again." Emily says. She takes a deep breath, and bites her lip. _Emily, I will be good. _Lauren says. "I can't." she says. Clyde sighs audibly.

"It's for Donny! Damn it Emily please. We have no leads, no evidence...Emily we have nothing. I can't look at the faces of his children anymore, Emily." Clyde raises his voice, and Emily can see the emotion written on his face. Emily walks up to him, and he runs his hands through his hair. "I'm really sick of losing people and not getting justice." Clyde says. She puts her hands on Clyde's forearms to calm him down.

"Okay. I'll...I'll think about it...I need to discuss it with my boyfriend. He won't like this." Emily says. Clyde sighs.

"Then don't tell him I need you on this with me. You are my last, and only shot." Clyde says staring in Emily's eyes.

"I...I'll think about it." Emily says. "He should be coming here soon. It's Friday. David is off work that means Derek should be coming through the door any minute. I...it was nice seeing you Clyde I'll call." she says. He sighs.

"Can't we just...talk? Like old friends. You were always my favorite destraction." he says with a breathy chuckle. He downs the drink she pours him, and smiles at her. She's smirking.

"Sure. Come sit." she says. They sit down, and they start to talk. She let's out a loud laugh as the door unlocks and opens.

"Emily?" Derek asks. He hears a man's laughing. He walks more into the room, and sees Emily laughing as Clyde puts a hand up to her face. He was telling a story, and Emily was cracking up. She takes another drink of her wine, and smiles when she sees Derek. "Em...Clyde." he says kind of bitterly. She sighs when she hears his tone. Derek goes up the stairs, and waits until Clyde is gone to come back down.

"You should go Clyde...I'll call you when I have an answer." Emily says to him. Clyde raises his glass quickly.

"To Donny..." Clyde says a bit sadly. Emily nods, and they clink glasses.

"To Donny..." she repeats. They down their drinks. They both stand and she hands him his phone from the table. He smiles, and kisses her on her cheek.

"I really hope you help us. Donny loved you Em." he says. Emily nods.

"Yeah...it was the same for me." she says softly. She takes a deep breath. He walks out the door, and Emily shuts it with a sad smile. She bites her lip as she thinks about her friend, and his family. His poor kids. Derek trots downstairs, and gives her a look. She knows he wasn't very happy to find her and Clyde sitting there talking. Sitting closely on her couch. His hand on her face. Her giggling like an idiot. He won't be mean though. She knows that, but it still makes her angry at how jealous he can get. He's always hated Clyde. Mostly because Clyde was the reason Lauren existed.

"So, Clyde was here." he says biting his words. She sighs. Her friend was dead, and she didn't feel like arguing.

"Yeah. He was. I have a lot to think about, and a lot on my mind." Derek sighs. "So please stop...I don't need this right now. We've been so happy. Don't do this." Emily says. His voice softens, but he doesn't detect the sadness in her tone.

"I'm sorry Em, what am I supposed to think though? Clyde was here. Touching you..." Derek says. "I just...don't trust that guy." Derek says shuffling through the fridge.

"He was telling a story about something Donny did once while we were undercover together." Emily says, her voice cracking when she says Donny. Derek turns around quickly. He runs to her when he sees her crying.

"What? Emily, what happened? Why was he here?" he asks her sitting down next to her.

"Donny's dead, and they need my help to catch him." she says softly. "His...he has kids, and a wife...he...saved my ass so many times." Emily says. She wipes her tears away quickly. "I'm going to do something Derek, and you can't change my mind...Clyde needs me to go UC...to catch Donny's killer. I need too...I'm going to become Lauren again." she says looking at him waiting for his reply. Anger fills his face, and he let's out a harsh breath.

"Hell. No." Derek says.

**OH NO! Trouble in paradise! It was too happy for a bit. I needed a change up.****..don't worry, I have faith they'll be fine. ****Hope you enjoyed! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!(:**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you to those who reviewed! ENJOY!**

"Hell. No." Derek says slowly. "No. I won't let you do this. Is that why he was here?" Derek asks standing. "No. Just last week you were going to kill yourself, KILL YOURSELF, Emily because of Lauren. What the fuck are you thinking?" he asks. She looks at him stunned at his reaction. She knew he wouldn't take it well but she never thought he would tell her she couldn't do it. She feels anger fill her. She stands up, and wipes her tears away quickly.

"You...won't let me. Let me. I am not your property. You can't tell me what I can and can't do!" Emily says angrily. Derek notices his mistake and quickly tries to fix it.

"Emily that isn't what...I didn't mean too..." he tries, but he can't find the words.

"You didn't mean to what?" Emily asks angrily.

"I didn't mean to say that. I just don't want you to do this. This is crazy Emily." he says calmly trying to get her to calm down. If she gets angry she will rebel on purpose. Just to prove she doesn't have to listen to him. He knows this. Over the week he's learned from her mother how Emily was a teenager. Every time Elizabeth tells her not to do something she'll do it. To this day it supports her. Hotch has told her not to do things, and so has her mother...she does those things anyway with more determination. Her tears were gone. That's how she was. Around him she could easily show her sadness. Show her tears. Except when she notices her tears, or starts feeling insecure. Then the tears dry up, her case face gets put on, and no one can tell if she's upset or not. "Emily, you can't do this. I don't want to fight with you. It just...it's not a good idea baby." he says walking toward her and wrapping his arms around her. "I just...what if you go in, and I lose you?" he says. She bites her lip. "I'm so scared of losing you again." she nods, and sighs.

"I know baby. I know, I just...he was a very good friend of mine. He saved my ass. I was there when he got promoted to our team. When he wasn't just a trainee anymore. I helped him get that job. I...I was there when he had his first kid. He was my friend, and Clyde says that their is one last chance to catch who murdered him...I'm it. He made a promise to Donny's kids Derek. He's not well about this. Usually he wouldn't be this desperate." Emily says. They both had calmed and now it was just a discussion. A tense one, but a calm one.

"I understand, but I'm desperate too. So many things could go wrong. It's too risky." he says. "I just...I can't sit back and watch you do this." he says. She sighs.

"It's confusing for me too. I mean...like you said just last week I was going to..." she pauses deciding that she can't say what she was going to do out loud. "And now I was going to go...put on her clothes...be her. Let her take over. Touch another man, not sexually...but enough to make you- I don't know if I could do it, but...it's Don. It's for Donny." she says sadly. "I know about the promises he made to these children. To his wife. I...I've made them myself. I've always followed through. I've always been able to follow through. You have too." she says softly. Derek knows why she wants to do this. Derek with always be grateful to the man that caught his dad's murderer. He's made a promise to keep people safe. To keep the bad man away. He knows how it is to make that promise. Like Emily, he's always been able to follow through. He's never had to see the disappointment written on a child's face when you tell them that they won't ever be given justice.

"I feel bad for Clyde, Emily...I do, but you didn't make that promise." he says. Emily nods. Derek sits on the couch, and she goes toward him. She lays down on top of him, and cuddles up to him.

"I know...I haven't made my mind up yet, but promise me you'll love me no matter what I do." she says. He smirks.

"Always princess." he says lifting her chin. He leans down to kiss her, and she responds quickly. Her eyes close and she is reminded of how safe she feels right here. In this man's arms. They break away and she puts her hands on his face. "I love you." he whispers.

"I love you too." she says leaning forward to kiss him again. "How many days have we been...serious?" she asks with a smile. He laughs a bit too.

"Um...about a week." he says. She smiles.

"It feels like forever." she says wrapping her body around his. He holds her tightly, and he kisses her temple.

"I want it to be forever." he says. She nods.

"It will be forever." she says kissing his neck. "Can we...make a baby?" she asks. He looks down at her.

"You want a baby now?" he asks her. She swats him.

"I want to try. I'm not getting any younger, and I...I love you." she says. He smiles. "If I were to get pregnant...or if I had gotten pregnant, you would stay by side wouldn't you?" she asks. He smiles.

"Always princess. What brought this conversation on?" he asks. She shrugs. The truth was she'd been in that house all week long, and that room made her see her world differently.

"I don't know. It was probably dumb to bring this up anyways." she says softly. He kisses her forehead.

"Don't do that baby. Don't bring your walls back up. It's just me. We can...if you want. Do you really think we're ready for a baby?" he asks. She shrugs.

"I guess we aren't. Someday?" she asks. He nods.

"Definitely." he says.

* * *

Emily had barely gotten any sleep that night. The sleeping pills didn't even help. Her nightmares stayed away though. Derek slept soundly. She loved this. The feel of his skin. Touching her's. She wanted to feel him again. It'd been so long since either of them had any pleasure in general. She let her fingers run along his bare chest. He was holding her. Like a teddy bear. She was used to this. Being held at night. His bare skin against her. She wanted him so bad...she wanted a baby too. She wasn't joking or lying when she said she wanted to make a baby with him. She wanted that badly. More than anything really. To the point she considered giving up with the house because it hurt to much to be in that room. She tried to imagine it as an office, or...anything else. The pink walls, and rocking chair had to go away.

This leads her to wonder how Derek would've reacted to her telling him that she was going to have their baby. Their beautiful baby. She put a hand on her empty womb, and sighed. She'd been doing that a lot lately. She got out of bed, and made herself some coffee. She sat on her couch, and sat staring out the window of her apartment. The one she moved into after she came back. It didn't really feel much like home. Derek's house felt a little bit more like home, but not truly. Oddly that house gave her comfort. It was homey. As homey as it could be. She was so happy Derek had the day off. That way they could go to the house. Finish building the room she was working on by herself Wednesday. Her mother enjoyed their time, but building wasn't really her thing. Emily had understood, but she still went. She even hired a plumber to get the water to run, and the toilet to work. He also taught her how to turn the water off when she left the house for a few days so that she wouldn't have to pay for it running all the time. She was very proud of herself after that.

She wanted to be in that house everyday. It was a perfect place...a perfect place for a family. Some one else's family. She had to keep reminding herself that it may not be her's forever. She had brought the air mattress to it the other day, and stocked up on the food in the fridge. Derek had promised her that after his case ended, this weekend, they would stay at the house. She started to pack a bag. Bedtime clothes, work clothes, and some wine. While Derek slept she got everything ready. She packed candles, and anything else romantic she could think of.

Derek walked in the kitchen at 7. Emily was cooking pancakes in jogging clothes with a bag sitting on the table. She was listening to her pandora and singing with her headphones in. She looked sweaty so he assumed she had just come back from her run. He walked up behind her, and took her headphone out of her ear. "What are you doing up princess? All sweaty, and looking hot in these tight pants?" he says grabbing her butt. She moves her hips forward to get away from him.

"I had trouble sleeping." she says leaning back to him when he wraps his arms around her waist. She flips the pancakes. "I packed our bag...for the house this weekend. The air mattress is already there. Now it just needs two wonderful people to...sleep...on it." she says with a mischievous smirk. She puts her hands on his face, and brings his lips to her's. He chuckled, and was curious about her intentions. He let it be though. "Get dressed while I shower. We need to go soon." she says. "I wanna work on it all day." she says. She flips the pancakes off the skillet and made his the way he liked it. Once he was dressed he came back in and took his plate. He looked at the skillet and frowned.

"Babe? Where are yours?" he asks. He's worried because he knows that her eating habits where bad. She shrugs.

"I already ate. I had a granola bar." she says. He frowns, but she doesn't see it. She moves to the shower._  
_

When she's out they're both ready to go. She smiles and they walk out hand in hand. Hotch has already promised not to call them in unless it was critical. Clyde was going to blow up her phone all night, but she knew how to ignore him. She just wanted to focus on Derek and herself. When they pulled up to the house she was excited. Derek hadn't seen it since he walked in to find her and Elizabeth in it. This was mostly Emily's project now. Derek just came along for the ride. He was fine with it though. Emily loved this place. That's what mattered. She led him inside, and needless to say it wasn't what he expected. He didn't know how much years of building with him actually taught her. Apparently a lot. A few walls were put up, and balanced. One was smashed down. The old sink, and toilets ran water after she turned the water back on. He was very impressed. It wasn't livable, but two days aren't bad. Especially with Emily. They worked together, and fooled around a bit. Sometimes they would get distracted, or argue about what wall needs to go or stay. Emily won as usual. They ate lunch at the diner down the road. The day was perfect.

Nightfall came, and Emily was nervous. She was going to do it...or try to do it. Being rejected by him would hurt, but she had to prepare herself. She smiled, and lit the candles while he went to go mess with something outside. She filled the air mattress with air, and poured them wine. She set the music perfectly, and stripped down to nothing. She wanted, no needed this. She got under the blanket, and drank the wine while she played on her phone waiting for him.

Derek walked into the living room, and saw her. She was on the mattress. One leg stretched out from underneath the blanket. His eyes traveled the path up that long leg. He was met with some blanket, then more skin. Her chest barely covered by the thin sheet. Skin all skin. Then a smirk. An evil grin to be precise. She was taking a long drink of red wine. "What is this?" he asks. She smiles.

"Well...I wanted to surprise you." she says standing, and holding the sheet to her body. He looks at her and gulps.

"I...well I'm surprised." he says. She grins, and wraps her arms around him making the sheet fall. He stared at her body, and wanted it so bad. He felt himself getting excited just at the sight of her. She kissed his lips, and he kissed her back. He let her deepen it, and he wanted her. He wanted her so bad, but...the said they wouldn't.

"Make love to me Derek." she says. He sighs. He knew he was crazy. Insane. He was a freaking Zombie for not taking her right there. He must've been a walking corpse. He knew that they had told each other they wouldn't though. He wanted to respect that.

With all the will power he has he says "Em...we agreed we wouldn't." he says moving away. She looks at him, and sighs. She frowns and closes her eyes. She wants to fight with him. Ask him why, because she doesn't understand. She didn't want to start anything though.

"Okay." she says hiding how upset this makes her. She smiles instead, and goes back to the bed. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight." she says. She knew she should try something, anything, but she just didn't have it in her. Why did he want to wait? They had talked about kids already. About having a house. Why wouldn't he take that step with her? She went to where she was before, and put her pajamas on. Derek watched every move she made with a frown. He didn't mean to upset her. It was obvious she worked hard. He just wanted to show her that he was serious about them. He was afraid of their relationship turning back into what it was. Comfort, no commitment. He wanted all the comfort, and all the commitment. He wanted it all. He just wanted to show her that. Things were a bit awkward after he said that. He could tell she was annoyed with him. When he walked into the room all the candles where blown out, and the wine was put away. She was fully clothed, and laying on her side. He knew she wasn't asleep. He laid down next to her, and hung an arm around her loosely. She sighs.

"Em. I know you're mad at me. Turn around so we can talk about this." Derek says. She doesn't move. She doesn't say anything. "Emily." he says softly.

"Derek, I just want to go to bed, okay? I don't feel like arguing." she says with out turning to him. He sighs audibly.

"I hate it when we go to bed like this. You are distant and annoyed with me. I can't sleep knowing that." he says.

"No. I'm not. Please. Let's just go to sleep." she replies to him. She really doesn't want to talk about what happened. It was a bit embarrassing for her. Today had been perfect. Perfect. She kicked herself for ruining it.

"Emily, are you upset?" he asks her. She groans.

"Yes. Fine. I'm upset because I don't understand. There. Now can we go to bed damn it?" she snaps at him. Still not looking at him.

"What don't you understand? I thought you were okay with this?" he asks her. She finally turns around.

"I am baby. I'm sorry. I just..." she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "I'm really tired. Can we just drop this? Please. We can forget it ever happened." she says softly. Not looking at him. He puts his hand to her face.

"Why do you keep pushing this?" he asks.

_Because I want a baby. _"Because it's been so freaking long, and we're acting like a married couple. You come home from work. You eat dinner. We cuddle. We go to bed. We wake up, and the day just repeats itself. I quit my job at the BAU because we needed to disclose our relationship. I've had fun doing nothing all day, but I'm beginning to feel restless. Restless, and sexually frustrated. I know you wanted to make it special, but we've talked about children, we've said 'I love you', you bought me a ring. It's like you are purposely avoiding sex. I don't understand it all. I'm beginning to think it's me you have a problem with." she says sitting up so she can talk correctly. He looks at her in shock.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asks. She shrugs.

"Because I didn't want to cause a fight. I hate fighting with you. More than anything in the world I hate fighting with you." she says softly. He reaches for her.

"Emily, we need to talk about these things." he says. She was frustrated with him.

"I thought that I was sending some pretty blatant messages." she says. Derek sighs.

"I know, I just...Emily, I'm worried that I will mess this up by having sex. I want you to know how serious I am about you." he says. She gives him a look.

"That's the only reason? Really?" she asks. "Derek you've proposed. I know you're serious." she says. She bites her lip. She reaches for him, and takes his hand in her's. "I know that we aren't how we were. I know that we shouldn't just jump into things but I've waited 5 and a half long, long, long, long years to spend eternity with you. Touch me." she says bringing his hand to rest on her breast. Her eyes practically begging for him. He stared at her for a minute.

"Em, are you sure this is a good idea? I don't want to mess up our relationship." he says. She smiled.

"We've made love a million times. It's no different this time." she says pushing him back.

"This time we know we love each other. This time it's different. This time...we can say it." he says as she climbs his lap. She takes off her tank top, and he stares at her chest. He looks back up at her, and she smiles a bit. He kisses her lips, and then down her neck. She'd been waiting so long for this to happen again. _Give me baby God. Please. _She silently prays. They make love that night. It was unlike anything they'd ever felt before. I love you was whispered breathlessly in ears. Kisses were shared. It was different. It was real, and it was the best.

* * *

The next morning Emily woke with a smile on her face. She had wanted that for a while. Needed it for a while. She lied last night, though. She could live with the frustration. The minor distance. She didn't mind that. She wanted a baby though. It's like ever since she lost her last one she's needed another one. That doubt about her being fit to be a mother was still there though. Lauren's voice in her head was still there. She slowly, and gently rose of bed. She put on Derek's shirt, and his boots. She climbed the old stairs and went to that room. That one room that seemed to spark the fire with in her. Clyde had called her several times last night. She didn't have it in her heart to reject him, yet she also didn't have it in her to take it. She was trying to rid Lauren, not let her out. Emily was conflicted, confused. If she had a child, her child, her little girl that her and Derek shared, it wouldn't even be an option. Who besides Derek did she have to live for? Her team, her family. Declan. Her mother. Everybody. That made her feel a little bit better. She felt loved again. She let a hand run along the wall. She could imagine it. Her, and a baby. Rocking in this room. She would sing to it at night. She would run her hand along the baby's chubby little cheek and whisper to it.

Emily places her hand over her stomach, and leans against the doorway. Her whole world would just change if it would happen. She prays to God that last night did the trick. She needs this. She looks around, and bites her lip. She needs to make a decision. She needs to get rid of Lauren. She thinks of her friend as she stares at the empty room. She can't help but wonder if he ever stared at a room. Imagined his baby girl sleeping in a crib in the corner. Maybe a strong little boy like his father. She takes a deep breath. Even though she's alone she doesn't want to be emotional right now. She thinks about his kids. About how he had them. They had him. They deserved this. Her fingers were on her keypad quickly. She dialed his number, and he answered. "Emily? I've been calling you all weekend. I nee-" he says. She cuts him off.

"I'll do it." she says.

"What?" he asks clearly shocked.

"I'm going to do it." she says.

"See you on Monday then, darling." he says. She hangs up, and feels Derek's arms wrap around her.

"I'm not happy, but...I understand." he says. "If it was JJ who died I would want to catch the person that did it, and I would use every power I had." he says.

"Clyde would use someone else, but this guy knows Lauren. Another person wouldn't get passed him. He's too smart for that. He's a dumb person, smart criminal. He just knows me. He has no leads. I'm really his last resort." she says.

"Okay." he says whispering into her ear. Holding onto her tight. They would be okay. They would be okay forever. His eyes closed tightly, and she leaned against him staring into the room.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for the reviews! Time jump, two weeks. Don't hate on me for how this was followed through. I believe this is how Lauren would've acted, and I don't think Emily would've broken that role. It's unrealistic to me. ENJOY!**

"Derek I already told you do not come to this." she says nervous. Derek was carrying her bag. Her heart was beating as they walked toward Clyde's office.

"I want too. I need to make sure you're safe." he says. "I thought you would be happy about me having there." he says. She turns to him, but still walks forward.

"Lauren has a specific way to get things she wants from people. I don't want you to get mad at me." Emily says. He looks at her curiously.

"Emily, as long as he doesn't remove any clothes, and keeps his hands friendly we won't have a problem." he says. Emily sighs. The truth was, she didn't know if he could keep his hands friendly. She knew what she was supposed to do, and she knew what she was going to do. She knew how to approach it. She'd been Lauren for two years. She could go back.

"Derek, he may not keep his hands friendly. I may say things to him that you don't like. You can't get angry with me." she says. He nods.

"I know." he says. Emily was terrified that he didn't know. That he hadn't known. That this would cause problems between them. They had been dating for three weeks. Three weeks together. It felt like years. When they get to Clyde's office she knocks before entering. Clyde smiles, but it falters when he sees Derek. Clyde had been told that Derek would be there to oversee, but he wasn't happy about it.

"Hi." she says. Clyde smiles, and kisses her cheek.

"Hello, darling." he says. "So here's the plan. Alek goes to the same bar every Friday night. Tonight you will enter that bar, and talk to him. Here's what he looks like. I'm sure you'll recognize him though." Clyde says. "Take time to check out the offices here. I'm only here for another week, and I need to find someone ASAP. Check it out." he says. "Specifically this one." he says walking out. She glances around the large office. It was twice the size of Hotch's and Derek's put together. It had a giant window overseeing the people slightly below floor level. She could redo it. She would redo it, but the layout was crazy fancy. It had a bathroom too it, and a few couches. It really was huge.

"So this giant office would be yours if you took this job from him?" Derek asks. Emily just nods. "You do realize that if you take this job, you will be considerably higher on the food chain than I right?" Derek says. She laughs.

"Oh yeah I would. I'd be above Strauss if I got this job. In fact I would probably be above everyone in the FBI. I would be running a whole building, a corporation in DC. This is something to think about. I would have my own team." she says. "A very, international elite team. I would also be doing a lot of paper work, and a lot of meetings." she says. He smirks.

"It looks good on you." he says. "I mean, I'm not a big fan of you coming back here after what they did to you but you work well with the corporation. I just don't like you working with Clyde." he says giving a dirty look.

"Don't be. He won't even be working closely with me. In fact he will be overseas while I'm here. With you. Maybe sometimes in this office." she says with a mischievous grin. He laughs and wraps his arms around her pulling them close to each other. He kisses her.

"I like the idea of you being boss. It's kinda sexy." he says kissing her again. She deepens the kiss and he grabs her tighter.

"Um, we're ready for you." a young woman says as she opens the door. Emily and Derek break away. Emily blushes a bit because they just got caught kissing. She kisses Derek quickly on the lips, and walks out with the woman. When she walks downstairs she sees a rack of clothes. She is given a midnight blue dress that is extremely short, and extremely tight. She closes her eyes, and she can hear Lauren. She does her hair in the mirror smoking a cigarette. Her lips are red, and her hair is curled. Her make up is dark, and she doesn't look much different than Emily would on a normal night she went out. There was a look in her eye though. One that said don't mess with me. A dangerous look. That was what made Lauren, among other things, different than Emily. Lauren was deadly to everybody. She let's Lauren get into her head. She finds herself not caring about anyone. Anything. She sucks on her cigarette and walks out of the building to get into a nice car. Derek had an uneasy feeling. Maybe it was the fact that when he looked Emily in the eye he didn't see the love that was usually there, no he saw lust. Lust and hatred. He wondered why.

The car drove up to the doors of a nightclub. Emily took a breath, and prayed that Derek wouldn't be mad. After that, she was back to being Lauren. She walked her way past everybody in the line. She'd been here before. Talked to a lot of these people. It wasn't all that foreign to her. The bouncer looked her up, and down and she smiled. "Come on baby. Let me pass." she says with a smile. He smirks at her and moves the gate. She walks through it with a smirk planted on her face. She sees her target, and walks swiftly to the seat next to him. She pretends not to notice him, but she knows he notices her.

"Lauren Reynolds." he says. She smirks, and turns her head.

"Do I know you?" she asks making it look as if she was really curious to if she knew him. "I think I'd remember you." she says looking him up and down.

"Alek. Aleksandr Shchegelsky." he says. "You were with Doyle when I first met you. You broke my fingers when I touched you." he says. She laughs, and nods.

"I remember you now. How's the fingers since then?" she asks. He smiles, and checks her out again.

"They work just as well as they would've before." he said reaching for her.

"Do you want me to break them again?" she says without looking at him. She knew he was reaching for her. She orders her drink and leans against the bar.

"So, I heard you 'died' in a car accident. Now we both know that isn't true. Did you turn state like everyone was saying?" he asks. She let's out a light laugh.

"To put away Ian's enemies." she says sipping her drink.

"Ah, I heard about him." he says. Her head snaps toward him.

"What did you hear?" she asks.

"That he died. Why are you here if you are in witness protection?" he asks.

"When Ian died I didn't care anymore. I killed my handler. Went to Europe. They couldn't find me. Still can't." she says. He looked at her curiously.

"So, did you tell them information or something?" he asked. She laughed.

"No. I don't give information. That get's you killed." she says lighting a cigarette. "I'm not stupid." she says. He smirks.

"So you wouldn't tell on me baby?" he asks. She smiles.

"And what if I wouldn't?" she asks.

"Then we could have a good time." he says. She smiles as he reaches for her.

"I don't know..." she says. His hand goes to her hip.

"I bet you...I could get you nice, and...worked up." he says with a smile. She laughs softly, and walks toward him letting him wrap his arms around her hips.

"I bet you, you can't." she says. He smiles, and looks at her. He leans forward and whispers something into her ear. "Nope." he tries again, and she closes her eyes. "You know what really turns me on?" she says in a husky voice as he raises his hand to touch her breast. Derek grinds his teeth together as he watches this guy feel up his girlfriend. Watching her laugh, and talk to him in that husky voice. The voice she uses with him. He doesn't say anything though, just listens. "Who was the last person you killed?" she asks climbing on top of him in his seat. He smirks.

"Some cop." he says biting at her neck.

"What did you do to him?" she asks sounding like she's getting worked up. She grinds her hips against him a bit, and he closes his eyes. He smiles.

"How do I know that you won't run to the cops?" he asks holding onto her. She rolls her eyes and scoffs. She climbs off of him, and downs her drink.

"You aren't worth my time. You probably aren't even that good." she says starting to walk toward some guy. Giving him her attention. She knows that she hit a nerve. She knows that he'll come after her. Sure enough a minute later she feels a hand grip her arm. Alek pulls her onto the dance floor, and pushes himself against her. One of his legs went in between her's. He starts moving his hips against her's. Derek felt himself get angry. He knew he promised he wouldn't but he was mad.

"Wanna know what I did? Does that turn you on? This cop, no agent. Interpol to be exact. He was coming after me, and I got him. I raised my gun, and I shot him baby." she looks at him, and he can see arousal in her eyes.

"Mmm...how many times?" she asks with a smile.

"Emptied my clip. Now let's go have some fun, and I can tell you more about it." he says. "I bet Ian never rocked your world like I'm going to." All of a sudden Lauren came out full force. Emily was there a bit making sure everything was under control, she wasn't fully immersed in her role yet. She hadn't become Lauren yet. Not fully. She was mostly Lauren because it made her sick thinking of what she was doing. Lauren would have loved that, and Emily had to accept Lauren's way of working. In that moment though, after Ian's name was said, Emily was lost somewhere in the back of her mind. A hand moves all the way over, and she feels it hit Alek's face. She quickly moves to grab the hand he's trying to hit her back with. She twists it, and turns it and she's sure she heard a snap.

"You're under arrest you prick." she says. She pushes him to the ground and pins him with her heel. She lights another cigarette while Clyde and the rest of the team shows up. She moves away from him angrily, and she can feel herself shaking. She wants to throw up at how she acted. She knew that Derek was watching everything. She can't regret it though. She got the information she needed. No matter how sick it made her. _Ian's dead. _She hears Lauren say. Emily bites her lip. _We all killed him. _She says softly. _I..I can't live with out him. _She continues. Emily closes her eyes. She sees Alek, and walks over to him. She makes the two people holding him stop. She leans forward to his ear. "Ian was ten times the man you ever were. No one will be able to do what he did to me. You'll never be who he was. Now you can rot in hell with him." she says. Lauren backs away and then Emily feels something wash over her. Like, a piece of her has been laid to rest. Lauren was gone. Lauren found her peace. Lauren made her realization, and now she's gone. She can move on. Emily can too.

* * *

After the operation Emily knew Derek was mad at her. They were driving to her house, and it was awkward in the car. "What was that?" he asks.

"I got the information we needed. Donny's children get justice." she says not looking at him. The truth was she went to the bathroom and threw up after everybody had left. She even went into the locker room and showered till her skin was red. She always felt so dirty after doing this. She doesn't want too. It's Lauren's way of working, and it's efficient.

"There are ten thousand other ways to do that. You didn't have to..." he stops in his sentence. "How could you do that?" he asks.

"That's not why Clyde wanted me. He expected Lauren to act a certain way, and that was the way she acted. That wasn't me, Derek." she says. He was angry, too angry for this. "I told you, you shouldn't have come. Now you hate me. I did what I thought was right. I would've done the same thing for JJ, or Penelope, or Reid, or Hotch, or Rossi...I...I did what I had to do, and I'm sick of being shamed for it. I did it, and I did it well. People who hate me for it should just fuck off." she says as the car comes to a stop in her apartment drive way. She opens the door and slams it. She just wants to get passed this. She finally has a chance to live her life, and she knew she wanted that life to be with Derek but she didn't want to hear him demean her for what she did. She was sick of the dirty looks, and people she loved treating her this way. She did things the way she knew. She had a bold way of looking at it. It was acting. It was a role.

"Em..." he says. Walking after her. She doesn't turn back. "I'm just mad at how you handled things." she turned around.

"The person I was playing would have done it that way. Aleksandr knew how I acted. It was well known how Lauren got her job done. I had to stick to that. If I hadn't he would've been suspicious. Suspicious means death. Don't...don't be this way with me." she says. She knew that her and Derek were going to clash as a couple, but they were strong. As much as she knew they would have problems she also knew that they were strong enough to get passed these problems. "I told you not to come to this for this specific reason. I knew you would react that way. If it makes you feel any better I hate how Lauren acts. I hate it. It's not me, and it makes me sick to think that way. To have her in my head." she says. "I hate arguing with you. I hate it so much. I would do anything to not argue with you. Let's move passed this because Lauren is gone forever. Now it's just us. We can finally start that life you want because I'm ready now. Lauren is gone today. I hate being her. She's gone Derek. We never have to go through this again. Can't we just...go inside, and pour some wine. Can't we just...make love, and make me forget about it all? Please?" she asks walking toward him. He looks at her and smiles a sad smile. He leans down to kiss her.

"Never again." he says. "Never again." she nods, and he holds her for a minute. "We could take a bubble bath." he says with a laugh. She nods.

"I would love that." she says. He takes her hand, and she grips his tightly. He brings her to him again, and kisses her softly. "Always know that at the end of the night. I am yours, you are mine. We are in love. That job means nothing to me." she says. He nods and they kiss once more before walking in. When they get upstairs he starts that bath they spoke of. She pours them wine, and strips. She places her robe on herself, and lights a scented candle. She wants to feel his skin. She needs too. Feeling him against her will make every other man that has every touched her disappear. He walks in behind her, and he reaches around her. She takes a deep breath as he pulls on the tie of her robe. She put her hair in a clip so he lays a small kiss on the back of her neck. He let's the robe fall, and he runs his finger across the tattoo between her shoulder blades. لما يستحق was printed right there for him to see. _For What It's Worth. _She got it after she came back. It was a song that she heard after Stevie Nicks came out with a new album. She had said it reminded her of Matthew, and he didn't realize how until he had heard the song. She made Derek drag her to the tattoo place so she could get it on her back in Arabic. Her other one was the infinity symbol made with flower stems right below her stomach their was a date underneath it, she says it was for someone that died a long time ago. After they started to have sex again a few weeks ago he asked her. She said that it was the date her baby died. The third was another symbol. Inside her thigh. شهوة He laughed when she told him what it meant. _Lust. _Was written on her inner thigh. He trails his hand down to them all. Even the one inside her thigh. She leans back against him, and lets him take the lead. "I love you." she whispers.

"I love you too." he says kissing her neck. He leans over and turns the water off. He pulls down his boxers, and they get into the bathtub. Emily sips on her wine, and so does Derek. She closes her eyes as Derek starts to kiss her neck again. She needs him. She turns around, and presses her skin against his. This is perfect. They make love in the bathtub that night, and continue to after. Emily had been dragging him to bed all the time lately. She wouldn't admit to him that she was trying to get pregnant. The house wasn't nearly close to being done, but she had got some walls built and it was coming along. A few months was all it would take if she kept working on it at the pace she was. She was praying that they would have a baby soon. She wasn't sure if she should tell him about the miscarriage at all anymore. They were so happy, and she knew that he would hate her. She didn't want him to hate her.

That morning she was met with kisses, and breakfast. She had gotten used to Derek going to work, and leaving her at her apartment alone. She wanted to ask him to move in, but it all seemed too fast for him. She liked how fast it was going. She knew she was going to be with him forever, he did too. She didn't want to scare him though. She put a hand to her stomach, and looked at it for a minute. She was feeling off. She didn't know if it was hope, or...maybe she was. She put it off for a bit and went to the house. She pushes all those thoughts away, but she swore to herself she would check next week like she had planned. She got to the house, and stared at the walls. She could imagine it all. She could imagine the house that her children grew up in. Sergio, and Clooney. That's all she wanted. She just wanted to curl up on the couch with Derek, and their little boy or girl and watch a Disney film. She longed for it. She could see it all while she stood in that house. She wanted it now though. She wanted it all right now, but she knew that wasn't exactly possible.

* * *

Another week went by, and she was anxious to see the test she bought at the drug store said. She knew that she probably wasn't, but she had a little bit of hope. She had to remind herself that anything was possible. She just needed to believe in it. She took a deep breath, and went to the bathroom. After she was done she walked out, and held the stick in her hand. Three minutes. Three minutes she would have to wait. She sat on her couch, and stared into space after setting the timer. She wanted a baby. She wanted one so badly. Her suspicions about Lauren were true. Lauren was gone. She closed her eyes, and in the first time in a long long long time she actually prayed. She kneeled down on the ground put her hands together, and asked God for a favor she thought she didn't deserve. She jumped when she heard the ear piercing ring from the timer. She turned to the white stick on the table and stared at it for a minute. This was the moment of truth. This is why she had been dragging Derek to bed every day. This why in the middle of last week she went to see a fertility doctor. Alone. She knew she was deceiving Derek somewhat by trying to have a baby behind his back. He said that he wasn't quite ready, but she knew he would be if the time came...or at least she hoped he would be. Moment of truth. She leaned forward, and looked at the white stick. She felt tears fill her eyes.

**I thought I'd leave you with a little something right there. Hope you enjoyed! I'm going to go watch Frozen for the first time now!(: REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! My reviews have started to decrease! Let's increase them! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks to everybody who reviewed! They make me feel so awesome! ENJOY!**

Emily felt tears fill her eyes. One blue line. Just one. It was negative. It's like it was staring at her. Mocking her. She laid it on the table and leaned her head back. She sighed loudly, and stood to start dinner. She couldn't cook much, but she had learned a few things from Derek. One full meal she could cook herself. That meal was steak, and potatoes. She started to prepare the dinner, and poured herself some wine as she cooked with it. The test went into the trash, and she leaned against the counter thinking long and hard about what she'd been doing. She knew it was wrong, but she wanted a baby so badly. Much, much later dinner was done. Emily set the table, and lit a candle or two. She had her fourth glass of wine, and put something nice on. She just wanted dinner with her boyfriend. She put the food on the table, and texted her boyfriend. _Hey, baby. Come over tonight. I made dinner for us, and I really want to see you. It's been a bad day. _She writes. She had prepared what she was going to say to him, but she was still afraid of his reaction.

_Sure babe. I'm on my way. _He types. He needed to talk to her too. A doctor called for her the other day. A fertility doctor. He wasn't angry with her for getting the treatments, just for keeping it from him. He wanted them both to make decisions like this. Not just her alone. They needed to work together. He knew she wanted a baby, but he wasn't aware she wanted one now or why she was so desperate to have a baby. Soon he gets to her apartment door. He uses his key to open the door. He is met with a beautiful scene. Emily placing two plates of delicious looking food that he knows, because he taught her, has been cooking almost all day long. He approaches her and leans down to kiss her. She meets his lips with a small sad smile. He could smell the wine on her breath but didn't mention it. He knew she only drank wine alone on bad days. "How was your day baby?" he asks. She smiles.

"Um...it's better now that you're here. We have to talk about something." she says. He nods.

"I know we do." he says, and she gives him a look. Did he know? How? "Let me change then I will eat this wonderful meal you made." he says kissing her again. Two minutes later he walks out of the bedroom, and sees the woman of his dreams pouring herself more wine. He reaches over and takes it from her. He puts the cork back into it, and puts it on the shelf. "Your doctor called the other day. He left you a message on the machine about your fertility treatments. Why didn't you tell me?" he asks looking at her. He sits and she stares at him with a guilty look on her face. She could've told him the truth then and there, but she couldn't.

"It...it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not pregnant anyways." she says looking down, and taking a nibble of her potato. He watches her eat, well pick at her food, and it hurts him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks looking at her. She's leaning on her hand. She shrugs her shoulders. She's pulling away from him.

"It doesn't matter Derek. Let's just eat, and we can pretend nothing happened...because nothing happened." she says taking a drink of the glass of wine she has. He closes his eyes, but reaches for her hands. He opens his eyes back up and looks into her's.

"It matters to me. It matters to me how you feel, and what you want. I knew you wanted a baby, but I didn't know you wanted one right now. You didn't have to go behind my back and get fertility treatments. I want to be there for those if you have to get them. I want to be there all the way for any children we have." he says. Hearing this made her embarrassed that she did what she did. "Why would you go behind my back?" he asks. She bit her lip and thought about what she said before she said it.

"I...I thought maybe you would...reject the idea of having a baby. I mean you had when I told you I wanted a baby. I thought that you wouldn't want to try with me, but once you...once you found out that...that I was pregnant then you wouldn't reject the baby. You wouldn't right? I know you wouldn't." she says staring at her food.

"Of course I wouldn't reject our child, baby, I want nothing more than to have a kid with you. I just wasn't sure if this was the right time." he says. She nods.

"I know. I just..." she was going to tell him. _I killed our baby. _"I...I...I...really want a baby with you." she says. _Coward. _She thinks to herself. He looks at her and he can see the pain.

"What's wrong?" he asks. She shrugs.

"I was just hoping that the test I took this morning would be positive." she says quietly still moving her food around. He moves his hand over her hand that is holding her fork.

"That's not it. Something else is wrong." she doesn't look at him. "What are you hiding from me?" he asks softly, and as un-accusatory that statement could be. She looks at him with wide guilty eyes.

"Nothing Derek." she says standing and moving her plate to the little island in the kitchen.

"Em, you didn't eat anything." he says standing with her. "You picked at your food." he says moving toward her.

"I ate a bit. I just want to go to bed, and I just want you to hold me." she says looking at him. She's uncomfortable. "I'm not hungry." she says. He puts her plate back on the table, and sits her back down.

"Eat Emily. Please. You've been drinking all day. Eat. You need to." he says. She turns to him.

"I have not been drinking all day!" she says. He gives her a look, and she turns her head away.

"I just got you to a good weight. You can't go back to the way you were." he says. She looks at him, stares at him with big eyes.

"Okay." she submits. She takes a bite of potatoes and slowly they finish dinner together. He pulls her to the couch, and they lay down.

"I know you're upset. Do you want to talk about it? Maybe why you want a baby so bad?" he says. She shakes her head no. "Em, I really need to know what you're hiding. Our relationship won't work if we keep secrets." he says. She sighs getting annoyed.

"I'm not hiding anything Derek. Why are you pushing me?" she snaps at him. He looks at her, and sighs. He closes his eyes, and runs a hand over his head as she gets up. Circles. They seemed to be going in circles. One week is fine, actually two weeks are fine. Then tonight she pulling away from him. Every step forward they went two steps back.

"I'm not trying to push you but you are obviously hiding something." he says. "If it isn't the treatments, then what is it?" he asks her getting annoyed with her a bit. She turns to him.

"Nothing Derek!" she yells at him.

"I was trying to avoid fighting." he says calmly. She sighs, and bites her lip trying to calm down.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" she asks desperate to get out of this interrogation. Why did she just have to blow everything by showing emotion? One small flash of emotion, and everything blows up in her face! "Leave Derek." she says sadly.

"No." he says. "I'm sick of all of this. We fight more than any couple I've ever seen." he says. "Emily, we have to be honest with each other. We can't bring a child into a dishonest relationship. I want a kid too but there is something you aren't telling me, and I want to know." he says. She looks up at him, and sighs.

"I can't." she whimpers. He walks toward her, and takes her hands.

"What ever it is, we'll be okay Em." he says staring into her eyes. She looks into his, and backs away. She straightens her back, and tries to push away the tears.

"I...I...I was pregnant." she says trying to keep her emotions in check. She had too. She wasn't weak. Not anymore. His face shows pure confusion. What did she mean? When? How? What the hell happened? He had so many questions running through his head.

"When?" he asks quietly.

"Before..." she says, but stops. "Before I...when I went...when I went after Doyle." he looks at her, and his expression turns grey. She bites her lip. She was scared now.

"You...you were pregnant, with...was it mine?" he asks walking toward her a bit. She bites her lip, and backs away from him.

"Y-ye-es." she says in a broken up trembling voice. She can't show emotion. She has to stay strong.

"You went after...you went after him even though you were..." he looks at her, and she sees the same grief that she still feels, written on his face. Plus some anger.

"I didn't know when I went..." she says, but he interrupts you.

"How could you not know?" he asks angrily.

"I don't...I was late but...considering everything going on...it was just stress. I thought it was stress. I thought it was..." she looks back down and bites her lip hard to stop the water works.

"How do you not know!?" he yells at her. She turns to him, and he sees how broken she looks.

"This is why I couldn't tell you. I thought I had missed my period because of stress. I didn't think anything off it. It's happened before. I had other stuff to worry about. I didn't know, I swear." she says looking him in the eye. He looks at her with tears in his eyes.

"Where you ever going to tell me?" he asks. Her lip trembled but she coughed, and tried to stop it.

"I tried, but I chickened out so many times. I was going to tonight. I had everything...everything planned out, but I...I was scared of how you would react." she says. He looks at her, and takes a deep breath. He walks over, and grabs his coat from the chair. His dinner still sitting there on the table. She looks at him, her heart braking for the eighteenth thousandth time. "Don't...don't leave Derek." she says. "I'm sorry. I didn't...I didn't know. If I had I wouldn't have..." she looks down and all he wants to do is hold her but he knows that he can't right now. He just can't.

"I know you didn't know, but I need...I need...time." he says. He walks out of the door and shuts it behind him. He leans against her door and closes his eyes. He sees the awful, and sad look on her face and it makes his heart hurt for her. He starts to walk out down the steps of the apartment. Emily walks to the door, and opens it looking outside. She watches him move down the stairs quickly she bites her lip as it trembles. She walks back into the apartment, and grabs the wine. She opens the cabinet and grabs another glass. She sits in the chair once occupied by her boyfriend and stares at the remains of the meal she made for him. She knew that nothing good would've come from the truth. What a great day right? She thought bitterly.

* * *

Derek pulled his jacket tight around him, and kept walking down the road. It was dark, and he was trying to process what Emily told him. She lost a baby. She went after Doyle, and he stabbed her. He hurt her. Now he knows it wasn't just her. He didn't just take Emily away from him...their child was gone too. Their baby girl. Why didn't she tell him? He was worried about her right now, but he couldn't go back. He watched the lights on the nearby sign flicker. A club. One of those clubs he used to visit. He could walk in there, bring some faceless nameless girl home, and be done with her in the morning. He couldn't do that anymore though. He had a woman for that already. He starts towards the doors though. He isn't sure why he does it. When he walks in he smirks at his old scene. People dancing, and partying, and drinking. He keeps his hands in his pockets and walks toward the bar. He sits down at the bar, and orders his first beer. The bar tender He sees a busty blonde looking at him. She walks towards him, and sticks her chest out even more. "Can you buy me a drink?" she asks. He laughs a bit.

"Um, no. I have a girlfriend." he says. "I'm here for the liquor." he says. She walks closer to him, and puts a hand on his chest.

"Well why aren't you with her right now? Why are you drinking alone at the bar?" she asks him with a smile. "It's obvious that you are here for something else." she says. He smirks at her.

"I'm not. I love her. I'm not with her right now because something happened." he says. "I'm not going to cheat on her." he says. She leans towards his ear and places her hands on his shoulders.

"It's not like you're married. Come on baby. Just one night." she says moving her hands down. He stops her though. He drinks his drink quickly, and then gets out of his seat.

"No. I love her, and I won't hurt her like that." the woman rolled her eyes. He went back out and shook his head. He started to walk again. Soon enough he found himself back at her place. This time though he took his keys out and hopped in his car. He looked up and saw her window. The light was still on. She was probably still drinking. He sighs. He starts his drive and it doesn't take long to get where he wanted to get.

* * *

After Derek had gone Emily had sat at the table for a good long while. Just drinking. She went to her window, and felt the tears start to come. She just wanted her life back. How had Ian managed to ruin everything from the grave? Everything. He still ruled her. Controlled her. He was winning, and she couldn't bare it. She wipes her tears away, and picks up her phone. She calls a cab company, because of the drinks she's had, and runs out of her apartment. She waits for the cab on a bit unsteady on her feet, and looks down the street. The yellow cab pulls up and she gives him the address. She knows where she's going. She knows.

**Oooo! Where are they both going?! Sorry for the late update! REVIEW!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you for all the reviews! XD Spring Break is here so updates will be plentiful!...hopefully.(: ENJOY!**

The house was beautiful in the dark. Tall, old, but it had a feeling too it that was unlike no other. He looked out at the city. The view was amazing. Perfect really. He looked around and saw no sign of anyone. He smirked a bit, and walked towards it. He got to the old door, and opened it slowly. He looked around and saw the air mattress deflated on the floor. Empty beer cans, and empty take out boxes sitting on the floor. He could see them there together. Like they were that first night. He could hear her laugh, and feel her around him. He just wanted that again. He thought of his baby. His child. He couldn't help but wonder if it would've liked the house. The child would only be a couple months right now. Late night diaper changes, and waking Emily up to feed it. Rocking it in a rocking chair by the window, and singing it songs. He goes to the mini-fridge and takes out a beer. He pops it open and sits on the floor. He knows Emily didn't know about the baby, but that didn't make it hurt any less. He knew she shouldn't be blamed but a part of him was still angry with her. It hurts to be lied too. To know that you had a chance at having a baby, but a man that you hate took it away from you. Somehow Ian Doyle managed to not only ruin Emily's life, he ruined Derek's too. Not to mention the little baby that will never see the light of day.

The look on her face hurt him to the core though. He knew she blamed this on herself. She shouldn't. She doesn't need that. The guilt she must feel. He couldn't even imagine it. He just left her there. He left her alone, drinking. After she cooked them dinner. After she had had a bad day. How was any of it worth it? The weeks before hand had been perfect to say the least. Yes, she was sneaking behind his back but now he understood why. Now he knew how badly she wanted to give him a baby, to have a baby. She had two chances in her lifetime that he knows of to have a baby, and both times it was taken from her. Both times she, in a way, took that from herself. He hates to see her like this. He shouldn't have walked out on her but he couldn't do that with her right now. He needed time to think, space to process this all. He closed his eyes, and pushed his head back onto the wall behind him.

* * *

Emily stared at the night sky. Out the old window she could see the moon and the stars perfectly. From the angle she was it all seemed perfect. Too perfect. After JJ had notified her that she had a miscarriage, she was devastated. She closed her eyes and tried to think of what that baby would look like. She saw a little girl. A perfect little angel that would make her whole life complete. She wiped a silent tear away and stared at the room around her.

_"I wasn't pregnant." Emily says staring at JJ in disbelief. "I wasn't that's...that's...we...no." she says. "I wasn't pregnant! I wouldn't have gone after Doyle if I was..." she started to say. JJ gave her a sad look. _

_"Em, the doctor told me that you were about 8 weeks along. Who did you sleep with 8 weeks ago?" she asks. Emily turns her head. Derek. That's who. When all of this Lauren stuff had started she had visited more often. He seemed to make sure that she forgot. That she was feeling better about whatever was weighing on her. She put a hand to her stomach. _

_"I wasn't." she says trying to push away the emotion. "I wasn't." she says looking at JJ. JJ looked at her with a sad expression. _

_"Yes you were Emily." she says softly. Emily shakes her head._

_"I couldn't be..." she says even softer. "We were safe...how..." Emily says. "It's gone now." Emily said her voice cracking. "Please leave me." Emily says. JJ nods and walks out of the room. Once alone Emily let her emotions take over. She let out the first sob of many since Ian Doyle. She put her hands on her empty uterus as sobs wracked her body. "I need you Derek." she says. She just wanted to go home. Go home and have Derek hold her for the rest of her life. She knew she was in love with him. She needed him. Wanted him. She continued to cry like a child curled up in a ball. She tried to push away the pain. It took everything in her, everything, to push away that pain. When JJ walked back in and talked about relocating her, Emily just nodded. She didn't even speak a word the whole drive to the jet. She just wanted to say goodbye to them. She had too. Hotch and JJ had it all planned though. Emily knew how to be professional. She couldn't stop touching her stomach though. She couldn't stop thinking about it. She never could stop thinking about it._

Emily heard a loud crash coming from downstairs and she jumped. She stood, and took one glance in the room. Her hands went to her hip immediately out of instinct, and she crept down the stairs. That's when she saw him. He was smashing a sledge hammer into a wall. A wall they'd agreed would go down. She watched him swing with all the force he could. She saw the two extra empty beer bottles. She had sobered. She stood and watched him for a minute. It wasn't until he felt eyes on him that he turned to her. "Em...what are you...how did you get here?" he asks. She shrugs.

"I called a cab. You?" she says. He looks at her with a confused expression.

"I drove. How long have you been here?" he asks. She shrugs again.

"About an hour." she says.

"Really? You're quiet. I've been here for about that time too." he says. She smirks.

"How'd we miss that?" she asks. He chuckles a bit. Then she took a breath, and they felt the mood change. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asks. He turns his head and gulps.

"I don't know. What's there really to talk about?" he asks her. She shrugs.

"Why I lied to you all these months." she says simply. He nods.

"That's a good thing to start with." he answers. She sits on the stairs, and puts her hands on her face.

"Because I thought if you never knew you wouldn't have to suffer with me. I felt so horrible about everything that had happened, and I thought if you never had to know you would never have to go through the pain I went through. There was that other part of me...the part that says that it's my fault. That I'm the reason we aren't parents. I am. Let's face I did kill our baby. Maybe not intentionally, but our baby is dead because of my lack of responsibility." she says trying to swallow the lump in her throat. He nods.

"It wasn't your fault Em." he says. "Initially, I thought that you had gone after him knowing that you were...were..." he stops himself, and skips that. "I know you wouldn't do that though. You wouldn't. I saw the look on your face and I believed you. I know you wouldn't do that." he says. She nods.

"I would never Derek." she says looking him in the eye. "I've done...so many horrible things, not just as Lauren, but things myself that I'm not proud of. Really bad things. I just...this, me and you, is my chance to make things right. Derek, I need a chance to do something good. Make something work. Do something that isn't...I need this fresh start. I need it." she says. He smiles at her, and walks toward her. She looks up at him, and he reaches for her hands. He takes them in his, and leans down to kiss her. She responds to him, and puts her hands on his face. "I love you." she says.

"I love you too Emily." he says. They kiss again, and he picks her up. He sits on the stairs, and holds onto her tightly. They stop kissing and he buries his face into her neck. She does the same. They stay like this for a long while. Just holding each other. She was so scared telling him would be the end to everything. Soon they blow up the air mattress and lay down together. Again, just holding onto each other.

"I still want a baby." she whispers. He nods.

"I do too baby." he says. She smiles a bit.

"You want a baby now?" she asks. He nods, and moves her hair out of her eyes.

"If we can get through this we can get through anything." he says. "Even a baby." he says. He kisses her and she smiles at him.

"I don't know if I should...I really...I don't deserve another baby, Derek." she says softly looking him in the eyes. "...I'm not sure if I could give you what you want...I don't even think I-" she goes, but stops. "I was given the chance to have two beautiful children. The first one...I killed. The second one...well I killed that one too." she says softly. "I don't know if I should...I don't know if I deserve a third chance at this. Maybe it's just...maybe I'm not supposed to be a mother." she says putting her finger nail between her teeth.

"I think you'd make a wonderful mother. You had no choice to do what you did, you were only fifteen and the man who..." Derek stops himself so he doesn't get mad. "Emily, don't. You didn't kill our baby. Ian Doyle killed our baby. He stabbed you in the stomach and killed our chances of ever recovering from that." Derek says.

"You don't know what happened when I was fifteen Derek." she says softly. Derek looks at her in confusion.

"Then tell me baby." he says. She looks at him, and scoots closer.

"Well...his name was Nick, and he...he was really sweet to me. He was my friend Johnny's older brother. It was the summer so Nick wasn't in college. Nick was about 26. I...he was so nice, and he was the greatest brother ever to Johnny. I just, I ended up talking to him. He told me how pretty I was, and how much he liked me...I'd never...had a boy tell me they liked me. One day I was at Johnny's house. I was waiting for Johnny to get home. He was at practice. Matthew was out of town, and that left me and...me and Nick at John's house for a long while." Emily stops, and takes a deep breath. "I was just sitting there, and Nick reached for me...he played with my hair for a minute then he...he started to move his hand toward my neck. He leaned forward and he kissed me. It was my first kiss. He soon kissed me...harder, and then he took off my clothes. I didn't really...I mean mom had never talked to me about it, or what it would be like. I wasn't oblivious, I knew what sex was. He was just...a bit more...rough, and I...I didn't quite understand...it was...confusing. Johnny walked in after practice, and saw me...I was...Nick was kissing me, and I was just...I don't know. Johnny got really mad at me. He liked me. I knew he liked me. I just...it was all a mess. After I was pregnant, Johnny and Nick shunned me. It was bad. Matty got me a doctor though. I guess everything turned out fine." she whispers the last part, and Derek wipes away a small tear. "Mom didn't even know I was gone that night." she says. Her mother and her had a good relationship now, but it wasn't like that back then.

"Jesus Emily..." he says. He wanted to cry for her. "That's rape." he says softly. She shrugs.

"It was consensual." she says. "I never said no..." she says. He shakes his head no.

"It doesn't matter princess. He was 11 years older than you, and he...you didn't know what was happening. You..." Derek stops reminded of Buford. He used to have to tell himself the same thing. _You didn't know what was happening. _"You were just a kid." he finishes the sentence in his mind, but says the last part out loud. "What happened after that?" he asks her. He was curious as to who she was before all the FBI, and responsibility.

"It was bad. I started to do drugs. Hardcore stuff. It started with snorting medications to cocaine. It wasn't...I...I had a problem. Mom didn't realize till she started to notice the signs. I was a train wreck though. I started to dress in black. Wear half shirts, and short leather skirts. When I was 19 it was the biggest problem. I would wear nice dresses to the parties my mom would have downstairs. I would flirt with cute boys working for the catering companies. Have sex with them in my room upstairs, or in the pantry closet. I was an absolute train wreck. I was great at partying, but eventually mom took notice and she got me help. Secretly of course, no one could know, and it wouldn't ever go on any of my records. I wouldn't have gotten into Yale with out that being hidden. I got back on a straight arrow and everything was fine I guess." she says. "Until after college. I can't tell you what exactly I did for Interpol...I can't tell you about my time with the CIA...I can't tell you anything from those years. I'm sorry about that. I took an oath though." she says. Derek nods. "I did bad things though Derek. Really bad things. Things I am forever ashamed of." she says quietly wiping a small tear away again. Derek grips her tighter, and pulls her on top of him.

"It's all over now though Em. We can be who we are. Stop worrying about the past. I'm here. I'm your future. We're your future." he says softly. Kissing her cheek. "Don't ever forget how much I love you. For better or worse." he says. She looks at him with a sad smile.

"Why?" she asks in all truth. She was actually curious. After the things she told him, the things she's done, why would he still love her?

"Why Emily Prentiss? Why?" he takes a minute. "Because you are the most beautiful, smart, sexy, delicious, kind hearted, loyal, brave, fearless, outrageously wonderful, kick ass, crazy woman I have ever met. You put all those things together, and it's you. A perfect woman that I would never give up in a heartbeat. Stop putting yourself down. One day you will be a mother, an amazing mother, and we will be a family. It's now my job to make you know that everyday for the rest of our lives. Even after you've learned.." he says kissing her. She smiles at him, and he wipes a tear away. "Don't cry princess." he says.

"Je'taime." she whispers to him touching his face that lingers above her.

"What does that mean?" he asks. She blushes.

"I love you." she says quietly. His jaw drops for a moment and he thinks back to the last time they were together before Doyle. How she whispered that same phrase to him when she came with him. _Je' taime. _She would whisper over and over. She liked to talk in different languages during sex. He never thought anything of it.

"But you used to say th-" he starts stuttering a bit. She puts her hand to his lips and nods.

"You thought you were the first to say 'I love you' weren't you?" she asks him with a smile. He nods. "Derek Morgan I have been telling you I loved you for 3 years. I'd say it every time we made love. You just didn't quite understand." she says laughing a bit. He smiled. "The words you're looking for is 'Je' taime aussi." she says. He leans down, and captures her lip in between his.

"Je' taime aussi." he says. She groans, and laughs.

"We need to work on French pronunciation." she says. His jaw drops in feign hurt, and she swats at him. "I can't help it if your French sucks!" she says with a smile. He reaches his hand down, and tickles her side. She starts to laugh, and giggle.

"Oh yeah! Oh yeah!" he says. She gets out of his grasp and runs through out the house. He tries to catch her. Emily runs outside, and Derek catches her. He wraps his arms around her from behind, and they look out at the city. This is when they realize it isn't as dark as it was before. In fact, little rays of sunlight are coming up in the distance...it was truly a perfect moment.

**Spring Break is here! I'm sitting on my butt and writing all day! WHooo! Hope you enjoyed! REVIEWNESS!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks for the reviews!**

"When is your doctors appointment?" Derek asks her sweetly through the groggy haze of the morning. She moves closer into his embrace.

"Eleven o'clock." she says nuzzling his chest with her nose. He nods.

"I can ask Hotch for an early lunch brake." he says. She shakes her head.

"Derek, I've already said that you don't have to come with me." she says. "If you have to work I understand. I know how the BAU works. It doesn't really stop for anybody." she says. He holds onto her.

"I want to be there. I'm going to be there. I've missed too many appointments with you already." he says. She nods.

"Okay baby." she whispers. She gets out of bed, and he follows quickly. They do their morning routines in the bathroom, and soon they're both ready to go. He saw her chewing her nails, and furrowed his brow. He walked toward her, and pulled her fingers out of her mouth.

"What's wrong princess?" he asks. She shakes her head no.

"Nothing, I'm fine." she says moving quickly. "I'm going to just run errands till eleven. Try to keep my mind off things." she says. He nods. They each kiss before going to their cars. When Derek gets to work he goes straight to Hotch's office, and smiles at him a bit.

"Hey, man...Em has a doctors appointment today, and I'm gonna go with her if it's cool with you. It's really important to the both of us." Derek says to Hotch. Hotch gives him a weird look.

"Why is Emily visiting the doctors?" Hotch asks concerned about Emily.

"Um...just..we want to try for a baby." Derek says. Hotch smiles.

"Oh. Really? It seems soon..." Hotch says. Derek smiles. "I'm happy for you guys though." he smiles a bit.

"I thought so too, but...I know how much I love her, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with her. I think'll be good for us." he says. Hotch nods.

"Why is she going to the doctor?" Hotch asks. Derek sighs.

"There may be some...complications, because of events that have happened in the past." Derek says. Hotch nods again.

"Well I hope everything turns out all right." he smiles, and pats Derek on the back. Derek nods too.

* * *

At about 10 Emily walks into the BAU with a smile on her face. A simple one, not overly excited one, but a simple one. She is greeted by almost everybody that she sees, especially one Penelope Garcia who attacks her when she walks through the door. "My raven haired beauty!" she yells and wraps Emily in a bear hug. Emily laughs.

"You saw me like...a few days ago when I brought Derek lunch." Emily laughs. Penelope gives her a look.

"Too long. I hate not having you here. JJ does too." Penelope says. "Too much testosterone." Emily laughs a bit.

"Well, if they give you issues just call me and I can kick their asses." Emily says. Penelope smiles.

"I don't doubt it. What are ya here for?...did Derek make an emergency booty call because he just can't stand being away from the hottness that is you?" Pen asks. Emily smiles.

"If only that was the case. Actually, I have an appointment that he wants to come too at eleven. I thought I'd just come here and see you all. I know you just got done with a case not too long ago. I thought a pretty face would lighten your day." Emily says. She feels a petite feminine figure wrap their arms around her from behind.

"It did lighten my day!" says JJ from behind her. "Did you say an appointment? What kind of appointment?" JJ asks. Emily shrugs.

"It's a doctors appointment." Emily says. "Nothing too serious, at least I hope not, I'm fine I swear." Emily says a bit too quickly.

"What is the doctors appointment for then if you are...fine?" JJ asks. Emily rolled her eyes, and pulled them into Pen's office. They all sat down and Emily took a deep breath.

"Derek and I are...we're trying for a baby." Emily says. Penelope's jaw drops but forms a giant smile. JJ just bites her lip sadly. Pen notices and looks at JJ confused.

"What am I missing?" Penelope asks. "Why aren't you happy? I am very happy." JJ gives Emily a look.

"Em...are you sure?" JJ asks. Emily gives her a look in return.

"Yes. More than I have ever been. I want a baby, and I'm going to see the doctor today about the possibilities of that happening." Emily says. "I'll try anything." Emily almost whispered.

"It's dangerous Emily. Do you not remember what the doctor told you?" JJ asked. Emily nods.

"I remember Jayjie, but...I can't just...I want a baby." Emily says.

"What did the doctor tell you Emily?" Penelope asks.

"He said that...if I got pregnant, I probably couldn't carry my baby to full term and that for my health and the baby's health I would have to be three times as careful as the average woman. I'm fine with it." Emily says. Penelope looks at her.

"What do you mean your health?" she asks. Emily shrugs.

"Carrying a child may open some...wounds that were...repaired during surgery. I just...I'm willing to take those risks." Emily says. Penelope gives her a look before asking what JJ had been thinking.

"One question...is Derek willing to take those risks?" Pen asks. JJ gives her a look for a while, and Emily's silence is giving her the confirmation she needs.

"Don't look at me that way Jayjie. You know that if I told Derek about that then he would never let me do it." Emily says. "He will know. My doctor will let us know. He reminds me every time I go." she says. Pen puts her hand on her friends hand.

"You guys will be alright. There are always other ways to have a baby too Emily." JJ says softly. Emily nods.

"I know. I'm fine. I actually gotta go." Emily says standing. "Wish me luck." she says. The girls do a group hug, and then they separate. JJ kisses Emily on the cheek, and reminds Emily to call her. Penelope nods in agreement wanting a call too. Emily leaves the office only to be met with the chest of Derek Morgan. He smiles and wraps his arms around her. She gives him a small, nervous smile. She looks down, and snuggles into his chest.

"How long have you been here?" Derek asks. Emily shrugs.

"Since about ten." Emily says. He nods.

"You ready to go?" he asks. She nods her head despite the fact she was on edge about going. When they got into her car he wanted to drive. She sat in the passenger seat chewing at her nails. Derek looked over at her and saw that look on her face. "Is everything okay baby?" he asks. He lets out a small chuckle at his question. "Scratch that...what is wrong? Don't say you're fine." he says. She turns her head to look at him.

"I am fine. Nothing's wrong Derek." she says to him.

"Em...don't do this with me." he says. Emily rolls her eyes.

"I'm not doing anything. Look we're here, let's go." she says. She opens the door when the car comes to a complete stop. She walks out and Derek sighs. He grabs her arm and turns her around. She bites her lip.

"Emily Valerie Prentiss." he scolds. "What's wrong? Don't cut me out." he says. She sighs.

"I'm...I'm scared." she says tiredly. "I'm scared that we'll go through all of this and it still won't...won't happen." she says. "When it doesn't happen...what do I do then?" she asks. Derek envelopes her in a hug, and holds her tight.

"Then we go through different channels if we have too. We can do this together baby." he says. She nods. He takes her hand and they walk inside.

* * *

"Okay, Ms. Prentiss," the doctor says. A tall red haired woman about the same age as Emily. "Your test results came back, and you are not pregnant. We can try more treatments and keep things going the way they were, or we can look at other options." he says.

"We would like to try the treatments still..." she says. He nods looking at his sheet.

"Is there anything we can do...to add to the treatments?" Derek asks. The doctor nods.

"Well...you can keep a calender so you know when Emily is ovulating that way conception is more likely." the doctor says. Derek and Emily nods. She then turns to Emily. "You know the risks if you get pregnant Emily. You need to be careful. Are you sure you want to do this?" the doctor asks. Derek looks in confusion.

"What kinds of risks?" he asks. Emily sighs.

"Derek..." she starts. The doctor looks at them in confusion.

"She has more of a chance for complications than other women would normally. We'd have to take more caution with her." the doctor says.

"What kind of complications?" he asks. The doctor looks at Emily. Emily looks at her hands but nods.

"Well...the thing we're most worried about is...the tissue in Emily's organs...when the uterus is stretched it may stretch it too much...causing Emily's organs to tear where they've worn down." the doctor says. "This could cause...major complications. Possibly...death." she says. Derek looks at Emily, and then looks back at the doctor.

"Can we have a minute alone doctor?" he asks. The doctor nods. When she walks out of the room, Emily looks at Derek.

"Please Derek." she begs him. Very, un-Emily like. Derek takes a deep breath.

"I can't Emily. I can't let you go through this. You're gonna hurt yourself." he says. "I'm sorry Emily." he says. Being as stubborn as she is she resorted to anger.

"Derek...I'll be fine. I'll do everything possible to..." Emily starts, but Derek stops her.

"Emily...what if you get pregnant, something happens and I lose not just one of you but both of you. I wouldn't be able to live." he says. She looks at him.

"But what about...what am I supposed to do? Watch some other woman go through all the things I'm going to miss. Watch her have our baby. I can't do that. I want a baby...I want to have it...and I want it to be mine. I just need one. If we want to adopt one after that it's fine. I just...I just want one baby. One that I get to watch grow. Feel it grow inside me. Why can't you let me have that?" she asks. Derek sighs.

"Because I'm terrified of losing you." he says. She stays silent.

"I know you are, but...I...Derek...I need this." she says. He shakes his head.

"You don't need to die for this. There are other options." he says. She stays silent, and bites her lip.

"Fine." she says her voice breaking. She doesn't want to look at him. He can't help but think what could have happened to her if she had gotten pregnant before he knew about this. He grabs her hand. The doctor walks in and looks at Emily.

"Are we still looking at the treatments?" she asks. Emily just keep her head down.

"No we aren't." Derek says standing. "We can look at other ways." he says. She nods, and looks at Emily.

"Emily?" she asks for more confirmation. Emily just nods.

"I wanna go home." Emily says. "I'll see you next time doc." she says. Emily stands and grabs her bag. The doctor writes Emily her prescription for the medicine Emily was supposed to be taking. The meds Emily were taking before she started the treatments. Emily takes the prescription, and leaves the office. Derek follows behind her, and Emily pushes away the pain. When they get in the car Derek takes her hand, and she looks over at him.

"Em...I know it isn't what you want but I can't risk your life like this. I love you too much." he says. Emily puts a smile on her face and nods a bit.

"I know. I'm sorry for being so stubborn in there," she says. Derek nods.

"It's okay baby." he says. "We need to move forward though." he says. "We can look into...insemination if you want. Adoption." he says. Emily just nods, and smiles.

* * *

A month went by, and Emily was ready for her next doctors appointment. They never actually talked about the other options they had. She created a calender on her phone too. Behind a secret lock. This week was the week that she could try. She had too. Her and Derek hadn't been as intimate as before. He was scared. He also insisted in using a condom. Tonight they had a date though. Tonight she was going to try. Dr. Graves has told her that this wasn't a good idea and Emily knew it wasn't. She couldn't help it though. She wanted a baby. Why couldn't she have one?

"Emily?" Derek yells walking into his house. Clooney didn't greet him at the front door, and he smelled food. Emily was here. He caught her in the kitchen singing, and dancing while cooking. She had learned how to make spaghetti from Rossi. She found cooking more therapeutic now that she knew how to do it better. Clooney was hoping up and dancing with her. He smiled at the sight. She seemed to be okay these last few weeks, but he always had an eye on her just in case. She turns around, and smiles at her boyfriend. She smiled as bright as she had been for the past month. Clouding the pain. He walks up to her and wraps his arms around her. "Hello baby. What's all this?" he asks. She kisses him.

"Dinner." she smiles kissing him again. She wraps her arms around her neck, and smiles up at him.

"Mmm...smells good..." he says kissing her again when she reaches up. Conversation flows easily, and he helps her with dinner. When they sit down for dinner, Derek doesn't have to remind Emily to eat. After dinner they wash the dishes together and he teases her. They then move to the couch for a movie. Halfway through the movie Emily lays a soft kiss on Derek's neck. That soft kiss led to a bigger kisses. Bigger kisses lead to several nibbles. Derek smirks, and moves his head to look at his girlfriend. He leans forward and kisses her. She deepens the kiss immediately. Tongues battle, and Emily shifts on top of him so she's straddling him. Her hands go from his neck down to his pants. She slips a hand inside, and grabs a hold of him. He groans, and she moves her hand trying to get him hard. She succeeds and with minutes Derek is flipping them over and on top of her. He grinds against her, and they both groan. She knows she just needs him. She lets him know too.

"Derek...please.." she says. He pulls off her shirt, and unbuttons her pants. She does the same with him. She flips them over again, and Emily moves above him. She lines herself up with him, and tries to lower herself. Derek stops her though.

"Em...condom?" he asks. She rolls her eyes.

"They're upstairs...it's fine, Derek." she says. He smirks at her but moves to get up. She lets out a loud huff. She moves off of him, and stands. She reaches for her clothes, and starts to put them on.

"What are you doing Emily?" he asks wondering what she's doing. She doesn't look at him.

"This is so stupid. Ever since you found out about the risk you won't even...it's stupid." she says angrily. When she finishes getting dressed she grabs her things, and walks toward the door. Derek hurriedly gets dressed himself and follows after her.

"What the hell Emily? One moment we're fine, and the next you are overreacting." he says. She turns around and feels anger rise in her.

"Why is this overreacting?! How?!" she asks. "Is it too much to ask to have a normal relationship. It was like...before you knew you could touch me with out protection any day. Now you can't even touch me some times. It's...it's fucking stupid. I have a thirty percent chance at ever getting pregnant with out the treatments that you won't let me have. You just won't...it hurts Derek. Every time you insist it reminds me of why you "have" to stop me. It also makes me feel like it's just how it used to be. When we just used each other. Sex isn't as passionate as it was. Not since you knew...I need some time alone." she says getting into her car and driving off. Derek stares at the lights going down the road. She was right. Their sex life wasn't as great as it was a month ago. He didn't know it was that big of a deal though. He walks back inside, still bare chested from earlier events. He pours himself a drink and runs a hand over his face. Why did he always have to fuck everything up?

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	16. Chapter 16

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"So what the hell happened last night?" Penelope asks. Emily sighs and orders herself some wine. "Derek walked into work this morning looking like a lost puppy-dog." Pen says still eyeing her friend.

"I...it's a long story." Emily says softly. JJ gives her a look.

"We've got time." JJ says. "Short version." Emily bites her lip.

"Well ever since Derek found out about the complications, and said we could look into other things he's been...we haven't been...we've..." Emily stops. "We've only been having protected sex. Last night we were right there on his couch getting ready too..." she pauses for a minute, and takes a deep breath. "He stops me, asks me where the condoms are, I say upstairs he get's off the couch to either go get them or we go upstairs. Either way it pissed me off." Emily says. The waiter brought them their drinks and Emily downed her's.

"Okay. What's so wrong with that?" Penelope asks. Emily bites her lip again.

"It's not that we are using protection, it's why we have too." Emily says. "Every time he...every single time he makes sure to use one I am reminded of the fact he has to do that so...so he doesn't accidentally get me pregnant." Emily says taking a drink of her wine, and burring her face in her hands. "It just hurts you know? It's not the same between us. It's like...he's so paranoid, and I am...I'm just sick of this. It's like Doyle controls my sleeping habits, some times my eating habits, my dreams, my uterus, and now he is effecting my sex-life. I can't escape it. I'm just so done with all of it." she says. JJ frowns at her friend.

"Em, I understand that...but I also understand Derek's side. He's probably terrified. What if you do get pregnant? Then what is he going to do? He's so scared to lose you again. We all are." JJ says. "Have you looked into other options?" Emily nods.

"I really...I know it sounds selfish but I want a baby. I want one that can grow..grow inside me. JJ I watched you through out your pregnancy and...now I want the silly cravings and the mood swings and even the morning sickness. I have come to except the fact that I may have to watch another woman have my baby, but...I know that when I watch her get sick, or I'm eating lunch with her and she's putting ketchup on ice cream I'm going to be thinking that's supposed to be my morning sickness. That's my cravings. If I was the pregnant one would I want the same things. I just...I want that so bad." she says with tears in her eyes. She wipes them away before they fall. "I'll be fine though. We'll find...a surrogate and everything will be fine." Emily says. JJ takes her hand and so does Penelope.

"If you ever need to talk...we're here for you. No matter what. We can't have you disappear like you did a while back." JJ says. "We missed you when you were always sad." Emily nods.

"I'm better now. Derek makes things better..." Emily smiles a bit.

"That's good. Speaking of him, what are you going to do?" she asks. Emily shrugs, and sighs.

"I really have no idea. I love him so much, but we can't keep going on the way we are right now. I mean...we were having sex almost everyday...now he barely touches me. I just don't want that." Emily says taking a bite of the sandwich she ordered.

"You guys were having sex everyday?" Pen asks in shock. Then she smiles a bit. "Well...I mean...if he was my boyfriend...I would be..." Pen starts. Emily laughs and holds up her hand.

"Don't talk about your imaginary sex life with my boyfriend." Emily says with a laugh. JJ and Pen laugh too.

"Okay, fine. I guess...so..how has the sex changed?" Penelope asks. JJ looks at Emily with a smirk.

"Yeah...how was the sex in general?" JJ asks. Emily looks at JJ in shock. "What? A girl has to wonder! All those muscles, and that really nice ass..." JJ says with a chuckle. They all laugh.

"It's...it's the best sex I have ever had. That's saying something." Emily says. "He's..." she smiles and bites her lip. The girls let out giggles. Emily smiles a sad smile a bit thinking about how distant he's been in that area lately. "We have to go. You guys have to get back to work." she says. JJ and Penelope nods. "I'm gonna follow you guys. I think I'm going to pay a small visit to Derek." Emily says as they stand up. The girls nod. They all go to their cars and hop in. The drive is short. They ride up in the elevator together. When they get up to the room they hug and separate. Emily walks to Derek's office, and knocks lightly. She then takes the handle of the door and opens it. She smirks at the sight of him working so hard. "Hey.." she says softly. He looks up and he looks surprised.

"Look Em...I'm really sorry abo-" she puts a hand up to stop him.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have overreacted...it just hurts, you know?" she says sitting in the chair across from him. He nods.

"I didn't know it was hurting you that much though." he says. She shrugs. "I'm just so scared about getting you pregnant now." he says. She bites her lip.

"I know...it hurts to be reminded every time though. Especially when I'm supposed to only feel love. I feel like a burden..." she says. "Like...if that reason wasn't there we wouldn't have to worry so much. You wouldn't have to worry so much. If I could just..." she says looking at her hands. "If I could just give you a baby, you wouldn't have to worry so much." she says. "I'm not gonna lie, if we had unprotected sex there is a chance that I was to get pregnant. I've had a night to think about it, and...we can try those other options." she says softly. "I can get over it." she says. Derek frowns at her words.

"Baby...I'm not asking you to get over it." he says moving around his desk to sit next to her. "I know you'll never...'get over it' because I won't either." he says. She looks down again. "I'm just scared of losing you."

"I know Derek." she says. "I told you. I will accept it." she says. He nods, and reaches for her. He pulls her to him, and she sits on his lap. They cuddle together closely, and he holds onto her tightly. "I love you so much." she says. He kisses her and runs his hand down her face.

"I love you too baby. So much." he says. She nods and stands up.

"I'm going to go talk to Clyde today, and then I'm going to the academy. I'm thinking about teaching." she says softly. He looks at her in surprise.

"Professor Prentiss?" he asks. She laughs.

"If they'll let me." she says. He nods knowing what she means. She grabs her things and kisses him once more.

"I love you baby. Hopefully, I'll see you tonight." he says.

"I'll just go to your place. I may bring Serg with me. They're doing construction in the building across from my place. It's been hell." she says. He nods and smirks a bit. "Love you too." she says walking out and saying hi to Reid and Rossi and Hotch before she leaves. She walks out and heads to Clyde's office.

* * *

"Good to see you darling. What brings you here?" he asks. She smiles and sits down. She takes the drink he offers her, and sips it.

"Well, I came to talk to you about the job you once offered me." she says with a smile too. Clyde looks at her in surprise. "That offer still open?" she asks.

"Well you are always my first choice. I would have to go over it with some people though." he says. "I'm sure they would be fine with it." he smiles. "There is no one I would rather be running my offices than you." he says. She nods.

"How much travel is with the job?" she asks thinking about how hard that may be with a baby.

"Not much." he says. "There may be some, and you may not know when." he says. She nods.

"What about hours?" she asks. He gives her a look.

"Well, you're the boss. It all depends on you. Why are you asking these questions, love?" he asks. She smirks a bit.

"Derek and I were thinking about having a baby." she says with a bit of a smile. Clyde looks at her in surprise.

"Oh really? You guys have only been together for what...a few months?" he asks with an edge to his voice.

"Clyde." she warns with a little smile. "I'm sorry, but I'm in love with him." she says. He sighs.

"I know. We were together for so much longer." he says with a smile. She rolls her eyes.

"I never loved you like I love him." Emily says softly. Clyde shrugged.

"You said it the day we broke up...I was too focused on the job to care about anything else. Anyone else." he says. She smirked and nodded. "I've been waiting years for another chance though." he says with a smile. She shakes her head.

"I've found him. I can't ruin that Clyde." she says. Clyde nods.

"It was still good seeing you anyways." he says standing. He hugs her, and she walks out. "I'll talk to you later about the job. Good luck with you and Derek." he says. He finishes his drink and shakes his head.

* * *

Later on that night Emily found herself laying down on Derek's sofa. Clooney laying along the length of her body, on top of her sleeping. Sergio is curled up on the bookshelf. She's just staring up into the ceiling. She's eaten dinner, and cleaned almost the whole apartment. She really had hoped he would be home by now. She was starting to worry a bit. She reaches for her phone, and stared at it for a minute before dialing the number she knew by heart. It rang once, twice, three times. "Morgan." he answered. He sounded so tired.

"Derek? Um...I just thought you'd be home by now." she says looking at the clock that read midnight.

"Oh, oh yeah. I'm sorry baby. I just...I've been at the office all night. It's been a big work load since the last case." he says.

"You sound really tired. You should come home." she says. He chuckles a bit.

"I will princess. I'm on my way now. I promise." he says. She smiles a bit at the sound of his voice.

"I love you." she says to him. He smiles.

"I love you too." he says. They hang up, and he gets his things together. Emily pushes Clooney off of her, and moves to go upstairs. When upstairs she strips down to her underwear, and pulls his covers down. She climbs into bed, and takes her medicine. She turns off the light, and curls up. _That's my morning sickness. _She recites the words to herself that she told her friends. She sighs. She feels a tear come to her eye as she thinks about watching some woman's belly expand. Watching her lay her hand protectively on her baby bump. How she'll get to feel it move. It's first kick. Feel it rolling around. Emily lets a few tears fall. She puts a hand on her stomach, and bites her lip. It won't ever swell, and she won't ever get to know what any of it feels like. Never. She hears a door shut down stairs and she wipes her tears away quickly. She can't let him know how upset she is. He shouldn't feel bad. Soon she hears him taking steps in the dark bedroom. The light in the bathroom goes off, and she can hear him brushing his teeth. Soon the bed dips behind her. Arms wrap around her waist, and she closes her eyes. She continues to let the tears fall but she keeps them silent.

The next morning she woke up to kisses being laid along her neck. She smiles a bit, and turns around. "What are you doing?" she asks. He smiles at her.

"Waking my girlfriend." he says with a smile. She laughs as he keeps kissing her. He looks up at her, and she looks down at him. She kisses him hard. Soon they are both naked, and rolling around on the bed. Right before Derek moves to enter her, he reaches over and grabs a condom. Emily tries to hide the pain she feels when he puts it on. He enters her, and she closes her eyes. She tries to focus on the pleasure rather than what she really feels. She hates that this is what they've become. When they're done she gets up, and moves to the bathroom. She shuts and locks the door. She didn't bother putting clothes on when she got out of bed. She just went to the bathroom. She starts the shower, and gets under the spray. She lets the water flow over her, and she revels in the warmth of the water. She wishes she could feel him again. Just once. One more time with out fear, or barriers. It's like sex wasn't real anymore. It was fun because she was always reminded of why...she closes her eyes and bites her lip. She hears a knock on the door. "Babe? You've been in there for a while. You okay?" he asks. She turns off the water, and grabs a towel. She opens the door, and puts on a smile.

"I'm fine. The shower was just really nice." she says. He smiles, and wraps his arms around her towel covered form. He leans close, and kisses her softly.

"I love you Emily Valerie Prentiss." he says against her lips. She smiles a true smile now. He always made the pain go away.

"I love you too Derek Michael Morgan." she says before kissing him again. "You have to eat then get to work. Our little, morning session may make you late for work." she says moving away from him, and going to her dresser. She finds the clothes for the day, and he watches her. He smirks a bit watching her. It would be amazing to have a child with this woman. They were going to find a way. He walks over to her, and pushes her against her dresser. She laughs. A sound he loves. "What are you doing?" she asks him. He smiles.

"Move in with me." he says looking at her. Her jaw drops, but it soon turns into a smile.

"Wh-" she starts but she looks at him with a smile.

"We practically live together already." he says. She laughs and smiles wider.

"Yes." she says. "Yes, I will move in with you." she leans forward and kisses him on the lips again. "You really have to get to work." she says into his mouth. He nods.

"I know. I have a feeling it's going to be a good day." he says. She smiles too.

"I don't have a lot at the apartment. I could move some stuff today. I mean, I was going to the house anyway to work on the house." she says. They head down stairs and do their morning routine. They kiss and he leaves. She couldn't help but think back to this morning, and how uncomfortable she was when he got the condom out. It just wasn't the same anymore. She knew that. She shakes it off though, and goes to a place that makes her happy. She picks up her breakfast on the way there, and smiles when she sees it standing tall. Most of the walls were put up downstairs. She was now working on the porch since it was nice. It was a porch that reached all the way around the house. She was in the middle of painting it because her and Derek had finished the building about a week ago. When he was gone she would work all day and sometimes all night. She loved painting the most. It was therapeutic. Emily had always had a creative side she never liked to show off. She had many different lessons growing up as a child. Piano, ballet, art, etc. The ones she caught on to the best were the piano, and art lessons. Her grandfather was a painter. She loved to draw and paint.

She glances up to the window in the high right side of the house. That room was locked. Derek hadn't noticed yet, but she locked that room up. It made her sad. She couldn't help but see it as a nursery. It hurt. She still loved this house, but that room made her sad now. She hadn't gone up there in the last month. She bites her lip and stares at it. She stands up, and puts the brush down. She walks into the house, and climbs up the stairs. She stares at the door of the room, and then reaches for the handle. She turns the handle, and opens the door. The light shines through the window, and it shows the room. She smiles a bit, and runs her hand along the wall. She could still have a baby in this room. She could still put it to bed in a crib in the corner. She could still watch it grow. Just, not be with it in the first months of it's little life. She just wishes that she could have a chance. One chance to have her baby grow inside her. One chance. She pushes those thoughts away and focus' on finding a way.

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	17. Chapter 17

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"So...how would this all work doctor?" Emily asks nervous. Derek beside her clutching onto her hand. The doctor nods.

"Well, you can have the choice of a gestational surrogacy or a traditional surrogacy. I assume you want a gestational surrogacy so that the baby isn't related to the surrogate mother. We can find a mother for you, or if you had one in mind. Then we start the process. If you provide a surrogate it will cost considerably less." the doctor said. Emily was nodding and listening closely. She had studied this online, and had made a whole plan. "What we'll do is take his sperm, and your egg fertilize it in our labs then insert it into the surrogate." he says. "If you had a surrogate in mind we suggest she is in good physical and mental health, have carried and delivered at least one child, have had pregnancies that were all free of complications and were full-term, it's best if they are below the age of 43, a suitable living situation, and they don't smoke or abuse alcohol." he says. Emily smiled knowing who she had in mind fit all of these. "Emily? Do you have a surrogate in mind?" she nods.

"I haven't, we haven't asked yet but...I know who." she says. The rest of the appointment went well. They walked out hand in hand.

"We're gonna have a baby. I told you it would be fine." he says smiling down at her. She smiles too. Even though it isn't what she wanted she was excited too. "Who did you have in mind for the surrogate?" he asks. Emily smiles a bit.

"Well...I was thinking we made a visit to JJ's house tonight." she said. Derek smiled too.

"That's...perfect." he says. She laughs a bit.

"I know." she says. He smiles and kisses her. "I hope Jay says yes." she smiles. He brushes some hair from her face.

"Em, I'm sure she'd do anything for her. How about we invite her, Will and Henry over for dinner tonight. Tell them the good news about us moving in together, and ask JJ and Will. It is up to the both of them." he says. She nods, and laughs again.

"We're gonna have a baby." she whispers. Yes, it wouldn't she wouldn't carry it but it will still be her's.

* * *

"Oh my God! Emily, this dinner is wonderful!" JJ says with a smile on her face. Emily smiles too.

"It was mostly Derek, but...I try." she says with a chuckle.

"Auntie Em! Do you love Uncle Derek now? Will you have a baby?" he asks. Emily laughs.

"Yes, I love your Uncle Derek soooo much. Hopefully, soon we'll have a baby." she says holding onto Derek's hand. Henry smiles and bounces excitedly.

"Yay! Some one play with!" he yells. Emily smiles. "We can have sleepover like when Jack goes to your house and so do I!" he says with a toothy smile. Emily nods.

"Yup" she says looking at him. JJ looks at her in surprise.

"Wait, so you guys..." JJ starts. Derek smiles.

"We went to see a doctor today about a surrogacy." he says. "That's why we want to talk to you tonight actually." Derek says drinking his wine. "You all really. JJ we were wondering if you would...you would..." JJ smiles a bright smile, and hugs Emily quickly.

"Of course I would. Is that okay with you Will?" she asks. Will laughs and nods.

"Yeah, anything for you all." he says. Emily wipes a tear away and so does JJ.

"Oh my God!" JJ says hugging Emily again. Henry just looks confused. "Can I make a joke about having your babies now?" she asks Emily. Emily laughs a bit.

"Yes. I can tell everybody that I impregnated you. Especially those sleezy guys that hit on us when we go out for ladies night." Emily said with a laugh. Will and Derek raise their eye brows but don't say anything.

"Mommy! Emmy! Why you cry?" she asks. JJ laughs.

"Well Henry...um...mommy is going to have your baby cousin in her tummy." JJ says with a smile. Emily smiles too. Henry looks thoughtful for a moment, but then a smile spreads across his face. Soon Henry is off playing with Clooney and the adults are sitting on the couch. "So what would this mean for me?" JJ asks. Will and Derek talk while Emily discusses with JJ.

"Pretty much it would just be me and Derek donate then a doctor put's it in your uterus." Emily says. "I know it sounds weird but I swear it shouldn't be bad." Emily says. JJ laughs a bit.

"I know. I'm so happy to be doing this for you. What about during the pregnancy?" JJ asks. Emily gives her a look that shows Emily wasn't really sure.

"Well, I guess we'll be talking every single day. If anything is ever weird you call me first. Um, I'll be at your side for every doctors appointment. When you go into labor have Will call me. Because you're a field Agent now, I'm going to have to ask you to stay at the police station and stuff. Derek will be with you so it doesn't worry me that much, and of course I trust you to be safe. I wouldn't be that paranoid usually but this may be our only chance at...having..." Emily takes a moment, and JJ takes her hand.

"I know how big this is. I will be ten times as careful as I was with Henry." she says. Emily nods.

"When you have it, it won't be given to you at first. It'll be given to me, and Derek." Emily says and JJ nods.

"Bonding thing I get it." JJ says.

"I would also like to be in the room with you. I can cover any expenses for food and things like that." Emily says.

"I'm not going to make you do that. I can afford this by myself. I know you aren't working right now." JJ says. Emily gives her a stern look.

"If I'm gonna knock you up, the least I can do is pay for it till it get's here." Emily says with a smile. JJ rolls her eyes and laughs.

"Fine." JJ says. Emily nods.

"I trust you so it should all work out smoothly. We've talked to a doctor in length about this." she says. JJ smiles.

"I'll even put headphones on my stomach so it doesn't have to listen to cases. I'll even play Stevie Nicks." Emily laughs and rolls her eyes. When JJ sees the guys stand up and go to the kitchen JJ turns to Emily. "Are you sure this is okay? I know how bad you wanted to be pregnant." JJ says. Emily gives her a sad smile.

"I don't think that's ever going to happen. I...this is the best. Yes, I will always be a little jealous of the fact you got to carry my baby and I didn't...but I would never resent you for it. I understand the risks, I do. I will love this baby unconditionally though." Emily says. "This is for the best." Emily says. JJ nods.

"I think so too Emily." she says. They hug once more, and JJ wipes away one of Emily's tears. "I love you Emmy." she says. Emily smiles, and hugs her tighter.

"I love you more Jayjie." she says.

* * *

At the end of the night as everybody was saying goodbye Henry looked between his parents and Emily and Derek. He then turned back to his parents and popped his little bottom lip out. "Can I spend night with Aunt Emy and Uncle Der'wek?" he asks with his best puppy dog face. JJ looks surprised, and she turns to the other two adults.

"I don't know buddy, that's a question for them." JJ says with a smile. Emily smiles too, and nods.

"Auntie Em! Can I pwease, pwetty, pwetty, pwease stay wit yous!" he asks. She laughs.

"Well...hmmm...what do you think Uncle Derek? Sleepover?" she asks. He bites his lip.

"I don't know..." he says with a smile.

"PWEASE!" Henry begs. Emily laughs.

"I'm sure we can make room for one more." Emily says. He says goodbye to his mom and dad, and Emily hugs JJ. "I'm not doing anything tomorrow so we can just spend the day together. I'll drop by your place tomorrow to pick him up some clothes." Emily says. JJ nods. They leave and Henry looks up at Emily.

"Bath time." she says. He groans, but starts to giggle when she picks him up and flips him upside down. Holding him by his feet she carries him upstairs. He giggles. "Derek! Make the snacks while I clean the stinky kid." she yells down to him.

"Got it!" he says. He shakes his head and head to the kitchen. He opens the cabinet and reaches for his chocolate glazed popcorn. It was his favorite. He makes them all regular popcorn and searches for the right movie. He had a few kids movies from nights spent with Henry or Jack. They were mostly ones Emily brought over because she watched the kids way more than he did.

Upstairs Emily and Henry stood outside of a full bath. "I don't wanna bath." he says. She bites her lip.

"How about, you get in the bath and we sneak some of Uncle Derek's special popcorn?" she says. His eyes go wide and he smiles. He loves that stuff. Soon he was in the bathtub and they were having a discussion about the day his daddy took him to the zoo. She wasn't really listening, just watching him laugh and smile. It was making her smile too. It was something she needed. She took the cup, and he leaned his head back. "Eyes." she said. He shut them tight and she poured the water over his head. He kept talking though. She wiped his eyes quickly, and then reached for the shampoo. He got excited.

"I can do! Mommy teached me!" he says reaching for the bottle. Emily smiles and her eye brows shoot up.

"Oh really?" she asks. He nods. He puts out his hand and she puts a little bit of shampoo into it. He puts it all on top of his head and moves his hands around for a minute completely missing the sides. Emily smiles.

"You did such a great job!" she says. "But, I'm gonna get a few more spots you missed. Okay?" she asks. He nods his head. She lathers his hair, and then has him lean his head back so she can rinse. Once more she wipes a little bit of shampoo that got into his eyes. Because of his long hair she puts conditioner in it too. He splashes her and she splashes him. Derek watches them from the doorway and feels his heart swell at the sight of Emily laughing, and smiling. He hasn't seen that in a long while. Today has been a good day. A great day actually. Soon Henry get's out of the bath, and Emily carries him in a towel to Derek's room. She grabs Derek's Chicago PD shirt and puts it on the tiny little boy. It goes past his little feet, but Henry doesn't mind. Emily carries him downstairs after getting her own jammies on. They get to the couch, and they see Derek sitting on the couch eating popcorn. They all sit on the couch, and Henry snuggles in between Emily and Derek. Derek's hand is on the back of the couch and his fingers graze along the back of her neck. They watch the movie Cars, and listen to Henry's little laughs. Sometimes they even laugh themselves. After the movie Emily takes Henry into the kitchen and looks both ways. Henry opens the cabinet and takes out the popcorn Emily promised him.

"What are you two doing?" Derek asks from the door way with a fake stern look on his face. Henry hides it behind his back and Emily puts on an innocent face.

"What? Oh nothing." she says.

"We wasn't doin an'thing." Henry says shaking his head no.

"Emily Valerie Prentiss! Teaching him to lie." he says. He walks over and snatches the popcorn out from behind Henry's back.

"It her idea!" Henry says quickly. Emily's jaw drops but she turns to Henry.

"Hey! Snitches get stitches!" she says. Derek laughs, and gets out a bowl.

"We can all have popcorn! Lying is bad...Emily, Henry...got that?" he asks. They both nod guilty. He hands out popcorn and they all eat it. When they're done Emily swings Henry around.

"It's bedtime for you mister." she says. Derek finishes dishes, but Henry kisses Derek's cheek and says goodnight before curling into Emily's shoulder. She takes him upstairs, and puts him in the guest bedroom. She leaves the lamp on after tucking him in. She grabs a book, and snuggles with him. She reads to him, and his eyes get droopy.

"I loves you Aunt Emy." he whispers. She stops reading once she sees he's asleep. She leans down and kisses his forehead.

"I love you too buddy." she whispers. Derek smiles from the doorway.

"You think he'll be okay in this big bed by himself?" she asks. Derek nods. She moves off the bed softly and makes sure not to wake him. She smiles when she sees the little monkey tucked in his arm. One that she gave him when he was just a baby. He loves that thing. He takes it with him everywhere he goes. Emily smiles and just looks at him for a bit. She wraps her arms around Derek's torso. He kisses the top of her head, and wraps his arms around her. "I'm so happy JJ said yes." Emily says with a smile.

"I am too." he whispers to her. He pulls them to their room that now had some of Emily's belongings in it. JJ was so excited for them when they announced that they'd be moving in together. Derek pulled her down on top of him, and kissed her hard on her lips. She moaned and let him kiss down her neck. When he reached for her pants she pulled away with a soft smile.

"Um...not tonight. Henry's here." she says backing off. He nods, and kisses her again quickly, and a bit disappointed. She gets up and goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She stares at herself in the mirror and stops to think about why she did what she did. It wasn't about Henry, it was about sex with Derek lately. It just wasn't the same. He always used a condom, and she just wanted to feel him again. She was worried that her relationship will go down the drain because of her lack of interest lately. He didn't seem to notice though. It wasn't a frequent thing, just lately she hadn't been quite up to it. She still wanted to get pregnant. She still wanted it more than anything, but she had to accept this. She had too. She went back out and curled up next to Derek. "I love you Derek." she says softly.

"I love you too princess." he says. She closes her eyes, and tries not to think about the fact she denied her boyfriend sex because it pained her to use a condom. Maybe that her best friend was going to have her baby and she doesn't know how to feel about it. Of course she's happy. She's going to have a baby but...it's just not the same. It hurts. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She curses Ian Doyle for taking these chances at a normal life away from her.

* * *

"Auntie Em!" Henry says running into Derek's bedroom. He jumps on top of Emily, and she laughs. She starts to tickle him and he giggles. "UNCLE DEWEK! HEWP!" he yells and giggles. Soon Emily feels arms wrap around her from behind. Derek pulls Emily away and she laughs. Henry smiles.

"Run! Run Henry! I got her!" Derek yells. Henry runs down the hall and she smiles. She gets out of Derek's arms, and runs after Henry. She picks Henry up and covers him in kisses. He giggles. He hugs her.

"What do you want for breakfast?" she asks with a giant smile.

"Can you make pancakes!?" Henry asked. His Aunt Emy's pancakes were his favorite.

"Yes I can. Do you want bacon with them?" she asks. Henry nods hurriedly. They all go downstairs, and Emily gets Henry dressed in his now clean clothes from last night. When he gets back the pancakes and bacon are done. He eats them happily, and Emily tries to make sure he doesn't make a mess. On his way out Derek kisses Emily, and hugs Henry. "Hey, buddy you're going to spend the day with me? Does that sound fun?" she asks. Henry smiles.

"Yeah!" he says. She gets herself ready quickly, and munches on her own pancakes.

"What do you want to do today?" she asks Henry as he eats his pancakes.

"Can we go play at the park?" he asks her bouncing in his seat.

"Yeah, sure. Do you wanna bring Clooney?" she asks. Henry's eyes light up, and he can't stop the smile on his face.

"Yeah!" he yells. She makes a picnic basket, and get's Clooney on a leash. They head out to the park. They ran to JJ and Will's place to pick up a soccer ball, and some play clothes. Then they head to the park. When they get there Emily takes out Clooney, and Henry. She takes them to her favorite tree and they sit. As the day goes on it's full of Henry's giggles and Emily's bright smile. At lunch time they sat and Henry looked at Emily curiously. "Aunt Emy...why is your baby in mommy's tummy? Why not it in y'urs?" he asks curiously. Emily frowns a bit, but puts on a smile and tries to think of an explanation.

"Well...buddy you know when I got hurt? And I had to spend some time away from you?" she asked him. He frowns and nods.

"It made me sad." he says softly.

"I got hurt really bad, and...it hurt my tummy. Because it hurt me a baby can't be in my tummy...with out me being hurt again." she says trying her best.

"You get hurt if a baby in yours tummy?" he asks. She nods, and he frowns. "Mommy's tummy gives you a baby tho'." he says. She nods. "Does that make you sad?" he asks noticing her frown.

"Yeah buddy. Yeah it does." she says. "But I will still give you a baby cousin. You'll get to see them all the time." she says with a smile. He nods.

"Good...then you be happy?" he asks. Emily nods. He stands and hugs her tightly. "Never leave again Emy." he says. She wraps her arms around him too.

"I promise you. I won't ever go anywhere." she says. He nods.

* * *

Later that night Derek finds Emily on the couch reading a book. "Did you have fun with Henry?" he asks. She nods.

"Yeah. We went to the park." she says not looking up from her book. Derek smiles, and pushes the book down so he can see her face. He smiles at her and kisses her. She responds to the kiss quickly. He moves the book from her lap and lays it on the table. He climbs on top of her never disconnecting his lips from hers. She lets out a small moan, and he grabs her leg so he can hike it up against his hip. He continues to kiss her. He goes for her pants, and she pulls away for the third time in the last week. He detaches himself from her lips and sighs keeping his eyes closed. "Not tonight." she says pushing him away a bit. He pulls away from her and walks into the kitchen with out a word. He's noticed. "Derek?" she calls. He ignores her and heats up dinner. "Derek." she says softly. "I'm sorry. I just...not tonight..." she says. He turns to her.

"Then when?" he asks. She frowns and turns around guilty.

"I'm sorry." she says walking upstairs and getting ready for bed. She curls into bed while he eats downstairs. A tear falls from her eye. She was being stupid. Why couldn't she just...why did it hurt so much? Why wasn't it the same? Why can't she just give him what he wants? Why does she have to be so difficult. She laid there and silently let the tears falls from her eyes. Soon she felt the bed dip behind her and she makes sure to keep her distance. He's laying on his back. She's on her side facing the wall away from him.

"Why?" he asks. "It never used to be a big deal? Why now?" he asks. She bites her lip.

"We've already talked about this. I understand why you have too, but it...it still hurts. I'm not normal. We can't be normal. I hate it." she says softly. "Every time we...we have sex it just...I'm reminded and it hurts. I don't like feeling that way so I.." she stops hoping he'll get the message. "Can we not fight?" she asks. "It's been such a happy two days." she says closing her eyes. Still turned away from him. He didn't know what to say.

"Emily, if I get you pregnant...you may die. Our baby may die. I thought you were happy with the arrangement we have now. With JJ." he says. She frowns.

"I am happy. We're getting a baby. That's not what this is about. It's about...it's about...couples who are going to have a child they can...they don't care about using protection. I feel like we're married. Married people don't use protection. I feel so different. If I was fine then we wouldn't have too. It would be passionate and sexy and amazing like it used to be. If I was normal then I wouldn't be holding you back from having a normal relationship." she says. "It's all my fault." she says wiping a tear that escaped from her closed eyes. "I wouldn't be such a burden." she says. He turns her around and she hides her face from him.

"You aren't a burden." he says looking at her. He can see the tear stains through the darkness, even though she's trying to hide it from him. It breaks his heart. "You'll never be." he says pulling her to him. "It's not your fault." she shakes her head.

"Yes, it is." she says pulling away from him. "I went after Doyle. I let him get me. He stabbed me, I-" Derek stops her.

"He stabbed you Emily. He did it." Derek says. She wipes her tears away quickly.

"This is stupid. I shouldn't be crying about this. I shouldn't be denying you." she says. He brings her to him.

"I understand." he says. "I wouldn't use it but I'm so scared. I'm so scared of losing you." he says holding her tightly.

"I know." she says. He holds her till she calms down.

"Baby, how about we only use...how about we only use protection when I know you can't...you can't get pregnant. Keep that calender." he says. She nods. She leans up and kisses him on the lips. That night they made love all night. They used protection the whole night...

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I'm thinking about continuing a story I started with SVU. Considering I'd be juggling two stories these updates may slow down a bit...I doubt they'll slow down much though. REVIEW!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm so sorry for the late update! I'm doing a show right now and I've had 12 hour rehearsals. No time at all. I apologize again! ENJOY!**

"I love you." he says nuzzling her nose. They were standing in the house. They would find out if it worked today. It had been months of prep, and worry. It was finally happening. They were going to find out whether or not they were going to be parents. They painted the walls in the living room that was now built, and she added her personal touch to it. They were now together. On the mattress in the painted living room. She had been working for Clyde for a while, but she still had her eye on that teaching job just in case things didn't work out.

"I love you too." she says. They were wrapped up in each other, and a blanket. It was dark out, and he just got home from a case. He missed her, and she missed him. They kissed softly, and she smiled. She just wanted to feel his love. He kisses her neck, and she smiles a genuine smile. "Will you always love me? Till we die?" she asks. He smiles, and nods.

"Till we die, and then some." he says kissing her some more. She lets out a moan.

"Promise me." she says softly. For some reason she needed it right now. She needed to hear it. He backed away, and stared at her.

"Why?" he asks. Now he's nervous.

"No...no reason. I just...I wanted to hear you say it." she says staring back at him.

"I promise." he whispers to her. She smiles, and looks down at his chest.

"I promise too." she says. They kiss once more as their naked skin touches. "I'm scared." she says. He looks at her.

"Of what?" he asks. She kisses his chest.

"Of it not working." she says. He nods.

"Me too, baby." he says. "The doctor says that it looks good though. The doctors say that they think this time it'll work." he says. Emily nods.

"I know, but...life doesn't like to be good to me." she says quietly. He nods.

"I know baby. Bear with me. It'll all work out. We'll be okay." he says. She nods once more.

* * *

The next morning Emily felt herself getting nauseous. She ran to the bathroom, and emptied the contents of her stomach. Derek ran in behind her, and held her hair. "You okay Em?" he asks. She nods. She wipes her mouth.

"I'm fine." she says. "I'm just not feeling great this morning." she whispers. "You need to get to work. We need to get to work." she says standing. He looks at her in concern.

"You sure you should go to work today?" he asks. She nods.

"I'll be fine. I'll just take some Tylenol." she says. "We really have to get to work, and I have to get to the bathroom." She bit her lip. The morning went by fast after Derek left. She had an interview with the school today even though she was working with Interpol. At work she threw up four more times. She couldn't keep anything down. By lunch Clyde walked into her office. He saw her leaning back in her chair breathing hard, her face flushed. _  
_

"Oh my god, are you okay?" he asks running to her aid. She shrugs him off.

"I'm...I'm fine. Just not feeling great." she says. She was terrified.

"Yeah...not feeling great I can see that. I'm driving you home." he says. She groans, and straightens her back.

"I'll be fine, just a little sick." she says holding her head. He walks over behind her desk, and kneels down next to her.

"No. You aren't. You're sick. You're coming with me." he says looking in her eyes. She nods. She gets her things together, and stands up to go with him. She goes to speak, but feels a wave of nausea hit her. She grabs onto the desk, and takes a deep breath. Her head felt like rocks, and she sat back down quickly. Clyde was by her side in an instant. His hand gripping her waist as she sat down. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asks. She nods. He helps her up again, and wraps an arm around her waist. She grips his shoulder for a minute. "Do you wanna go to the hospital?" he asks. She shakes her head no.

"Just take me to my house." she says. He looks at her in confusion. "I moved in with Derek." she says quickly so Clyde understands. He nods, keeping his arm around her. They head out, him carrying her bags for her. On the way home she makes him stop at a pharmacy.

"Why do you need to stop here?" he asks. She shrugs.

"I need to go get something." she says. "And some medicine." she says. She gets out and walks into the store. There are so many different kinds. She doesn't know which one too choose. She just grabbed one, and got some more medicine. She bought her things quickly, and hid it in the bag. She came outside and got back in the car.

"I know what you got." he says. "We've done this before." he says remembering a time that they went through this. They went to her and Derek's house, and he stared at her. "Do you want me to come in? Give you a friend to talk too." he says. She smiles, and thinks about it for a moment. "Please. You'll probably need it." he says.

"Okay." she whispers staring at the bag. They head into the house, and Clyde sits. "You can wait here till I get out. Wine is in the kitchen. Pour me a glass just in case." she says. She walks into the bathroom and gets out the pregnancy tests she bought. She doesn't know whether to pray that it's negative, or positive. She thinks back to the last time she did this. She's had too many pregnancy scares in her past.

_"Ian...I'm fine." she whispers. She was late. She couldn't tell him that though. He sighs, and kisses her lips softly. One kiss turns into two, and two into three. Soon she is straddling him. "I love you." she whispers. He bites at her neck. _

_"I love you too." he says attacking her neck. She lets out a moan. He wraps his arms around her and she lays down on top of him. "I have business today, love. Will you be fine alone?" he asks. She smiles and nods.  
_

_"I'll take a trip to town." she says. "Go shopping. Maybe get something new." she says with a laugh, biting at his ear. He smiled too. _

_"Mmm. I love it when you go shopping. You like to pick out the...best outfits for me." he says. She smiles, and grinds her hips against his. They make love until he has to get ready. When he leaves she gets dressed, and heads out. Clyde meets her at a cafe. She makes sure it's way, way, way out._

_"I need you to get me something. I need you to drive me." she says. He looks at her in confusion. _

_"What do you need?" he asks. She takes a deep breath. _

_"A pharmacy." she says. He closes his eyes, and runs a hand over his face. _

_"How big is the possibility?" he asks. She shrugs. _

_"I don't know. We need to do this now." he nods at her words. They get into Clyde's car and he drives her to a pharmacy. She get's what she needs. Buys it. Then moves to the bathroom. She stands and stares at the box. Not knowing whether to pray for it to be positive, or to be negative. She was in love with Ian, but...Emily wasn't._

Emily just stared at the test she took. She took three. Just in case. She went back downstairs and laid them on the table. She sat next to Clyde. She leans her elbows on her knees. "Do you want it to be negative or positive?" Clyde asks downing his wine. She shrugs.

"I have no idea." she says. He nods. The three minutes were awkward, and rough. She just didn't know what to do. When they bell rang she stared at them. "I don't want to know." she says. She'll be hurt if it's negative. She'll be terrified if it was positive. She picks us the test, and looks at it. Her hand goes to her mouth, and the air escapes her lungs. A smile spreads across her face. "I'm pregnant." she says staring at it. Forgetting everything in the world. Forgetting that they were supposed to go see the doctor tomorrow about seeing if they were going to be parents. They were going to be parents. They were. Tears spill of her eyes. _Oh God, what will Derek say?_ she thinks to herself. She puts her head down, and then picks up the other ones quickly to look at them. All positive. She feels Clyde's hands on her. Holding her. She leans into his embrace.

"I don't know whether to apologize or congratulate you." he says. She puts her hands to her stomach and lets out the smile she's holding back.

"I'm pregnant." she says. All of sudden she isn't so sad. Isn't so lonely. She lets out a breath. "I'm pregnant." Clyde smiles seeing her smile.

"Is it okay for you to be working at Interpol considering the risks?" he asks. She shrugs, not even listening to him.

"What if he...if he..he won't let me have it?" Emily asks worriedly looking at Clyde. He was seeing a side to Emily he'd never, not once, seen in his life. Her eyes were wide and teary.

"Then come to my house." he says. "I don't...as a friend, don't think about it like that. If he doesn't...just come to me. I'll take care of you." he says. She shakes her head.

"I couldn't..." she says. He hugs her.

"You can." he whispers. She closes her eyes.

"Thank you." she says. She leans into his embrace. She takes the tests off the table and throws them away. She looks at the time, and sighs. "He'll be home soon. You should go. He hated seeing you here last time." she says cleaning up the boxes and hiding them well, deep in the trash can.

"Why?" he asks her. She sighs.

"It's...you were there. Making me laugh, we were drinking wine, and you had your hand on my face when he walked in. I wouldn't be too happy either." she says. Clyde nods. "He doesn't even like us working together." she says. Clyde looks at her in confusion.

"Am I really that bad?" he asks her. She lets out a breathy chuckle.

"You're my friend. He just...gets jealous." Emily says. Clyde nods.

"He has no reason to be jealous. I won't try anything. I know I lost my chance." he says walking toward her. She smiles.

"I'm sorry." she says. He smiles a bit.

"It's okay." he says. "I knew I never had a real chance with Emily Prentiss." he says with a smile downing his drink.

"We were engaged. What do you mean a real chance?" she says with a laugh holding onto her stomach protectively.

"Only because you wanted to piss of your mother!" he says. She laughs.

"Well...mother likes Derek." she says softly. Clyde laughs.

"Oh really? Hmm. Good." he says. He grabs his coat, and opens the door. When he does he is face to face with Derek Morgan. Derek's jaw clenches and he looks at Clyde.

"What are you doing here?" he asks a bit harshly. Clyde rolls his eyes.

"I gave your girlfriend a ride home. She was sick. I can't be a good friend?" Clyde says pushing passed him.

"Is she okay?" Derek asks quickly moving into the house.

"Ask her." Clyde says. "Be good to her. She doesn't deserve less." Clyde says getting into his car. Derek walks in to see Emily staring at him.

"Did you really have to be so rude?" she asks with her arms crossed. Derek looks at her and sighs.

"I'm sorry." he says walking to her and wrapping his arms around her.

"I love you." she says with a smile. He smiles too and pecks her lips.

"I love you too princess." he says grinning. She sees it and she doesn't want it to go away. Never.

"You look really tired." she says. He nods, and she goes to move.

"Can you just...stay in my arms for a bit?" he asks. She looks at him, then nods. He moves his head in the crook of her neck. He breathes her in and holds her there. "It was a rough day." he says. She knows that if she tells him, he'll be mad...scared...worried...upset...she didn't know. He wouldn't be happy. She tried not to think about it.

"I have some news." she says softly. "I...today...I...Derek..." she takes a moment. He breaks away to look at her. She goes to say it, but then she thinks about how he could react. She couldn't handle him...saying...she couldn't do that. She closed her eyes and then smiled. "I'm feeling a lot better. Turns out it was nothing really." she says with a smile. "I bought some medicine at the drug store, and now I'm good as new." she says. _Stupid. _She thinks. "What do you want for dinner?" she asks. He smiles at her.

"Eh, whatever you want." he shrugs. "What was Clyde doing here?" he asks putting his jacket away.

"He drove me home from work. I threw up and he caught me. You two could really bond over how protective, and stubborn you guys are." Emily says. Derek nods.

"How long was he here?" he asks. She rolls her eyes when her back is turned.

"A few hours. We talked Derek. Don't worry Derek. I don't want to fuck Clyde." she says a bit bitter. Derek sighs.

"I know Emily. I trust you...not him." he says walking toward her. Her mood suddenly tense.

"It sounds like you don't trust either of us." she says moving through the kitchen suddenly annoyed. "Why does everything have to be a fight with you lately?" Emily asks angrily. She couldn't explain it, but he was annoying here.

"Em, what's wrong?" he asks walking over. He turns her around.

"Nothing. You. Clyde is a friend. Just a friend. Why do you always have to assume that he's here to get in my pants?" she asks. "You did it when he asked me to go undercover, you did it just now, and you did it when I got the job." she says.

"I don't like him." Derek says.

"Can you at least pretend to like him?" she asks him. Derek sighs. "I pretend to like all of the people that I've met. I pretended to like Tamera even though I am 100% positive that you and her had sex." she says making her sandwich. "I think we'll have a make your own night." she says spreading peanut butter and jelly on bread. She sees the chips in the corner and has a strong feeling to put them on her sandwich. She resists though even though she is sure that it would be delicious.

"I don't still talk with her though. I don't work with her. I don't see her in our home when you're gone." he says trying to stay calm. Emily closes her eyes. Suddenly feeling sad.

"He just drove me home and we talked. Why do you have to assume shit?" she asks. "Why don't you trust me?" she asks her lip trembling. He looks at her in confusion.

"I do trust you." he says. She sighs.

"Well...it didn't feel like it." she says. He looks at her, and he sees something different. She turns away from him.

"What happened today?" he asks. She looks at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" she asks him taking a bite of her sandwich.

"What happened today?" he asks.

"Nothing. I got sick at work then Clyde brought me home." she says. It isn't a lie.

"Okay." he says suspiciously. "Come here." he says. She walks to him, and smiles. "I'm sorry. I didn't think anything went on while I was gone, I just don't like him." Derek says. She smiles and kisses him. At the first kiss she feels a fire light. She kisses him some more, and more until she is kissing down his neck. "Mmm...Em, what's gotten into you?" he asks her as she kisses his chest. She unbuttons the buttons on his shirt, and he groans when she moves down forgetting about her sandwich or her dinner at all.

"I missed you." she says coming back up for kisses. Their lips locked and he pushes her against her the kitchen counter. She moans, and pushes his shirt off his shoulders. He bites down her neck. Her sudden excitement startled him, but he was still a man. He lifted her leg, and pulled her shirt off. He unbuttoned her jeans, and pushed them down. She ground against him, and let out a louder moan. She felt herself getting close, and was shocked at how quick she was getting off. He crashed his hips into her's again, and she threw her head back. She let out a loud yell and felt it. Her release. She bit her lip and looked at Derek who stood shocked.

"Did you just..." he starts but the look on her face tells him everything. She gasps, and turns red. She turns her head, and takes a breath.

"Yeah.." she says. She once heard that pregnancy lead to intensified orgasms, and quick orgasms. He laughs, and shakes his head. He unbuttons her pants, and pulls them down quickly. She pushes his shorts down with her feet. It was rough and fast, but amazing and passionate. The first time it had been that good. It was always good, but that was amazing. She knew she should tell him and she was going too.

"I love you Emily." he says nuzzling her neck. She smiles and he gets his clothes on too.

"Derek." she starts. "I have something to tell you, and...I'm scared at how you'll react." she says. He looks at her in confusion. He pulls on his pants, and stares at her. "Come with me." she says. She pulls him, and they sit. She bites her nails, and stares down at the ground. "I..." she felt her heart constrict.

"Emily what's wrong?" he asks.

"I'm pregnant." she says. He looks at her in shock, and then his jaw drops. Her lip twitches a bit when she thinks of it. She was happy.

"You...how?" he asks. She looks at him, and frowns.

"Well...we...we must've...condoms don't always work." she says. He bites his lip, and puts his head in his hands.

"They do too. We...Jesus what are we going to do now?" he asks her. She puts her hands to her stomach.

"Have it." she says. He looks at her.

"It isn't that simple baby." he says. She looks at him, and bites her lip.

"Yes. Yes it is that simple. I am careful, and we have this baby." she says.

"Emily, I can't lose you again. Have you thought about..." he stops, and she gasps. She stands and turns her back on him.

"No!" she says firmly. "No. That isn't an option." she says looking at him.

"We need to go over our options." he says. She turns to him. "I can't...I can't risk it." he says. She looks at him, and he can see all the hurt in her eyes.

"Why can't you be happy, and love it like I do?" she asks him a tear falling. He bites his lips.

"I do love it." he says defensively.

"Then how can you ask me to kill it?" she asks her nostrils flaring. She shakes her head. She felt sick thinking about that. "After all I've been through. After killing my baby when I was fifteen. After killing my last baby. How...how can you ask me? How dare you!? Just know that if you make me kill it for us, which I won't, I would kill myself. You'd lose both of anyways." she states. She's yelling now. Her emotions where all over the place. She grabs her coat and walks out. She couldn't believe what she just heard. She gets in her car, and watches Derek run after her. She's out of the driveway before he can say anything.

**Again so sorry for the late updates! One more show, and then school! Ugh. I wish I could just write all day for you all. It would be awesome. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks for all the reviews! Audition tonight, and TONS of homework. Ughers. ENJOY!**

**GUEST(with the update review): I UPDATED SEE! Everything is okay, love. **

She drove and drove. She pulled into the driveway. She walked toward the door, and knocked. _Shit. They're probably sitting together at the table eating dinner as a family or something. _She bit her lip when the door swings open. Will answers with Henry on his hip. "Emy!" Henry yells reaching for her. Emily takes him, and laughs. "I'm so sorry for not calling ahead." she says weakly. "I just...I didn't know what other place was okay to go." _Lie, you could've gone to Clyde's. You knew Derek wouldn't want that though. He would hate it. _She sighs.

"Oh, is everythin' alright?" he asks looking concerned. She shrugs, and bites her lip. She walks in and Henry clings to her neck.

"I just really need to talk to JJ." she says. Will nods, and moves to the kitchen.

"Jay? Em is here." he says walking to her. "I think something happened. I can take this." he says moving to the pots and pans with spaghetti in them. JJ walks into her living room to see her best friend on the couch smiling at her son.

"Em? What's up?" she asks. Emily's smile goes away, and she looks at Henry.

"Hey, buddy. Can you go and play somewhere else while your mommy, and I talk?" she asks Henry. He nods, and hugs her again. Then he runs off.

"JJ...I'm just gonna say it..." she starts. Her lip twitches upwards. "I'm pregnant." she says looking at the ground. "We fought again, and I...he asked me if I had thought about...other options." she says frowning. "How could he do that?" she asks.

"He asked you to get an abortion?" JJ asks in shock.

"Not...I can't remember what he said but it was something along the lines of 'Emily, have you thought about-'" she says leaning back.

"What did you say?" JJ asks. Emily bites her lip.

"That...that if I...if I got an abortion I would...I would kill myself, and he would lose the both of us anyways." Emily says. JJ looks at her in concern.

"You have to understand though...he's only looking after you. He's scared to lose you again." JJ says. Emily nods.

"I know, but...I wasn't lying JJ. I have killed two of my own children in my life time. A third? Do you know what that would do to me? A baby that I want. One that I loved from the moment I learned I was pregnant. I will kill myself. I wouldn't deserve to live." she says looking at the floor, and her hand touching her stomach. "He pushed things to far. I was experiencing hormone issues in my pregnancy bad today...I mean they've been like that for a while. I thought I may have been pregnant for a while, but I came to terms with it today. The truth is I've been feeling this way for a while. It didn't just hit me today. It was bad. I'm super emotional." she says. JJ smiled a bit.

"What happened?" she asks. Emily laughs a bit, and leans back.

"Well...first he got a bit pissy because Clyde was at the house. I flipped out on him, then almost cried." Emily says with a sigh. JJ let out a laugh. "No wait! It gets better. Then halfway through dinner, he kisses me and I jump him in the kitchen. We had sex on our kitchen floor. Who does that?" she asks. JJ smiles.

"Yeah...no doubt you're pregnant. Did you..." she asks with a smile.

"Yeah. Within three minutes with out actual contact. We...it was amazing, and then I had to tell him. I just didn't know it would lead to this." she says. "I just need to be happy...happy for this, and us. Even if he isn't. I won't have an abortion though. I refuse to. I won't." she says rubbing her stomach.

"I understand. You understand that...this may...this may not even..." unable to finish her sentence, she waits for Emily's reply.

"I know Jay, but...I'm so scared. So scared that something bad will happen and I will lose it. My little miracle. I couldn't handle losing another child." she says. "I just need a break. Why can't I have that?" she asks. "This is my chance JJ. My chance, and...Derek's going to push me away." Emily says. She pulls her feet on the couch, and curls up. "If I lose the baby...no telling what spiral I'll go down." she says honestly. JJ new that this pregnancy was a good thing, and a bad thing. If it went fine, her best friend would be happy for the rest of her life. If it didn't...she may, no will, lose her best friend forever. She was praying for the first.

* * *

"Baby. Call me back. I'm sorry. Come home." he says. Begging into the phone. Hating the sound of no response. He hangs up for the fifth time tonight, and sits in the empty house. No his house, the house. The home they've been building for months, and months, and months. The one with the perfect little nursery. He was terrified. He dialed again, and closed his eyes when it went straight to voicemail this time. Her phone is off. At least he knows she's okay, and turned it off. He looked all over the house when he got there. He stood staring at the spot where he held her, and made love to her all night long. The mattress was blown up, and the sheets still messy on the bed. He smiles, and thinks about how many times they've been together in this house. "Emily...I love you and our baby so much. I just panicked. It was wrong of me, and I shouldn't have done it." he says. "I love you so much though, and I need you to come home. Please. I'm at the house. I'll be here all night. Come to this home. You know which one. Come see me. Let me explain. Let me hold you, and we can be happy again." he says getting choked up. "I need you." he says. He hangs up, then moves to the old cabinets in the kitchen. He removes them and replaces them with the new ones. He just needed her home.

* * *

"Jayjie. He keeps calling me. I don't know what to do." Emily says. JJ looks at her for a moment.

"Call him back." JJ says. They're laying on the couch together eating chocolate ice cream. Which Emily just had to have.

"I can't Jay." she says curling more into her friends lap. Will came down stairs, and laughed when he saw the girls curled up on the couch together.

"Congrats." he says holding a sleeping Henry. Emily looks up in confusion. "I didn't get to tell you before. You're glowing." he says. She rolls her eyes.

"Did you actually know, or did you overhear?" she asks moving to see her friends fiance.

"You look almost as beautiful as Jen did." he says. JJ lets out a laugh at the 'almost' part. Will winks at Emily and walks away to go upstairs with Henry. They had eaten dinner, and Emily stole a pair of sweats from JJ. Tank top too. It was riding up her flat stomach, but she didn't care at this point. Her hair was down and she was cuddled to her best friend with a big carton of chocolate ice cream drenched in caramel.

"Why can't you call him?" JJ finally asks after a moment of silence. She's still staring at the flashing tv. Emily sighs, and puts her ice cream down on the table.

"Because I can't really hear his voice right now, and to tell the truth I don't want to remember it." Emily says quietly. "I mean...that sounded wrong. I do. I just...if I hear his voice then it will just remind me of how it sounded when he told me...when he told me that...when he asked...I just don't wanna hear it again Jay." she says sadly. She turns her phone back on, and curls back up to JJ. 10 missed calls. 8 voicemails. Instead of listening to them, she sends a text to him. _'I think I'm gonna stay at JJ's house tonight. We can talk in the morning. I love you.' _she types. No more than a minute later she gets a text back.

_'Please come home tonight Emily. I love you baby.' _he responds. She sighs.

_'I need some time Derek. I swear, tomorrow. We can talk.' _she writes. JJ keeps her eyes on the screen. Emily moves so that her feet are now on JJ's lap instead of her head.

_'Okay. I'm at the house tonight. It feels empty with out you. I love you.' _he says closing his eyes tightly as he writes it.

_'I love you too. We love you. Goodnight. Sleep well.' _she says. He doesn't miss the WE love you. He feels a pang of guilt.

_'You too.' _he writes. She frowns that he didn't acknowledge the baby. She places her phone down, and moves to the other side of the couch with JJ. Laying her head on JJ's neck, and closing her eyes she can feel the wetness of tears in her eyes. _Maybe he doesn't want it after all. _she thinks. JJ runs a hand over her friends head, and leans on it with her own head. "We should go to bed." Emily says as a tear drops onto JJ's neck. JJ can feel it, and she takes the blanket from the back of the couch, and drapes it over the both of them. She holds her friend as she feels a few tears fall.

A bit later Will comes downstairs to find Emily and JJ curled up on the couch together. He shook his head, and pulled the blanket up higher on them. Both of them were fast asleep. He wipes a stray tear away from Emily's face, and then he kissed his woman's forehead. _Derek, you're a crazy man. _He thinks to himself as he puts up the ice cream that was left out. He turns all lights off then heads upstairs. He shuts his door, and lays down on the empty bed. He smiles as he thinks of how happy the woman downstairs is now. Even he went through some stuff when JJ said she was gone. He understood, but Emily was his friend.

* * *

Derek was left staring at the ceiling. Beer in one hand. Just staring. He was drunk, no he was plastered. He thought of the baby. He was going to be a dad. He was going to be a father...hopefully. He couldn't shake that fear of losing her though, losing Emily. He loved her far to much for that. She was his world, his life. Now he was going to have another life in the house. One that could run around, and play with Clooney and love on Sergio. One that could giggle at the silly faces daddy makes, or go around the house copying the bad words mommy says. He ran a hand over his face. How did he get here? Why wasn't he with Emily? Why wasn't he holding her, loving on her, caring for her and his unborn child? What was his fucking problem? He groaned, and shook his head. Why? His vision was blurry, and he didn't want to think about any of it right now.

_I bet she imagined telling you she was pregnant. How you were supposed to smile, and wrap her in your arms..._the voice in his head told him. He closes his eyes, and he can see her. Her smile, her body. He loves it. He remembers a time so less complicated.

_"Oh...really?" she asks placing the cherry on her tongue and sucking it into her mouth. The dark haired man sitting across from her smiled. He was close. Really close. Her eyes seemed to sparkle with mischief. Reid should've taken lessons from her when it came to picking up men, even a woman once. To his disliking they didn't go home together. He was a man...with a mind...and the anatomy to go with...of course he wanted them to go home together. If he had magically showed up at her door with a bottle of wine, he would've happily joined. He was a man. This pissed him off though. Watching her...sucking on that cherry...talking to that man. _

_"Oh...yeah..." he breathes in her ear. She smiles at him, and leans forward seductively. Her red lips grazing his hear._

_"I dare you...to touch me." she says. He looks at her in surprise. Derek swoops in and wraps his arms around Emily. _

_"Look. I know you're trying to piss me off, but really Emily?" he asks her pulling her away quickly. She looks at him angrily. _

_"What?" she asks. She lets out a bitter laugh. "I'm just having a little fun. Lighten up." she says letting the alcohol dull her senses. "We're in Vegas. I can't sleep with you...so I'm sleeping with Jason over there." she smiles mischievously. He looks at her shocked. He pulls her too him quickly, and he grinds on her. He pulls her onto the dance floor, and turns her around. He pushes her ass against his hips, and moves his hips on her. His hands move her hips for her. She leans back and smiles. His teeth graze her ear. _

_"Who...who says...that you can't sleep with me." he says. "We've fucked on a case before." he says harshly. She lets out a small moan, and moves with him. _

_"Mmm...but last time we weren't sharing rooms. In fact I'm sure we had a whole different floor." she says. He smiles, and moves his hand down to grope her. She moans and turns around. _

_"They won't hear." he says. She smiles and shakes her head. _

_"If you wanna do this then...convince me to buy a room for us." she says. He laughs, and pulls her into the hallway of the club they're in. The doors are locked and it's vacant. They're both drunk enough. He touches her in the hallway. Tries to hush her up with kisses. He loves to touch her. He gets on his knees too. Convincing her in the best way possible. Thirty minutes later they are in their own room moving to their own beat. She doesn't care when he makes her scream. The room is a suit on the top floor. Tomorrow she'll talk about this super hot guy she hooked up with, and he'll talk about this hot piece of ass he got. They don't mind because they look at each other, and smile knowingly. Their little secret. The last time that night isn't like the other times. It's slow. The handcuffs have been put away and she's nuzzling his neck. Whispering, instead of screaming. "Derek...Derek..." she whimpers. "Je'taime..." she says as she releases. He smiles not knowing what it meant. She often screamed in other languages. He never thought anything of it._

"Derek?" Emily yelled into the house. She borrowed a blouse from JJ, and some jeans that she couldn't button all the way up. "Derek?" she found him laying on the mattress surrounded by beer bottles. She frowned, and stared at him. Pale and sickly. He drank...a lot. She could tell when Derek had too much. He was shirtless, and she felt the fire ignite in her belly. She couldn't though...not right now...they needed to talk. She walked over and placed her hand on his shoulder. She shook it a bit, and he groaned. His eyes popped open and he smiled a lop sided smile. He was still drunk. She sighs and sits down against the wall. Drunk Derek was either a really good thing, or a really bad thing. She didn't want to stay around for either thing.

"Emily don't go!" he says as she goes to walk out. He walks over to her, and he pulls her closer. "I love you." he says. She frowns, and feels herself angry.

"Derek. You're drunk. I hate dealing with you when you get drunk." she says moving away from him. "The only time I can even tolerate you when you're drunk is if we're with friends, or we're both drunk. I don't want to deal with this right now. He grabs her arm.

"I'm not as drunk as you think." he says to her. She looks at him with sadness in her eyes. She pulls her arm away from him.

**I know, I know, I know! Don't hate me for the way I left it. It'll get better before it's worse...I mean...worse before better...right? Hee hee! REVIEW!(:**


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! Things have been a bit hectic. Our internet went out, our car broke down, my dad's uncle died. It's all been so insane. I'm soo soo soo sooo sorry! I also**** didn't get the part I wanted when it came to my audition. Oh well. I'll get over it. The reviews really help because my life isn't that great here lately. I really love how much you guys care about this story. It means a lot to me and I want to make sure I'm doing it justice. Thank you so much for reviewing. It really really matters to me more than you know. You all are so sweet. Thanks! ENJOY!**

_"Derek. You're drunk. I hate dealing with you when you get drunk." she says moving away from him. "The only time I can even tolerate you when you're drunk is if we're with friends, or we're both drunk. I don't want to deal with this right now." He grabs her arm._

_"I'm not as drunk as you think." he says to her. She looks at him with sadness in her eyes. She pulls her arm away from him._

"Stop Derek. I don't need to deal with this right now." she says as she pulls away from him.

"I love you. I love our baby." he says. She turns to him.

"Not right now." she says moving to walk out. He grits his teeth.

"Stop! I'm sober enough to know that this about you feeling hurt! Why are you even here? If you didn't come here to stay, then why did you come? To give me hope? Is that it?" he yells at her. She turns to him.

"What the hell Derek! You know I wouldn't do that to you. I came here to talk, but you aren't a good state to talk. I'm leaving." she says. He grabs her arm again and turns her around. He presses his body against her's and looks her strait in the eye.

"Talk." he says. She bites her lip.

"I hate what you asked me to do." she says. "I hate that you even thought of it. I hate that you didn't even acknowledge our baby when we were texting. I hate that you didn't even seem to care about it. I hate that I can't have that wonder of being able to tell you I'm pregnant with out being terrified of how you'll react. I hate that I can't tell you with out watching the light almost disappear from your eyes. Like this is the worst thing that could happen to us. I hate it." she says. He looks down in a bit of shame.

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you that. It isn't what you deserve. It was just scary. It was horrible for me to have said that. Horrible. I'm sorry Em. How do you want me to make that up to you?" he asks. "Do you want me to show you what I did yesterday? Last night. Let me prove it to you." he says taking her hand.

"What are you talking about?" she asks.

"Stop fighting me. Let me show you." he says turning her. He pulls her upstairs, and she follows curiously. He pulls her to the white door of the nursery. She looks at him curiously. He opens the door and she gasps walking in. The room was painted a light shade of green. A white trim. "I though green was a nice unisex color." he says. She gasps and turns to him.

"I...I...Derek but what if..." she can't bring herself to say it. He shakes his head.

"Then this can be for the baby JJ will have. I just want you to be happy. We just need to be happy." he says. He wraps his arms around her waist from behind and she puts a hand to her mouth. She feels the tears start to come when she puts her hand to the wall. She turns to him, and she bites her lip.

"You really do want this?" she asks. He smiles, and puts his hand on her stomach.

"I do. I want it all. I'm so happy. Yes, I'm scared, but I'm so happy." he says. Her lip trembles and she starts to cry.

"I hate these fucking hormones." she cries. Derek smiles, and puts his hand on her neck. He leans in and captures her bottom lip between his. She wraps her arms around his neck and holds him tight. She moves her lips from his and nuzzles his neck as she holds him. "I'm scared too." she says. He nods.

"Lets go to the doctor first and then we can...we can get everything figured out." he says. "I love you so much." he says. He moves away from her and they both look at her stomach. "I love you so much too." he says placing a hand on her stomach. Emily lets out a little smile.

"I need to call the doctor." she says quickly. He stops her.

"I'll do it. Go lay down on the mattress downstairs. I will go get some dinner, and I will call the doctor. Just...lay down, and maybe read...I don't know. Relax. I wanna take care of the both of you." he says. "What do you want from the diner?" he asks. She smiles a big smile.

"I don't know what I can have while pregnant, but...bacon cheeseburger sounds...so good right now. Mmm...home-fries too. Please?" she asks poking her lip out. Looking adorable. He kisses her lips, and smiles.

"I think that can be arranged. I'll call JJ and ask." he says. He kisses her again, and they head downstairs. "Living next to this diner is going to kill us." he says. She smiles.

"I agree. I just hate that now I'm pregnant I won't be able to finish the house. Too much heavy lifting and the paint fumes." she says. She sighs. He smiles, and takes her hand.

"It's almost finished. You did most of the work anyways." he says. She nods.

"Hurry up and go. I'm hungry." she says.

* * *

"Hey, sugar! Where's your girl?" Sally asks. Derek smiles.

"Sitting at the house waiting for the bacon cheeseburger and home-fries she's been wanting for." he says with a chuckle. He thought about telling her, but because he didn't know anything specific yet he wasn't going to get her excited. He had called the doctor on his way there and they had an appointment in the morning. He smiled because it was really just better. He smiled when Sally gave him his orders, a chocolate milkshake to go with it. She smiles and stares at Derek for a minute.

"You look happier than you've been...I'm glad you guys have found love." she says with a smile. He chuckles a bit.

"Well...it took hard work to get to her...I'm happy too." he says. Sally smiles.

"Only shame is I wanted you all to myself." she laughs. Derek shakes his head.

"Well, sexy lady you can still have me.." he says to her. She just laughs and shakes her head.

"Tell your girl I said hi!" Sally yells to him on his way out.

When Derek walks into the house he looks at the mattress. His, "girl" as Sally called her, laying there sleeping and sprawled out. He shook his head, and crawled over the mattress. One thing he also noticed was the fact she was naked. Super naked. He moved up and over her, then he laid some kisses on her neck. She smiled when she felt him starting to bite and pick at a spot on her lower chest. On her breast. He was marking her...or maybe making sure she didn't wear low cut shirts to work. She was teaching a class tomorrow. Somehow Hotch, and Clyde made sure that she was getting what she wanted. She smiled a bit thinking about how spoiled she was being. Clyde wanted her here, but he knew that Interpol wasn't really were she wanted to be. Her and Rossi talked about it, and he says he loves to teach. She talked to him a bit more, and he gave her that look that made her think he had a hand in this too. She didn't mind though. It just showed how many people love, and care for her.

Derek comes back up when he hears her giggle. She looks down at him. "Hungry." she says softly. He shakes his head.

"Food." he says as he hands her the box of food and her milkshake.

"You got me a milkshake!" she says with a bright smile. He laughs.

"Yes, I did." he says. She leans down and kisses him.

"I love you so much." she says. She puts the box on the mattress and bring the burger to her mouth. Taking the biggest bite he'd ever seen. He laughs out loud.

"That was...gorgeous. A princess' bite." he says. She chews and gives him a look. When all the food in her mouth is gone she smiles and leans over.

"I'll show you a princess' bite." she says in his ear. He smiles and kisses her lips.

"Maybe later. You have to eat." he says. She smiles and pushes her box to the side.

"I wanna eat something else." she says kissing his neck moving down his chest.

"No...you have to eat a burger...then we can play." he says. She smiles and takes another bite of her burger, not really wanting her food anymore. They were always like that. The sex had always been the best thing in the world. Mostly because they knew each other inside and out. They'd always chose each other after other people. The amount of people they cheated on with each other was a sad, and long list. She had boyfriends, he even had a few girlfriends...they could never stay away from each other though. They always seemed to circle back to each other.

_"I uh...I can't...I um...have a date." she says softly as they stand at the counter making their morning coffee. _

_"You have a date?" he asks. She doesn't miss the disappointment in his voice. _

_"Yeah..." she says breathlessly. She didn't want to hurt him. "Derek...what we do is about comfort. You know why people can't know." she says. He nods._

_"How many dates will this have been?" he asks. "First, second..." she finishes for him._

_"Fourth." she says. She bites her lip. Why can't you lie like a fucking normal person?! She asks herself in her head. _

_"Four?" he asks surprised. Usually she goes on one, then it's back to his house...his bed._

_"Um...yeah...it's getting kind of serious." she says. He nods._

_"Who is he?" Derek can't help but be curious. _

_"His name is Jason, and he is a doctor. JJ knows him." Emily says quietly. Why can't this end?_

_"That's cool. How serious?" he asks. She sighs. _

_"Derek.." she wants to stop him._

_"I just need to know...have you all had sex yet?" he asks. She turns her head. There is a long, long silence before she speaks, knowing he got the message. _

_"I'm sorry Derek. We aren't in a real relationship. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life." she says. You don't have to be, you can be with me. Derek thinks silently. _

_"I know. It's fine." he says. "We should...probably stop for the time being then." he says. She nods. _

_"He is a really nice guy...I don't want to hurt him." Emily says. Derek nods and walks away. Three weeks. Three weeks was all it took before they were talking again. She lay on her bed with Jason, and bites her lip. Her and Derek hadn't been talking much lately. Last week they were doing a session in the gym, and it ended up being...well they ended up denting a few lockers. She reached over to her bedside table, and stared at her phone for a minute. She picked it up and held it. _

_'Hey' she typed slowly into the text box. Derek Morgan's name written in the box above it. She pressed send and it didn't take long for a reply. _

_'Hey princess.' he says. She bites her lip. _

_'I miss you.' she writes. She kicks herself for writing it. _

_'Emily...you know why you can't do this.' he writes. She sighs._

_'I miss you though.' she says. _

_'Call me' he writes. 'I hate texting.' he says. She looks next to her and it takes her forever to write back. 'He's there. Go downstairs or something.' he says. She sighs. She slowly gets up and walks down stairs. She faces herself toward the stairwell so she can see if Jason decides to come down. She pushes number 1 on her speed dial. _

_"Hey..." she says when he picks up. It was in a bit of a whisper._

_"Em...what are you doing?" he asks. She sighs._

_"I miss you." she says softly. _

_"I miss you too, but you're in a relationship. What about you being tired of being lonely?" he asks her getting frustrated. _

_"I...I don't know." I love you. That's the problem. She thinks to herself. "I just miss you." she says. He sighs, and looks at the clock next to his table. _

_"Then come over." he says. He hates himself for being so weak but he misses her too. _

_"I...I..." she stumbles before taking a big breath. "Okay." she says. She bites her lip, and goes back upstairs. Jason was being an ass earlier. He was mean to Penelope. Who is mean to Penelope? She sighed. She didn't need him anyways. He was a bit controlling. She puts her clothes on and writes a note about being called out on a case. She went over to Derek's house that night. They just talked. He held her. Then there was a kiss...a kiss from her. "He doesn't treat me like you do." she says quietly. Derek sighs._

_"Then leave him." he says. Emily bites her lip and looks down. She looks back up, and then they make love. Her never answering his question. It went on for two weeks. Then they hit another weakness. Jason found out. Emily felt horrible. She loved Derek though. She knew she did. She had said it. She hated that she did. He will always want her for her body...never for her heart._

* * *

Emily stares off into space thinking about those times that Derek had left her bed in the morning, and the times she cheated on her boyfriends with him. She smiles a bit though. That's over now though. He'll always be there when she wakes. She puts her now empty box down, and pushes it to the side. She leans over and takes his away too. She flips him over so he's on his back and looks down at him. "I love you." she says. He smiles, and looks into her eyes thinking about how lucky he is.

"I love you too." he whispers. She moves the blanket off her body, and he stares at her. He's seen her so many times before, but...but now he knew that soon she would be swollen with his child. Hopefully. They kissed and she sighed. They made love well into the day before it was time to go back home. Their current home. When they get home he sighs when he hears his ringing phone. They're on the couch. He's laying on top of her. Head on her chest. Her bare legs wrapped around his waist. She groans too.

"I don't want you to go. We have a doctors appointment Tuesday." she frowns. He sighs.

"I'll try my hardest to solve this case in two days. I hate being called in on my pretty Sunday afternoons." he says. "I also get to miss my pretty princess." he says. He answers the ringing phone. "Morgan." he says as he leans forward. He looks down at his girlfriend, who is naked underneath him, and bites his lip. He listens to JJ ramble about something. Emily leans forward, and kisses his chest. He wraps his arms around her and flips them over. He immediately regrets it when she starts to move her head lower, and lower. He tries to stop her, but he can't with one hand. "Em...Emily...stop..." he says turning the phone away. He lets out a yelp when Emily reaching her destination.

"Hey! Derek, are you listening?" JJ asks over the line. He closes his eyes, and leans his head back. Emily lets go of him, and comes back up. "Derek? Are you there?" she asks.

"Yeah...I'm here." he says as Emily takes a hold of him with her hand. "I'll see you in thirty." he says. He hangs up quickly, and pulls her to his lips. "That was mean." he says with a smile. She smiles too.

"Oh really? I thought it was fun." she said licking her lips. His eyes widen.

"I have to go get ready for work." he says. She laughs a bit when he gets up.

"Better take a cold shower first." she says with a laugh. She puts on her own robe, and waits for him. Soon enough he comes downstairs and she smiles at him. He walks over and kisses her quickly. "Be safe! Call if you need anything." she says. He frowns a bit.

"I really wish I could've sent you off to school tomorrow." he says. She shrugs.

"You can spend everyday sending me off to school if I keep this job. I'll tell Rossi that he MUST have you back to me by Tuesday!" she says. He smiles, and kisses her another quick kiss.

"What makes you think he'll listen to you?" he asks. She smiles.

"Because I happen to know that him and my mother hook up every time she comes around, and sometimes he goes to see her. Therefor I can just...find out all of his dark secrets from my mother." Emily says. Derek laughs.

"Ew. Rossi and your mom." he says. She laughs.

"I know. It's gross. I want them to fall in love and get married. I don't think that's gonna happen though." she says. Derek laughs again.

"I don't! Being David Rossi's son in law would be scary." he says. He kisses her again, and moves a piece of hair from her face. "I love you." he says pushing his nose against hers. She smiles.

"I love you too." she whispers. "Be safe. We need you." she says with a hand on her stomach. He smiles and leans down to her stomach.

"And I love you too..." he says rubbing her stomach. She smiles and he leaves. She bites her lip and stares at the big house she's all alone in again.

**Again I apologize. I will update faster I swear! I really love all you guys! You make writing fun! REVIEW please!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks for the sweet reviews regarding the story, and my week!(: ENJOY!**

"Hi. I'm Dominic Hart. I work across the hall. You're new." he says with a charming smile. Emily laughs a bit.

"Yeah. Very new. I'm Emily Prentiss." she says holding out her hand. His eyes widen in surprise.

"Wow...I just...never thought I'd get to meet you." he says with a smile. "I thought you were just a story people made up." she sighs and bites her lip.

"So...everyone knows then." she says. She expected it. She just wanted to avoid it.

"Well, not many Agents die then magically reappear." he says. She nods, but keeps her mouth shut. "I'm kind of lost. It's my first day teaching here. I'm replacing...a Prof. Kramer?" she asks. He nods.

"Jennifer. Yeah, she took a new job. Won't be here a lot. Is this a trial?" he asks. Emily nods.

"Kramer will be will be back I think Wednesday. I'm just here to take a run at teaching so I can prove I'm qualified and so on." she says. He smiles.

"Ahh...I see. So, do you have maybe a hus-" she stops him with her smile, and a nod.

"Yes. Yes, I do have someone. He's amazing, and no we aren't married...we will be though. Thanks for showing me to the room." she says. Dominic smiles at her, and watches her enter her class room.

"No problem." he yells to her. She throws a smile over her shoulder and gulps. _Good luck baby. I know you'll do great. 3 (: _She reads the message and blushes a bit. She bites her lip, and watches as the first kid walks in. He's tall and skinny. Reminds her a bit of Reid. He smiles at her. The next ones that come in give her a weird look. She notices that all the boys smile, and all the girls look curious. She stands up in front of the class.

* * *

The day went well. A few questions about the whole Doyle thing, but besides that not much. Apparently she was talk of the school though. The new hot teacher who is also the Agent that rose from the dead. She'd been hit on more than once. She really enjoyed teaching though. Most of the kids were mature adults. Wanting to be there. They paid attention, and were alert. She was happy to see such a good group of kids joining the bureau. She didn't want to tell anyone about her pregnancy just yet though. She wanted to wait for that. At least until the doctors appointment. Tomorrow. That Derek probably won't be back in time for. She sighs. She holds the grocery bags as she walks through the door of the house. Greeted by Clooney at the door. "Hey buddy!" she says to him. Sergio meows from the bookshelf. She walks over and pets him. The phone starts to ring, and she groans. She lays her bags on the table, and picks it up. She smiles a bit and answers.

"Hey baby." he says. His voice sounds tired, and rough.

"Hey...you sound tired." she says. He sighs.

"Yeah. Hotch just sent us back to our rooms for some rest. I'm sorry, but I won't be able to make it tomorrow." he says. She nods even though he can't see her.

"I figured." she says softly.

"How was your day?" he asks her. She shrugs, even though he can't see her.

"It was pretty good. I really enjoyed the teaching part, not so much the whole 'the new teacher is super hot' ogling." she says with a small laugh. He chuckles too.

"Well, they can't help it. Miss Prentiss has got those sexy legs, and them yummy boobs, and that ass...let me tell ya." he says getting her to giggle.

"Yeah...sure." she says with a laugh laying on the couch. Holding the pillow that smells like him. "How long till you'll be home?" she asks. She can hear the sigh he gives.

"I don't know princess. This one is a rough one." he says. She silently nods.

"Well...I miss you." she says. "We miss you." she adds looking at her stomach. Which is only a teeny tiny bit bigger than it was yesterday. She bites her lip.

"I miss you guys too." he says softly. "I love you so much. Never forget that." he says. She smiles at his words.

"I know. I just...I hate being alone." she says with a sigh. Sergio jumps up on the couch, and curls into her chest. She smiles and pets him. "I mean, I have Serg and Cloony but...it's still...lonely." she says. "I guess I got spoiled with your presence." she says. She would call a friend, but all of her friends are with her boyfriend right now. All except one.

"You could go see Garcia. We haven't needed her much for this case yet. She should be sitting at the office waiting for a call or something." he says. She smiles.

"I may just do that tomorrow after the appointment." she says. "I really like the teaching thing. The students seem to understand it well." she says. He whispers a yeah. "If you want I can cancel the appointment tomorrow." she says. He speaks quickly.

"No baby. I really can't wait any longer. We'll go when I get back." he says. "Go tomorrow, it'll be fine." Suddenly it hit her. What if he can't make any of the appointments? She shrugs it off, and puts a smile on.

"Okay. I'll call after." she says softly. "You should sleep. You sound exhausted." she says. He chuckles a bit.

"Well...I think I've been spoiled too. I miss you in my arms." he says. She smiles.

"Same here. It's hard to sleep without you." she admits. _I keep thinking about my lonely nights in Paris. _She thinks to herself. She shrugs it off. He can never, ever, ever know about the things she did in Paris to feel less alone. To forget. She bites her lip suddenly feeling shame. "Goodnight Derek." she whispers. She can hear the smile through his voice.

"Goodnight princess. I love you." he says. She smiles.

"Je'taime aussi." she says. She hangs up the phone and goes to the kitchen to make herself dinner. She's in a pasta mood. She eats her dinner sitting at the table, suddenly feeling very very alone. She can't help but think that this is how Haley must have felt, before Jack came along. Maybe how Beth sometimes feels now. Even Will. She eats her dinner, and goes upstairs for a bath. She turns on the water, not too hot as the book said. She puts bubbles in it too, she had also read that wasn't harmful. She puts her hair in a messy up-do then lights candles. She plays Stevie Nicks radio on her Pandora. She loves this station. It's a revolving door of Stevie, Tom Petty, and the Beatles. She loves it. Kind Of Woman plays on the speakers. She sings along to it softly, and closes her eyes. She used to do this in Paris too...before she got involved with her old friends. The powder that made you forget. Lauren was big then. Telling her to do things. Being her conscience. She closes her eyes, and sighs. The memories are too strong to push away.

_Emily was walking down the streets at midnight. Her hair swooped to the side. Just walking. She licks her lips as she sees the bar. She walks in slowly, and looks at all the people standing around. She walks to the bar, and the hansom bar tender smiles at her. She orders her drink, scotch. Only because it makes her feel like she's drinking with Rossi again. She bites her lip. Trying to hold back the tears. Little did she know, they were already falling. She felt a hand on her chin, and he face rose to meet the hansom bartenders face. "Oh ma belle femme pourquoi pleures-tu?" Oh my beautiful woman, why are you_ crying? _He asks her. She wipes her tears away quickly. _

_"Je ne veux pas vraiment en parler." I don't really want to talk about_ it. _She tells him. He nods then studies her for a minute. He leaves her to drink. At the end of the night she is almost falling down drunk. She's smiling and flirting. Soon enough the bartender leans down to whisper in her ear. _

_"Lucas peut faire mieux pour vous. Suivez-moi?" he says. He has something. Something that will make her feel better. She looks at him, and stares at him for a minute. What was he offering? Sex? She could go along with that. If she closed her eyes and pretended it was Derek. He was offering her his hand. She bit her lip and stood on unsteady feet. He took her hand and led her upstairs. She looked around and was very aware. She hadn't forgot her training. She just wanted to hurt less like he said. Feel better. She bit her lip harder when she walked in. She turned to him after her eyes widened. A table full of people. White powder on the table. A rolled up dollar bill, and another bag of pills next to them. She licks her lips. She wanted some. She watched a girl lean over and snort the powder into her nose. She craved it now. She hadn't had it in so long. So many years. She reached out her hand and the girl smiled flirtatiously. She crooked her finger, and Emily walked toward her. She handed Emily the dollar bill and Emily stared at it. Lucas, the bartender, came up behind her and pushed her forward so she braced herself on the table. Her face now so close to what she desired.  
_

Emily snapped out of it, and she felt her heart beating. She thought she was over that stuff. She is. She has to be. Her counselor from when she was a kid said she would crave it all the time. All the time. She put a hand on her stomach and thought of Derek. She smiled then. She didn't need to forget anymore. She didn't want to forget anymore. She never wanted to forget this. She grabbed her phone and smirked. She turned onto her stomach and folded her knees up behind her. She put on an adorable pout and made sure she was cover modestly by the bubbles and water. She sent it to Derek with _I miss you _written next to it with a winky face. She laughed at her self, and got out of the tub. She slipped her robe on, and snapped another sexy shot of herself in the mirror. _I really miss you. _Written underneath it. She smiles, and laughs at herself again. She lays down on the bed, and curls up onto his side of the bed. Trying to save his scent. Trying to remember him.

* * *

"JJ, Reid go talk to the mother of the last victim. Rossi go over the file again. Morgan come with me to the last crime scene." he says. Everybody moves and Derek follows Hotch to the car. They both lay their phones down in the console then they started to drive. When they parked a phone vibrated. It was about 6 in the morning. He opened the phone and looked at the messages. He went red, but the rest of him paled. Derek looked at him in confusion, then looked at the phone in his hand. It wasn't his. Hotch had his. He snatches the phone from Hotch's hand and bursts out laughing. Emily, clad in some bubbles, then a loosely tied robe. That sexy smirk on her face. He looked at Hotch who was still red. Hotch smirked a bit. "If you tell her about that she'll tease me forever." he says. "You're a...a lucky guy." he stutters. He gets out of the car, and Derek watches him take a deep breath. Derek laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed. _Hotch just said that. Hotch just said that. Hotch just said that. HE WAS FUCKING SMIRKING! _Derek laughed a bit more. He got out of the car, and took a deep breath. Smiles were gone, until later, and they were ready to interview this victim. The look on Hotch's face was priceless.

* * *

Emily smiled as she woke. She had sent Derek a Good Morning message. She got herself ready and looked at the clock. It was 9. She had an appointment at 10. She was feeling tired today. She put her hair up, and put on some jeans and a t-shirt. She got in her car. Got some breakfast, and started to drive to the doctor's office. Her hands were shaky and she bit her lip trying not to think of how nice it would be to have Derek hold her hand to calm her. She really needed him. Her nails were in her mouth, and she sighs. Her name was called and she sent a quick text to Derek. She closed her eyes and smiled at her doctor. "So...did you talk about the surrogacy with Derek? How is that going?" Emily let out a breathy laugh.

"Well...we went to see a doctor. We had a surrogate all ready, and three of the eggs have been fertilized. Problem. I'm...I'm kind of pregnant." Emily says with a small breathy laugh. The doctors eyes widen.

"Um...we've talked about the risks, and I'm sure the surrogacy doctor talked to you. Are you sure you want this? Does Derek want this?" Dr. Rebecca Maddeningly, also a woman that has become a friend over the years, threw out all the questions lightning fast.

"Yes. I want this. Yes. He wants this. We both want this and we will both try everything in our power to make this go as smoothly as possible." she says. Emily smiles a bit, and puts her hand to her stomach.

"Do you want too...have this checked out?" the doctor asks. Emily nods, and smiles. "Where is your hunk of a man?" Rebecca asked. Emily gave a sad smile.

"On a case. He wanted to try and make it, but...serial killers don't care about a cops baby." Emily says matter-of-factly. She smiles a bit and puts her hand on her stomach. When she gets to the sonogram she bites her lip. She lays down on the table, and her shirt gets pulled up.

"This is going to be a bit cold." Rebecca says. Emily closes her eyes and soon she saw a blob on the screen. A heart-beat filled the room and she gasped. She put a hand to her mouth and she took her phone out. She hit record and the doctor smiled at her.

"Hey...Um...that's our baby's heart beat." she says tears pouring from her eyes. "Isn't it beautiful?" she asks. "There's a little blob on the screen. Our precious little blob. I...Derek I love you so much. I miss you. We wish you were here, but I understand why you're gone. Get the guy for us, and come home so I can show you this wonderful little miracle." she says. She hits stop recording, and the doctor gives her a moment. She closes her eyes and the smile spreads across her face. She gasps out sobs. The doctor helps her out with her shirt, and she turned to the woman. "What...what can I do to...what can I do to make sure this happens? I'll take every precaution. I will do nothing but sit on my ass. I will have a c-section. I don't give a damn. I need this." she says looking down and rubbing her stomach. The doctor smiles.

"Take it easy. Very easy. Right now it's okay for you to do minor stuff. You can go to work, but when you start to grow...I say about 16 weeks, you're on bed rest. Weekly check-ups." she says. Emily nods.

"I understand. I'll do it. I promise." Emily says. She smiles at her phone, and hits send.

* * *

_"Hey...um..that's our baby's heart beat. Isn't it beautiful? There's a little blob on the screen. Our precious little blob. I...Derek I love you so much. I miss you. We wish you were here, but I understand why you're gone. Get the guy for us, and come home so I can show you this wonderful little miracle." _Emily says as she pours tears. The heart beat he hears makes his heart swell. He sits down in his chair and a cop from the station peaks over his shoulder.

"Is that your wife?" he asks. Derek just stares at the screen and wipes away his tears.

"My girlfriend." he says barely. "I...she's having our baby, and I missed the first appointment to be here. That's it's heart beat." Derek says through tears. "It's amazing." he hits replay, and the cop smiles and pats his back. He thinks he hears a congrats, but he's too focused on the woman he loves. "I love you guys too." he chokes out. He smiles, and bites his lip. He loved them so much.

**Wow. I teared up writing that chapter. I really wanted Derek to hear the heartbeat. If phones, and technology mess up ultrasounds then lets pretend they don't because that was adorable! Hope you enjoyed! I did. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!(':**


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks for all the reviews once more! I really enjoy them. I totally looked over the fact I didn't say anything about the whole surrogate thing. JJ is not pregnant. The way the process worked was the egg and the sperm get taken and fertilized in a lab then they get inserted, for lack of a better term, into the surrogate. The eggs were fertilized but they weren't inserted into JJ. I'm sorry that didn't come across! JJ is not pregnant. The only baby is Emily's. Sorry for those who were hoping for a double baby miracle. ALSO, in my story, only because I didn't think of it till now. Strauss died already and David is healing with the loss of her. ENJOY!**

"Honey! I'm home." he says. He watches his girlfriend run to him. She smiles, and jumps on him. She'd been waiting for him for four days after that day. It was 3 o'clock in the morning.

"I missed you." she says keeping her arms wrapped around him. He smiles back at her.

"I saw. Those were...amazing pictures you sent. That video was...it was perfect." he says. She smiles, and he looks at her stomach. "How has our little blob been doing?" he asks. She smiles.

"Just fine so far. I hope we've got a small, tough baby. If it doesn't grow too big then we should be okay. I talked to Dr. Maddeningly a bit after. She said that if...if the baby starts to get to big, there is a chance they could do an emergency c-section, and then...then we would have to wait and see. No matter what I will have to get a c-section. Putting pressure may open the wounds. Stuff like that." she says. He looks at her and nods. "I'm kind of scared." she says softly. He nods.

"Me too, but if anyone can do it...we can. That's the strongest, most stubborn, crazy beautiful baby in the whole world in your tummy. With our DNA you never know...you may birth a super hero." he says. She lets out a"or laugh. She leans forward, and nuzzles her nose with his. "What's with you being a monkey today?" he asks. She smiles, and kisses him quickly.

"I don't know. I like being a monkey." she says. "Or maybe I just like to climb my man. I said I missed you." she says laying hot open-mouthed kisses on his neck. He grins. "Are you too tired? It's okay if you are...I did miss you though...in many different ways." she says with a giggle.

"Definitely not too tired." he says. He lays her on the couch, and she smiles. He carries her upstairs, and she laughs when he places her on the bed and strips down in front of her. She yanks down her shorts, and pulls off her t-shirt leaving her very naked. He smiled and crawled over top of her.

* * *

After a few hours of making love and a couple of sleeping, Emily smiled and stood up from under the covers. She padded across the floor, and slipped her robe on. The morning sickness had stopped for a while now, it never had hit her too hard except for a few days when it hit her badly. It was about six o'clock in the morning now. She smiles really big when she looks at her stomach. It hadn't formed a bump yet...which was a good thing...but there was a slight curve. Which may have been just her imagination. It was rock hard and she was so excited. Next week it would be 10 weeks of pregnancy. She was so excited for all of it to start. She was so, so ready for this. She just wanted the first trimester to end so she could stop worrying that she'd miscarry. She went to the kitchen and made herself breakfast. Time to start eating right. JJ said that the bacon cheeseburger was fine, but not to make it a habit. A bowl of oatmeal with blueberries. She poured herself a glass of milk and sat at the kitchen island. She heard a door shut, and she smiled when she heard him coming down the stairs. "Morning princess." she hears she smiles.

"Morning yourself hansom." she says taking a bite. He smiles at what she's eating and wraps his arms around her.

"How are you and blob doing this morning?" he asks. She lets out a laugh.

"Good. Please, do not call our baby blob. I'm begging you." she says with a chuckle. He kisses her neck.

"Well...we have to call it something. We can't just keep saying the baby." he says. "I like blob." he laughs.

"I do not. We should find something to call her." Emily says with a light smile. Not noticing her mistake.

"Her?" he asks with eye brows raised as he sits next to her. Emily bites her lip.

"Did I say 'her'?" she asks with wide eyes. Derek chuckles and nods. "I don't know. I just...whenever I imagined us having a baby...I always see a girl." she admits.

"You imagined us having a baby?" he asks. She gives a shy smile.

"Yeah...nights when I was really upset, or missing you...or even the times in Paris when I imagined coming home to you." she says. She takes another bite as she turns away from him. He grabs her hand, and takes it in his lacing their fingers together. He kisses their hands and nuzzled it with his nose for a minute.

"I imagined you coming back too. Being with you like this. Then I thought it was impossible. Now I'm so happy everyday that it isn't." he says. She smiles. "Sooo what do you want to call it?" he asks. She smirks.

"I've tried a few. Peanut. Nugget. I can't seem to find one though." she says. He smiles.

"How about we name it after it's mama?" he asks. She looks at him in confusion as he stands and walks closer to the messy-haired woman.

"Emily? Princess? That'd get confusing." she says with a confused laugh. He smiles and shakes his head.

"I was thinking Monkey." he said. Her jaw drops for a moment and she let out a laugh. She looked down, and smiled.

"Monkey?" she said as she looked down. _Monkey girl. _Emily smiled at her thought. It was way to early to assume it was a girl, she told herself. The thought wouldn't leave her mind though. "Monkey." she said with a smile. "I actually like that." she says. He smiles.

"See! I have good ideas sometimes." he says. She laughs.

"You have good ideas a lot of times Derek Morgan." she says leaning to kiss him. "What are we doing today?" she asks him. He smiles and shrugs.

"I thought about working on the house." he says. She smiles.

"I was thinking the same thing." she says. He gives her a look for a minute. "I don't have to work on the house but I can...garden or something." she says. He lets out a chuckle.

"Okay. I'm fine with that. Everything's done except for the kitchen and the attic." he says. "We could...we could probably start buying furniture for it soon. I'd say in about two months we could be moved in." she smiled even wider.

"Do you think?" she asks looking at him. He nods.

"Yeah...if we work hard." he says. She jumps up and hugs him. She then bites her lip.

"I was really looking forward to painting the house myself." she frowns. He smiles though.

"I looked it up already because I knew you were going to ask sooner or later." he says. She looks at him with hopeful eyes.

"We'd have to get zero-VOC paint, you have to wear a mask, take breaks, and open every window and door." he says. She nods.

"Thank God. It would've really upset me if I couldn't have. I'll call the doctor just in case. We have to call the surrogacy doctor and tell him the good news. We should consider using a surrogate if we want another one." she says. "He should also...keep those around...just in case." she says not wanting to think about that possibility...or the fact its still a possibility. Derek nodded and kisses her softly.

"We should head to the house. We've got to get a few things before we get to the house." he says with a smile. She nods. They both shower, and get ready.

* * *

Emily stood in the room. Mask on her face. Balcony doors open and paint brush in her hand. The paint color was called _Fr__osted Pomegranate._ A darker shade of red. This was their bedroom. A beautiful spacious room. She smiled when she heard the tools down stairs. She was so happy to be there. She was even happier to be painting. Painting always soothed her. Ever since she was little. Art class was her favorite. She could paint all day. She used too sneak out and paint in the tunnels. "Babe?" Derek yells from downstairs. She turns her head after she's done painting the section she was painting.

"Yeah?" she says. He smiles and wraps his arms around her.

"It's time for your break." he says pulling her mask down and kissing her lips. She smiles. He pulls it back up, and pushes her mask back up. He takes her hand and they make their way downstairs. She takes off the mask and throws it down.

"So...I've got time to kill...wanna kill it with me?" she asks wrapped her arms around him, and leading him to the air mattress. He smiles too, then captures her lips in his. She falls onto the air mattress still in the living room. He kisses her ear, and neck moving down. He pulls her jeans down, and she pulls on his shirt. "I think...this may be a bit...longer than my last break..." she gasps. He smiles.

"Much, much longer." he says. She takes her shirt off, and slides his pants down with her feet. One thing he'll miss after the baby is the insane amount of hot, amazing sex. Not that it will no longer be hot, and amazing; she just won't be jumping him as much. She smiles when they're both naked. He throws the blanket over the both of them, and slides down. She closes her eyes when he starts to lay open mouthed kisses on her stomach. Her eyes rolled back, and she lets out a moan. His mouth hits where she needs him the most. Just then there was a knock on the door. Then it creaked open, and Emily let out a scream. As did the person that opened the door.

* * *

"Can you please stop having sex in the middle of the room? You're really bad at keeping your bed business in the bed." Elizabeth Prentiss says to her daughter. Emily blushes.

"Well! You're really bad at knocking! And calling! And saying hey daughter I'm in town, you really shouldn't have sex on the kitchen floor I may walk in randomly!" Emily says loudly.

"I'm sorry! Alright. Why are you even having sex in the living room at two in the afternoon?!" Elizabeth asks her daughter. Emily's eyes go wide and she bites her lip. _Should I tell her? _"Oh my God you're pregnant." Elizabeth says studying her. Emily's eyes go even wider.

"What the hell? How did you know?" she asks quickly. Elizabeth smiles widely.

"A mother knows! Oh my gosh!" she says leaping over to give Emily a big hug. "I'm gonna be a grandma! What do you think it is? How far along? When did you find out? Why didn't you tell me!?" Elizabeth rants.

"I'm only about 9 weeks. Next week will be the tenth week. I found out a little while ago, but considering the complications we wanted to keep it quiet." Emily says smiling at her mother. Elizabeth hugs her again.

"Oh my God. I'm so happy for you guys." she says smiling. "I have news too." she says with a smile. Emily looks at her.

"I'm going to be living here for a while...hopefully for a long while. I just have to find a place." Elizabeth says. Emily smiles.

"You could stay with Derek and I." Emily proposes. Elizabeth laughs out loud.

"I'd rather not." she says with a laugh. "I'm actually...well I'm staying with David for the time being." Elizabeth says a bit. Emily looks at her in surprise.

"Oh..." Emily says. She bit her lip. "So...what is it with you too?" Emily asks nervously. She was fine with them...getting together, but she didn't want them to be involved.

"Oh...we just...you know...same old thing that's been going on for...50 years." she says with a chuckle. "He was good to us after your father-" Emily cuts her off, and finishes her sentence for her.

"Died." Elizabeth stares at her for a moment, and takes her daughters hand.

"Be careful." she says. Emily nods.

"Derek wouldn't..." Emily replies. Elizabeth nods.

"I know. You're so lucky to have him." she says squeezing her daughters hand. "Come over tonight. David's cooking. You and Derek can tell him about the baby. Maybe we could invite the team or something. If I can recall it's been months since your last dinner with them." she says. "It's something I'd really like to be apart of this time." Elizabeth says. Emily nods and hugs her mother again.

"Good...I'll make sure to CALL ahead of time." Emily says. Elizabeth laughs.

"Well lucky for you I'm to old to do anything on the living room floor. Can't get up after." Emily cringes and then makes a face.

"Ew." Emily says with a chuckle.

* * *

"So, how did your mom and David meet anyways?" Derek asked slipping on his nice black pants, and a button up. She laughed a bit as she chose her underwear. She wanted something sexy, just so Derek would know. She chose and he gasped a little.

"Well...he new...my dad, and he introduced Rossi and my mother. Apparently growing up he was kinda always around. I can't remember him much, but he was there when I was really young. After...my dad." Emily trails off not wanting to talk about this. Derek bit his lip, but took the chance.

"What happened to your dad?" he asks. Emily shrugs.

"He died." she says simply, and a bit snappy. "Look I don't want to talk about him so lets just drop it." she does snap this time. He walks up to her, and places his hands on her arms.

"It's okay baby. I'm sorry for bringing it up." he says kissing her forehead. She slips on her dress and he zips it for her. She smiles. She looks gorgeous. She always looks so gorgeous. He kisses her red lips softly then they take each others hand. "I was thinking we could tell the team. They'll wonder why, you of all people, aren't drinking your favorite Rossi wine." he laughs. She smiles.

"Yeah...you're right." she says. They walk down the stairs, and get in the car.

When they get to Rossi's there are candles lit, and Italian music playing. She hears the happy voices of Hotch, Beth, Elizabeth, and Rossi. They smile, and walk in. She notices that Hotch doesn't quite meet her eye. She's confused for a minute, but lets it go. Beth takes her in a hug and smiles at her. "Emily! You look beautiful!" she says a gleam in her eye. Hotch smiled too, but still wouldn't look at Emily. Derek bursted out laughing remember what Hotch had seen. Not all of Emily, but enough. It was hilarious. He kept his word and hadn't told Emily yet. He was going to after tonight, but he wanted to wait.

"I'm here!" Penelope yelled. "So is the La' Montagne family!" she says. Childless too. Emily smiles, and embraces JJ and Penelope. JJ smiles and nudges her.

"You look amazing Emily." she says. Emily smiles.

"No children tonight, I'm assuming?" Emily asks, and Rossi butts in.

"No, no Bella! Tonight is a purely adult get together." he says laying his hand on Elizabeth's back. Emily smiled, and pretended she didn't see it.

"Where's Reid?" Emily asks. Derek's smile faltered. JJ's did too.

"Last case was tough on him. He said he wasn't sure if he could make it tonight." JJ said. Emily nodded, and got out her phone as everyone sat at the table.

_Hey, buddy. Miss you tonight. Hope you're doing well. If you want we can talk after. I'm Derek wouldn't mind.__ I'm always here for you Spencer. Forever. _She typed out. She smiled, and sent it. Then she took Derek's hand and he led her to the table. Rossi was pouring wine, and she smiled at him. "Bella, got your favorite." he says. She smiles, and then sighs.

"Nessuno per me stasera. Prendo ... acqua, invece." _None for me tonight. I'll take...water instead. _She says winking at him. He studies her for a moment, then his eyes go wide. Her mother smiled too, overhearing the Italian words. Everyone else was talking amongst themselves. David smiled widely and hugged her. He skipped her and poured wine into JJ's glass. Emily took Derek's hand and smiled. Rossi got the water poured in her glass, and she stood. "I have an announcement to make tonight." she said looking at Derek. JJ smiled knowingly. "Some of you know. Some of you don't. I swear I wasn't meaning to keep these things from you. It just all...happened, and...and you all were around at different times. I love you all so much. Derek, and I...we're..." she smiles and puts a hand to her stomach. Everybody smiled knowingly now. Putting things together. Looking at the water in Emily's glass. "Derek and I are expanding our new little family." she says with a chuckle. Penelope wipes a tear away and knocks a few thing over running to Emily.

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!" she says. She then rambles about baby things...such as names, and colors, and how gorgeous they'll be in the outfits she buys. Everyone hugs Emily, even Hotch. It's truly a happy moment. Hotch gives her some tips, as does JJ. The night goes on then the question is asked.

"So...how do you and Elizabeth know each other David?" Beth asks. Emily smirks a bit. Loving this story. Knowing David wouldn't pass up the chance to tell it.

"Well...it all started a few years before Emily..." he says looking at her mother with gleaming eyes.

**Oh! I'm so ready for this story to be told. Such a sweet story. I'm sorry you guys have to wait for it. My brother is snatching the computer away from me, and I didn't want to leave you guys again tonight. Anyways, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Sick day today. Ughers! Anyways, on my sick day I thought I'd write. ENJOY!**

"Well...it_ all started a few years before Emily..." he says looking at her mother with gleaming eyes._

"Working for the government in '65 was...hard." David laughed. "I was standing outside of the embassy, and she was walking out through the doors. She was, so mad, and so beautiful. She walked down the steps, and saw me. I just stared, she did too. I smiled and ran after her. She turned her head, and wouldn't give me the time of day. She was an intern. In college. She had dark brown hair that went down to her hips, and had curl to it. She looked almost exactly like Emily looks today." Derek takes Emily's hand and smiles. "It was a summer day..." he says. "I remember it perfectly. The first words that came out of her mouth were _I'm not interested._" David chuckles.

"With good reason. I could sense the shark in him." Elizabeth says.

"Yeah, but I never stopped thinking. Life went on, then a buddy of mine told me that he had met this woman and she was amazing. They were going to get married. He invited me to be his best man, and I was delighted...until I saw the bride. Long brown hair down to her hips, and a smile on her face. I watched her walk down the isles and I swear she was an angel. She was too beautiful, and too good for any man in that room." he says. Elizabeth blushes. "We saw each other, and she was surprised to say the least. I introduced myself, and she just..." he chuckled a bit. "..she was nice about it, shook my hand. Soon we got to talking and I swear the groom was going to bite my head off." Emily bites her lip trying not to think about the parts David was leaving out. "After I'd heard about..." he paused for a minute.

"Death David. His death. You can say it." Emily says giving David a look. He sighed and looked down.

"After his...death." David said looking Emily in the eye. Their was a small tension in the room, and nobody knew exactly why. They did know Emily was uncomfortable with this part, so they did what they did best. Derek gripped her hand tighter, and they pushed Rossi to move forward. "I heard what had happened and Lizzie and I were friends since the wedding. I went to the house, and I knocked on the door. A five year old girl with dark brown hair, and eyes to go with it. She looked exactly like her mother. She smiled at me, and I smiled back. She was in a bright pink tutu, and butterfly wings with a tiara. I leaned down and I looked her in her eye and I asked what her name was. Then I heard Lizzie yell for her. She was insanely quiet. Wouldn't even tell me her name." he chuckled.

"Emily was a very quiet child. Always had her head in a book, or she was being a ballerina." Elizabeth said with a laugh. Swirling her wine in her glass. "David was so sweet. He walked in and she studied him with that look!" Elizabeth says with a loud laugh. Everybody else laughed too, while Emily blushed. "You all have seen that look. She would just stare at him for a while before deciding whether or not she could trust him. She had that look when she was five." Elizabeth laughed, and shook her head. David smiled.

"Oh yes she did. It was...she was the coolest five year old I'd ever met." David sighed. "I was at the house for...a year and a couple months. Liz and I were...well...I was around. I wrote my first book, and she told me it was okay to leave. I didn't come back until many years later. I felt so bad though. I had heard somethings that had happened in my absence and I couldn't help but think what might've happened if I had stayed with them. Instead of marrying all those women, if I would've just stuck to one. We ran into each other again. Emily must've been...what? Nineteen?" he asks. "We were both in Rome..." he says. Emily shuttered. One place she doesn't ever want to go back to is Rome. "I was married. My second wife, Diane. She was...we were having issues, and I wasn't very good to her. I saw Liz again, and it was like...I was reminded of the woman I'd always wanted but who I thought, and still think is too good for me. Let's just say, Diane wasn't happy when she...saw Liz in our house. Hence...the end of my second marriage." he chuckles. "We always met each other at the wrong times. It was never right with us. Even though I always loved her." he says looking at Elizabeth. She smiled at him, and took his hand.

"I'm going to be...moving in here until my grand baby is born. I may even stay after that...who knows?" she chuckles lightly. David smiled. He reached over and wiped a small tear from Elizabeth's eye. Penelope smiled in awe. "Grand baby." she laughed. David shook his head.

"When I saw her on my team, I couldn't believe it was her. To tell the truth, I was a bit shocked when I caught her in my office profiling me." he says shooting Derek, and Emily a look. Emily smiled, but then frowned. Reid was there too. She hoped he wasn't in any trouble. She knew how that could be. "It was...I was proud watching her. Of course she had no idea how close her mother, and I were until I saw Liz at the office." he says. Emily laughs thinking about that day.

_"Emily? I just...I saw it was lunch time, and I'm in the states again. I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee with me?" Liz asks over the phone._

_"Sure that'll be fine." she says. Twenty minutes later, David Rossi exits his office and leans on the rail. He smiles looking at Emily with her feet up throwing paper clips at Spencer. He hadn't been in the "new" BAU for that long. He was happy it was a good atmosphere. The doors to the office open and his eyes widen in surprise when he watches a tall brunette woman walk in looking official. He moves off the rail, and walks down the stairs. _

_"Elizabeth Prentiss." he says with a smile. Her eyes widen and she wraps him in a long hug. _

_"Oh my gosh! Emily didn't tell me you...I thought you'd retired. I didn't know you..." she laughed, and smiled. Emily watched them from afar. David leaned in and kissed her mom's cheek...well...not really her cheek, more like left of her lips. _

_"I came back to work. I...wow...you look fantastic." he says looking at her. She smiles, and blushes. She turns her head. _

_"You really are a piece of work Dave." she says. _

_"I call it like I see it. You were always beautiful to me though." he says. Emily just watched them. She looked at Derek, who looked at her with a smirk. _

_"I...thanks." she says. He moves his hand, and moves a piece of hair away from her face. _

Emily smiled and looked at her glass, and gripped Derek's hand. Derek leaned over, and whispered in her ear. "You okay?" he asks. Emily smiles and nods.

"Yeah...just...I'll be fine." she says with a smile. She leans on him, and nuzzles his shoulders. They continued to laugh, and talk for the rest of the night. Hotch and Beth, along with JJ and Will stood up.

"We've got to go relieve Jessica from the boys." Hotch says with a smile. Everyone stands with them. Penelope smiles.

"Yeah...I should be getting home too." Penelope says. Emily laughs, and shakes her head. "I'll call a cab." she says with a smile.

"Are you sure you don't want to just stay the night?" David asks. Penelope smiles and nods.

"Yeah..it's fine." she says winking at them. Elizabeth just laughed as she gathered the plates. Emily stood, and hugged everyone good bye. Most of them giving her a sincere congrats. JJ and Penelope hugging her at the same time. Huddling together. Girls night was next Friday, discussed and planned. Looks were given to Hotch about making sure it isn't disrupted by serial killers. After everyone was gone, Emily and Derek stood in the kitchen with Rossi and her mother.

"Thanks...for tonight. I had a good time." Emily says. Derek smiled too, and wrapped his arms around her. He was drunk enough. She laughed to herself when she thought of who was driving home tonight.

"I can't believe you're having a baby." David says with a smile. "I remember that little girl. It makes me smile to think of another little one running around in a tutu and butterfly wings." David says holding her hands. Elizabeth smiled and shook her head.

"How do you think I feel?" Elizabeth laughed. "Gosh, you're gonna get to go through all the hell I did." she laughed. She then took a deep breath, and bit her lip. A wave of guilt washed over her. _Emily would've had a better life if I had been there_ she thought. David took her hand and she was comforted a bit. Emily smiled at her.

"We should probably be getting home. I may drive by Reid's place after I drop Derek off. Just to check on him." she says. David nods.

"He's been having issues lately." Rossi says. She nods.

"I just want to see him." Emily says. Rossi nods.

* * *

"Reid?" she asks as she knocks. Reid opens the door to find Emily standing in his doorway. He smiles, and hugs her.

"Hey Emily. I'm sorry I didn't make it to dinner." he says. Emily nods.

"It's okay Spencer." she says. "Why didn't you want to come?" she asks as he opens the door wider to let her in. Reid shrugs. "Come on. I came here to be a friend." she says.

"I don't know. Things have just been...tougher lately." he says. "Cases just seem too get...worse I guess." she nods.

"I know. Are you...did you think about..." she can't really say it out loud. He shrugs.

"Em...I think about it most of the time." he says. Emily nods.

"Don't I get that. The other night I was in the bath, and I couldn't stop thinking about it." she says. He nods.

"It's been stronger lately. Hard to resist." he says. She takes his hand.

"You can't go down that road again. You know why." she says. He nods.

"Did you...have you ever...fallen off the wagon?" he says not sure if that term is correct. She laughs a bit at how awkward the phrase is. She bites her lip.

"Did I ever tell you about my time in Paris?" she asks him. He shakes his head no.

"Did you?" he asks. She lets out a breathy chuckle.

"A lot. I spent the first month alone in a motel room, then I started to go out. I found a bar. Drank too much. Bar tender took me to a...a room. I gave in...I did so much for the next couple months. I almost died three times. It was...it was really bad Spence." she says wiping a tear away. "At the end though I realized that I needed to focus on coming home to Derek, and my family." she says biting her lip. Paris was easily one of the worst times in her life.

"You did drugs? What did you do there?" he asks. She curled into a ball in the chair across from the one he was sitting in.

"It started with coke. Then it became heroine and...so much more. It took a long time in rehab for me to...I spent 7 months in Paris. The first was spent drinking, the next four were spent doing drugs...the last two were getting over the addictions. It was hell. Everyday, but I was better. That's what mattered." she says. "I was better, and yes I do want it more than anything sometimes. When Derek and I fight, when the team resented me for lying...I just wanted to crush up my pills and snort them..." she says. Spencer sighs.

"You mean when I was angry with you. That's when you wanted to do drugs." he says. She shakes her head no, and takes his hand.

"You being mad at me...that's why. Not you. I didn't do drugs. I was strong, and I pushed through the pain. No matter how strong." she says. He nods.

"I know." he says.

"You know...you were the only one that I told, ever, about my addictions. No one else knew. My mother didn't even know the things I've done. It was bad Spencer." she says. "You're strong Spence." she says. He nods. "We're a lot more alike than you think." she says. He nods.

"I noticed that." he says. She smiles a bit. They both had no siblings, both of their dad's left, their mom's were never around (hers physically, his mentally), they both got hooked on drugs...they knew each other well.

"I worry about you." she says. He nods.

"I know you do." he says. She smiles, and puts her hand on her stomach.

"I forgot to tell you..." she says with a smirk. He looks up, and then looks at her hand on her stomach.

"What did you forget to tell me?" he asks. She smiles a bit.

"Derek and I...we're...we're having a baby." she says with a smile. His eyes go wide, and he hugs her.

"Oh my gosh! Are you serious?" he asks. She laughs at him.

"Yeah...I'm almost 10 weeks along." she says. He smiles, and laughs a bit.

"I can't believe it." he says. "I'm so happy for you Emily!" he says. She smiles at him.

"I can't believe it either." she says. He then frowns.

"I thought you said that you couldn't get pregnant?" he says. She nods.

"I can I just...there are...issues. It may be...a very scary pregnancy. There are chances of...it could be bad for the both of us, but I have hope that everything will be fine. I'll do everything I can to make sure we're both safe. Derek will make sure of it too." she says. Reid smiles.

"Did you tell them at dinner tonight?" he asks. She nods.

"Yeah...it was one of the first things I said." she says. He smiles.

"Wow...I'm sorry I reacted badly the first time you guys told me...it was just...a shock." he says. She nods.

"I know. I had already lied to you about so much, that was just added. I understand." she says. He shrugs.

"It wasn't that...I mean, I didn't like the fact it was a secret. It was weird. I guess I see him as a brother, and you as a sister. It was odd. I told him that it was because I didn't want him to hurt you, but that wasn't actually why I freaked out. It was just weird. I felt like he was going to take you away from me. He did, but...I've come to accept it, and be happy for you two." he says. She nods.

"That's good Reid, because the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you." she says.

* * *

Emily walked in late. She walked up the stairs, and smiled when she saw him sprawled out on their bed. He had sobered when they got home, but the liquor hadn't worn off completely. He had his boxers on, and was laying on his stomach. The sheets and comforter was kicked to the bottom of the bed, and his arms under his head. She dropped her dress, and kicked off her heels. Her earrings taken out. She didn't bother with removing her make up. She just laid beside him in her underwear and moved one of his big arms around her waist. He responded by shifting and pulling her tighter to him. She bit her lip and closed her eyes. Desperate for sleep. She was met with dreams...well memories.

_"Liz! What the fuck?!" he yells at her as he storms through the house. "Who is he?" he asks. Her mother sits on the kitchen floor crying as her father stands over her. He was drunk again. He scared her when he was drunk._

_"You're drunk again! Stop!" Liz yelled at him. He didn't care. He grabbed a fist full of her hair, and pulled her up to him. "Rick stop!" she cried. Emily sat in the stairway watching with big frightful eyes. She was only four years old, but she remembers this fight vividly. Her mother looked up at her father with frightful eyes. _

_"Not before you tell me who he is!" he spat in her face. She shook her head._

_"No one. I'm not...I wouldn't...not too...stop! Please." she cried. "Go get sobered up, and then we can talk about this." she says. Another slap went across her face, and Emily's tear filled eyes closed tightly. She watched as her mother was on the floor again. "Get out." her mother croaked. Crawling on the floor. _

_"What?" her father said angrily. Liz stood on shakey legs, and turned to him with fire in her eyes. _

_"I said LEAVE!" she yelled. He smiled. _

_"Fine!" he said. He punched her once more, and she collapsed on the floor. He started to come up the stairs so Emily ran to her room to hide. He'd never laid a hand on her. In fact he was always kind to her, and loved her. He was always looked so guilty when he caught Emily watching him beat her mother. When Emily heard the door slam she ran down stairs to her mother. Liz was crying on the floor. She quickly wiped her tears away and faced Emily. Emily was crying. Liz took Emily in her arms, and held her. _

_"You'll never have to see that again Emily." she says cradling her daughter. "Never again. I'll make sure of it." she says. Rick stormed back down the stairs, and slammed the front door. "It'll be us, mommy will get the job she wants. We'll get to see the world baby. It'll be us." she says holding the girl. Emily was far too young to understand what had just happened. She just knew that her father was gone, and she didn't want him back. _

_Three days later she could hear her mother downstairs on the phone. "There's a restraining order. You can't come see her." she says. She could hear the voice over the phone. He sounded like he was crying._

_"I just need to say by to her. I was drunk Lizabeth. I was drunk." he says. She shakes her head. _

_"No. It was the final straw. No more Rick." she says. Emily walks to her mother, and tugs on the dress her mothers wearing. _

_"Is it daddy?" she asks. Her mother sighs, and looks at Emily. _

_"You have one minute to say goodbye to her. I'll give her the phone. I never want to hear from you again." she says. Liz hands Emily the phone, Emily just stares up at her. _

_"Baby?" he asks. Emily feels her lip shake._

_"Hi daddy." she says sadly. _

_"Look...I have to go away. I have to go away for a long long long time, but if you ever need me you can call me. I promise. I'll get better, and I'll find you." he says. Emily looks at her mommy._

_"Will you hurt mommy again?" she asks. _

_"I won't. I won't ever hurt you guys ever again." he says. Emily nods._

_"Okay daddy." she says. _

_"I love you butterfly." he says._

_"I love you too daddy." she says._

Emily woke up, and bit her lip. Died. He died. That's what she said. That's what she always says. _He's dead Emily. _She tells herself. She bites her lip, but it doesn't stop the tears. Nothing will stop the tears when your hormones are this crazy. Sobs wracked her body, and she doesn't understand why she's been thinking of this time in her life lately. Maybe it was her becoming a mother, or Elizabeth and David. She couldn't explain it. She just wanted it all to go away like it did before. Derek woke next to her, and held her in his arms as she cried. He didn't know what she was crying about, but he knew he had to comfort her. She cuddled into his chest, and cried.

* * *

"I'm sorry Liz." he says. She looks at him in confusion.

"For what?" she asks as the music plays loudly.

"For leaving you guys." he says, as she leans her head on his shoulder. They sway back and forth. Arms tightly wrapped around one another. She always loved the way he danced.

"It wasn't your fault." she says. "It was never your fault. I was just...healing." she says. He nods.

"I know. We've always been good at being there for each other." he says. She nods.

"We've always been good at loving each other." she says as she smiles.

"Well, believe it or not...you're pretty easy to love." he says. "So is Emily. You've got a bright daughter." he says.

"I know I do, and she's going to be an unbelievable mother." she smiles. The music plays through the air, and they dance the night away just like they had those many years ago.

**I know I added some David and Liz stuff in there, but I kind of love them having a lot of history. It makes things interesting, and I never pass up a chance to have a beautiful love story told! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed!**


	24. Chapter 24

**For those are worried that David is her father, he is not. That one guy Rick that was beating her mother, that IS her father. The timeline isn't right anyways. They met officially at the wedding, and didn't see each other again till after Rick was gone.**

**Also, I've been really down lately. Some people are very hateful in this world, and the reviews they leave (not on this story) can be really awful sometimes. What they said really hurt me, and I considered being over with writing fanfiction. Then I got a review for this story, so I just want to thank everyone that is nice to me. Everyone that has never said anything rude or hateful. Thank you for not only reviewing, but also being nice. Thank you very much.**

**ENJOY!**

A month went by and Emily had an official noticeable baby-bump. Her clothes had stopped fitting, and her doctor said everything was going just fine. The baby was at average size. She was on complete rest though. Once the baby started to grow, she had a whole new diet and schedule. She hated it, but it was so worth it. The house was coming along extremely fast, and in about a week or two they could get moved. Girls night proved to be a success. No cases interfered, and they stayed up late watching movies and talking about how good Derek was in bed. Emily smiled, and rolled over to see the man she loved laying in bed next to her. Only to be met with a note. _Sorry baby. Caught a case last night. I wanted to wake you up, but I know how tired you've been lately. I love you and my monkey so much. Hopefully this case will be over and done with soon. _She reads. She frowns and bites her lip. She'd been tired lately, that was true. She still missed him on days like this. She got out of bed, and walked downstairs. She ran a hand over her baby bump, and smiled. "What do you want for breakfast monkey?" she asked. She looked at what she had, and got out the oatmeal, and blueberries. "Yeah, I like this breakfast too." she says. "Wanna listen to music?" she asks. She nods to herself, and clicks on the radio.

_Rock on, gold dust woman  
Take your silver spoon and dig your grave  
_

Emily smiled, and moved around her kitchen as she sang along. Her phone rings, and she reaches for it. "Prentiss." she says. She laughs at herself for a minute because even almost a year of being out of the bureau she still answers her phone _'__Prentiss'. __  
_

"Hello, darling. I was wondering if you wanted to get some lunch since I'm in town. To tell the truth I've been wanting to see how lovely with your little bun in the oven." he says. "I bet you're glowing." he says. She blushes a little, and smiles.

"I'm sure that'll be fine. Do you want to meet at one?" she asks. "It takes me a bit to get ready, and I'm going to take another nap before I do anything else." she smiles. She was teaching now, regularly, so no need for a job at Interpol.

"That is fine, love. I can hear you still have the same taste in music as you did when we lived together." he says with a chuckle.

"Fleetwood Mac or Stevie all day, everyday." she laughs.

"Oh, I know. I swear I know every word to every one of those songs." he says.

"I did really wear those albums out, didn't I?" she replies.

"Oh yes, yes you did. I must go, I have a meeting in a bit. See you later darling." he says.

"Au revior." she says. She hangs up, and puts her phone to the table. She cleans up her breakfast, and she hears her phone start ringing again. "Are you serious?" she laughs. "I just want a nap. Right monkey? All we want to do is go back to bed." she says cradling her stomach in her hand. She smiles widely as she reads the text message from the man she loves.

_Hey, baby. Sorry about the note this morning. I know how upsetting it was waking up with out my sexy chest pressed up against you. _She giggled out loud, and rolled her eyes. _This one is a rough one, and I can't wait to be back in the arms of my woman. Touching her swollen belly, that holds my monkey. I love you. You should start packing up your library from the living room. We have to start getting our belongings together. ;) _She smiled, and let out a sigh looking at the house around her. Plumbing in the kitchen was all that needed to be done. She smiled.

* * *

"Hello Clyde." she says with a smile. He smiles wide and looks up from his phone.

"Oh my God. You're beautiful." he says. She decided on wearing a sun dress.

"Thanks." she says softly. He put a hand on her stomach. She smiled looking down, then back up. "I think it's a girl. We're calling her monkey right now." she says. He smiles.

"A girl? A girl sounds right. A mini-Emily is just what this world needs." he says with a sincere nod. She blushes. He moves to her side of the table, and pulls out her chair for her. She sits. _Ever the gentleman. _She thinks to herself. They look at their menu's and conversation flows easily. "How far along are you?" he asks her. She puts her hand to her stomach, and lets it rest protectively there.

"14 weeks." she says.

"I remember you talking about risks...how is that going to go?" he asks her. Emily let out a breathy laugh, that didn't even seem like a laugh.

"Well...if she...if it gets to big then I'll have an emergency c-section, and we'll have a premature baby. If she stays at a small size then I'll be able too have her up to date." she says. "I don't want my pregnancy to be cut this short. There are also risks with doing something like that. I prefer not to think about it...so far the heartbeat is fine, and I'm fine too. That's what matters. Derek is so excited, and we may get to move into our new house next week or the week after." she says as the waiter approaches. They order their meals, and she laughs at what Clyde gets. "Really? A bacon cheeseburger? You're just going to eat that right in front of me knowing I can't have it." she says. He laughs.

"Well, you know me. I always know what buttons to push when it comes to you." he says. She rolls her eyes.

"Isn't that true." she says. "Why did you want to come to lunch with me?" she asks and he looks up at her in surprise.

"I just wanted lunch with a friend." he says. She gives him a skeptical look.

"That's odd for you. Derek would probably kill me if he knew where I was." she said a bit nervously. He looked at her in confusion.

"Why? I know he doesn't like me, but...why would he be angry at you?" Clyde asks. She shrugs.

"He just...he really hates you. He thinks you have this master plan to drag me away from him. It's stupid, but he can't help it. You are an ex. I wouldn't be happy if Derek was still all buddy buddy with an ex of his I hated." she says with a shrug.

"Doesn't he trust you?" he asks. She smiles.

"Yes, but he doesn't trust you!" she says with a playful tone. She reaches over and steals a fry. He tilts his head, and gives her a look. She bites it, and laughs. "Plus, he knows. He hasn't written me back but he knows." she says looking at her phone again.

"Is he away on a case?" Clyde asks. She nods.

"Yeah...it gets lonely around the house. I've resorted to talking to my belly." she says with a laugh. Clyde smiles.

"Well, if Derek is out of town and I'm in town you can always call me. I'm being serious. You're my friend. If you need me I'm here." Clyde says with a sincere look on his face. She looks at him, and smirks a bit.

"I will do that." she says. The rest of the lunch was spent in laughter and banter. They got up to leave, and Clyde pulled her chair out for her. He walked her to her car, and kissed her on her cheek. She smiled as she watched him walk away. Business Clyde, and normal Clyde were to different people. He really wasn't that bad of a guy if you gave him a chance. She laughed when she thought about working with him. That was impossible. They would fight every second of every day. Living with him, that was much worse. She drove, and parked at her new home. She walked inside, and smiled at it. The living room was a light shade of green. The furniture from Derek's house was still good, so they made sure the walls matched it. She put her hand to her stomach and smiled. She climbed the stairs and saw the room. She smiled wide, and opened the door. She closed her eyes, and imagined painting the room the pink shade she wanted to paint it. She loved Derek for painting the room, but they talked about re-painting the room if it was a girl. He only painted it to show how serious he was. She was so sure it was a girl. She placed a hand on her stomach and looked around. She wanted to paint monkeys on the wall. Hanging from green vines coming down from the ceiling. Monkey Girl painted on the wall. She wanted that so bad. She wouldn't mind having a boy, but for some reason she knew she wasn't having one. It was a girl.

* * *

"Why can't we get this guy?!" Derek asked slamming his fists into the wall. Hotch walked over and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Agent. I think you need a moment to calm down. Go take a break, and come back when you're calm." he says sternly. Derek storms out of the office, and JJ bites her lip from where she was. Watching him storm away. Derek went into the other room and got out his phone. He looked at his messages and her having lunch with Clyde just made him more upset. He didn't care right now though. He just wanted to hear her voice.

"Hey baby, how is the case going?" she asks. He feels his heart beat slow at the sound of her voice. "Babe?" she asks getting kind of worried.

"Em...can you skype me?" he asks realizing he wanted to see her.

"Sure." she says. She hangs up and it only takes a moment for her to call him on skype. He sees her beautiful face, and he wishes so much he could see her right now. He smiles, and bites his lip. He runs a hand down his face, and she gets worried. "Derek? What happened? What's wrong?" she asks. He looks at her and sighs.

"Nothing...I just...it's a hard case. They just...they look so much like you, and I keep seeing..." he trails off and she frowns.

"Oh...I'm here. I'm right here. I'm standing in our house. Our baby's room. I'm safe." she says. He bites his lip, and looks at her.

"It's times like this I wish you were here with me. I wish I could just take you in my arms, and hold you till I was okay. It's hard with out you." he says. She nods, knowing how he felt. She hated being away from him.

"I know, but you'll find this guy. You'll be home soon." she says reassuring him. He nods.

"I just...I keep seeing you like that. It makes me remember how scared I am to lose you." he says. "All I can think about it you on that floor with that table leg sticking out of you. I can't..." he closes his eyes, trying to push away his emotions. Meanwhile, she sits cross legged on the floor of her baby's room. She bites her lip, and looks down. She rubs her stomach. It had been so very long since that day. That awful day that she was stabbed. That Derek watched her "die" in his arms. She hadn't even thought of it in a long time.

"I...I'm sorry you think of that." she says. They hadn't really talked about her time in Paris, or his time with out her. "How about you think of last week? Us. Together. Laying on our couch. Snuggled up watching a movie. Baby...it's okay." she says. She watches him nod. "I missed you today. I talked to monkey a while before leaving the house. It was really lonely with out you." she says. He smiles at the mention of their baby. Their monkey.

"How is my monkey today?" he asks. She smiles.

"Never better. I have a doctors appointment next week. They think they might be able to tell sex, but I think I know what it's going to be." she says looking at her stomach again. Derek smiles.

"No, you know what you want it to be." he says with a smile, and a laugh. She smiles at seeing him smile.

"I just have a feeling. Maybe it is a little bit of want, but...I have a feeling." she says. He laughs.

"I know. I really don't care. I'd love another princess in the house though." he says. She feigns offense.

"No. I'm Derek Morgan's only princess. Not even Garcia holds that title." she says. He smiles.

"Fine...fine. My little princess? How about that?" he asks. She rolls her eyes.

"I guess we can make that compromise." she says. "I was just gonna call her monkey girl." Emily smiles. "I wanna find out what it is quickly, because the nursery needs to be painted pink. I was thinking monkeys on the wall." she says. "No, I wanna paint a tree." she says. She turns the camera and shows him where she wants to paint all this. "I think I know what I want. Now all we have to do is find out whether or not she's actually a girl." Emily says. They both hear a knock and Emily kind of frowns, but then she hears what JJ has to say.

"Morgan, we've got a new lead." JJ says. She smiles a bit when she sees his phone.

"You have to go. I love you. Make sure to come home to us safely." Emily says quickly. She blows Derek a kiss and he smiles at her.

"I love you guys too. I'll be safe. Let monkey know daddy loves her-them. See what you have me doing?" he laughs. He blows her a kiss and Emily hangs up.

"Feel better?" JJ asks with a slight smile as he passes her.

"Much." he says walking back out. JJ knew why he was upset about this case. All the victims resembled Emily. Successful woman, dark hair, brown eyes. One of them though...that's what was scaring him. Jessica McKenzie. Her throat slit from one ear to the other. She looked so much like Emily. Derek knew it wasn't her, but they could've been sisters. Every time he looked at Jessica's picture, all he could see was Emily lying there. The poor women had to go through so much. Several hours of rape, and abuse. They all were held in a cellar for days. They all experienced the worst kinds of torture. He didn't even want to think about it. He just wanted to go home, and hold the mother of his unborn child close to his chest and never let her go.

* * *

After the call from Derek, Emily felt happy. At first she felt a wave of sadness wash over her when she thought about that night when all she wanted was to die. The night when she told Derek to let her go. Then she was happy talking about their baby. Their miracle. She smiled as she went back outside. She had called her mother, and asked what she was up too. David was gone so she had a mansion all to herself. She was much less busy these days. She was with out assignment for a long time, and while she was happy to be free for her daughter she still missed her work. She'd always worked. Ever since Emily was little she worked. She rang the doorbell to Rossi's house, and soon her mother opened the door. She raised her eye brows at the comfy looking robe her mother was sporting. The comfy men's robe. "Nice choice in attire." she says playfully. Elizabeth gives her a look.

"Like you don't walk around in Derek's shirts when he's on a case." Elizabeth says back.

"Touche mother." Emily says walking in. "How are you and David?" she asks. Elizabeth shrugs.

"When I first saw him, that night that you informed me of you and Derek, he was healing from Erin's death. I was only helping him grieve for someone. I thought I'd return the favor after so many years." Elizabeth says quietly. "Now things have...I don't know...changed. We're happy." she says. Emily smiles a bit.

"Okay. Just don't get married." she says quickly, and seriously. Elizabeth laughs a bit. "I love David but I do not want him as a step dad. Derek doesn't want him as a father in law." she says. Elizabeth nods.

"Don't worry dear, neither of us are ever going to get married ever again. Ever. Ever. Ever. Again." she says with a laugh. "Three times was enough for him...once was enough for me." she says. Emily frowns trying not to think of the reason her mother never wanted to get married.

"You know David would never hurt you...right?" Emily says. Elizabeth looks at her daughter and nods.

"I know he would never. That's why I love him. I've just never been able to...you know that I...it's hard." Elizabeth says. "It was a small part of my life, but it affected how I acted after. It affected us." she says. "David keeps apologizing about not sticking around, and it's okay that he didn't. I told him not to stay. Now I wish I did. Maybe all of that wouldn't have happened to us. To you." she says. Emily frowned, and curled up further on the couch.

"Mother...you don't actually know the things that happened to me. You never knew." Emily says quietly. She was talking about Nick, and everything. It didn't get passed her mother like she had hoped. Elizabeth caught it, and she caught it quickly.

"What do you me I don't know the things that happened to you? What happened?" she asks worriedly.

"The years have passed. It's not a big deal." Emily tries to move passed it, but Elizabeth caught on quickly.

"No, Emily. It is a big deal. I should've been there when you were a little girl. I wasn't and I regret that everyday. What happened?" she asks. "I've always wondered what changed my little princess into a depressed young woman that did drugs, and had sex in the pantry." Elizabeth says. Emily shakes her head.

"I don't want to talk about it mom. I never should've said anything." Emily says standing up. Elizabeth stands with her, but grabs her arm.

"Emily, I have to know. I never knew. I always worried. I can't lose you to this again. We need to talk about it. You need to talk about it. I finally have you at a place in our lives where we're on good terms. Where we love each other, and we're good with each other. I can't lose that again. This is my chance to ask before I'm on my death bed." Elizabeth says sincerely. Emily cursed herself for mentioning it. She was in an awkward situation.

"You won't lose me again. You don't understand what you're asking, mom. It's...it's not something I talk about." Emily says. This only increased Elizabeth's worry.

"Please." her mother pleaded with her. She looked Emily in the eye, and Emily bit her lip.

"Why couldn't you wait until I wasn't pregnant so I could get really drunk and then tell you?" Emily asks humorless. Elizabeth shrugs.

"I don't know. You just...there was an opening to ask. I thought you may have been...I don't know...ready to talk to me." she says softly, with tears in her eyes. "I've been waiting for you to open up to me for so long..I was hoping you would do it after you said that. No matter how bad it is...I want to know. I need to know." she says. Emily just stared at her mother and bit her lip. She'd never let her mother know anything. Not even about when she was fifteen. Later on she had told her mother that when she was younger she'd gotten an abortion. Elizabeth assumed it was because she was young. Emily thought about how her mother would take hearing this. What changed Emily from the sweet little girl with straight A's to the Emily that was snorting cocaine? Emily sat back down, and looked at her mother.

"You better make yourself a drink." Emily said softly.

**Oh my. I'm sorry for leaving it like this! As you can probably guess, next chapter won't have a happy beginning. I'll try to balance out the bad with the good though! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! They make me feel so good. I love reading them, and they let me know I'm not doing a bad job. REVIEW!(:**


	25. Chapter 25

**A very happy birthday to a reviewer lovejackie101! This is my dedication to you because every one needs something special for their birthday, I'm happy this is one of the things you want! Here's your I hope I don't disappoint. One more thing, a very big big thank you to everybody who reviewed involving my bad review! You all are so very sweet. I was going to give up till I saw all my old reviews and all my new reviews! Maybe I'll try another story in that fandom someday, but I don't know. You all were so nice and supportive of me, and I love how much you all love me! If that made any sense. Now, ENJOY!**

Emily sat down on the couch staring at her mother. She bit her lip as she looked at her mother. "I don't even know where to start." Emily admitted looking down at her hand on her stomach.

"When did...when did your...you start to change?" Elizabeth asks. Emily frowns. Emily bites her lip.

"I was...I started to stop caring when you weren't there at about eleven. I started to just play alone, read. I talked to the staff a lot. The nanny's really didn't care much. I just stopped talking. I got into middle school, and things were all right I guess. I became very distant. I just...missed you. When I turned thirteen that's when things started to get...strange for me. You know? I was going through puberty and no one ever really explained anything to me. I...I had a friend that liked to tell dirty jokes, and I would ask him about things. He didn't shame me...in fact he liked me a bit too much. He would touch me when I asked him stuff. Show me." she said. "Nothing ever got to be too much, it was all over the clothes but it was still...I just never knew. You never talked about it with me and it was weird." she said. Elizabeth frowned.

"I'm sorry..." Elizabeth said. Emily put her hand up.

"It's okay." Emily says.

"Go on." Elizabeth says.

"Then...when I was fourteen the...the fancy parties at the house got to be...people started to look at me differently. I would walk out in the dresses I had bought, and the men there would just...only a few of them. One time one of them...he...he groped me. He said it was an accident, but I walked away from him quickly. That was the first time. I really stopped trusting people after that. When we moved to Rome...that was when things got bad." Emily says biting her lip. "I was...I was fifteen, and I...I met John and Matty. We...John and I we...he was my first boyfriend I'd ever had. Matty was crushing on me, but I knew that I wanted John. When you were gone, I would go to John's house, and he would come to mine. We kissed a few times, and we were getting closer until Nick came along. It was the summer so he wasn't at college. Nick was...he was 26 years old. Matthew warned me. Said Nick was a douche bag, but I didn't...I didn't know." Emily bit her lip, and turned her head for a minute. Nothing was harder than telling your mother you had sex with a 26 year old when you were only fifteen. "I...we started to talk, and he just understood me more than anyone else. He..." she stopped. She didn't tell Derek the whole truth. She'd never told anyone the whole truth. "He gave me drugs. Mostly pot. We would get high, and then he would..." she stopped again turning away from her mother. "I can't tell you mom." she says. Elizabeth looked at her daughter with pain in her eyes.

"What did he do?" she asks. Afraid of what Emily was going to say.

"I told Derek we had sex but...I...I lied. We did, but we didn't just do it once. He made me...he...he made me do things that I didn't want to do, and every time I tried to leave he would apologize and say something so sweet. I was so stupid." she said starting to cry. Elizabeth felt her lip tremble. "I...the first time he was in my room, and John didn't know about us. I didn't want him to hate me. We snorted something, and it felt so good. Then he would...he would tell me to do stuff, and he would hurt me if I didn't. I didn't want...I didn't want him to be mad at me so I did it. When I did it well he would love on me." she says weakly. Her mother wipes away her own tears that started to pour and wrapped her arms around her daughter. "He got me pregnant." she says through tears. Elizabeth pulled back and looked at her daughter.

"What?" she asked. "You got pregnant? You were only..." Elizabeth gasped. "What did you do? Why didn't you come to me?" her mother asks quickly. Emily cried.

"You were in Paris. I was...I had no one. You stopped hiring nannies when I was 13, and it wasn't hard to sneak people in around the staff. Most of the time it was just me. I had no one to talk too. I told John, and he asked me who it was. I told him, and before I told him what Nick did to me he yelled at me. He left me in the middle of the park. I called Matty, and I told him. I told him everything. I told him what Nick would do to me, and I cried so much. I'd never been...I'd never been loved before. All it was...it was just violence, and pain. No one ever loved me...no one except for Matty. We planned it out. His parents were gone, you were gone. He found a doctor for me, and we went and I did it. I killed my baby. I had an abortion at fifteen. Nick wanted nothing to do with me after I told him I was pregnant. Neither did John." she whispered. Elizabeth looked at her in shock. She was sobbing.

"Is that when you...you started too..." Emily nodded wiping away her own tears.

"We stayed at the hotel and it was the worst pain I've ever felt. I murdered my baby. I told Matty to have sex with me so I knew...so I knew what it felt to be loved. I found it wasn't so bad when it was done right." Emily said. "I had a stash. I...I snorted some pills. Matty had his own stash. We would sometimes do drugs together for fun when I got upset about Nick. Nothing like the things we did in that motel room. I went crazy, and I...I enjoyed it. It helped me forget. I always forgot when I was too high to remember my name or wrapped in some one else's arms." Emily said softly. "That was my...my final straw. That's what changed me. It didn't stop till I was at Yale. In fact the day I met Hotch I snuck off to the bathroom to snort heroine. It got bad, mom. I relapsed in Paris. I almost died. I...I had reckless, rough sex in bathrooms and I let people snort stuff off of my body it wasn't...it wasn't right." she says. Elizabeth hugs her, and they lay down as she cries. As they both cry. She wasn't lying when she said she relapsed in Paris. It wasn't just drugs. It was sex too. Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her baby girl, and held onto her tightly. Somehow, after every bad thing she'd heard she knew now. She never knew why Emily just...magically changed. Now she did. Now they could move on.

* * *

"Lizzie! I'm home. Where-" Rossi stopped when he walked into the living room. He smiled when he saw the two women on the couch. Elizabeth was asleep, and Emily was laying on her shoulder asleep with her. David got out his phone, and dialed the number. "Derek? Yeah. She's here. Her and Liz are asleep on my couch. Do you wanna come here? I can put her in her room." he says. He smiled. Emily was the one that stayed the night the most after parties at his house. Her and Penelope had personal rooms set up just for them. She jokes with him about it all the time. "Yeah? See you in a bit. I know you wanna see her. I'll wait for you to come here. You can do the heavy lifting. I'm not going to wake them up. They look like they've had a rough time tonight." he says noting Emily's mascara running, and Elizabeth's red face. He went to his kitchen poured a drink and waited for Derek to get here.

"Hey." Derek says walking through the unlocked door. He smiled when he saw mother and daughter on the couch. Rossi was standing there looking at them.

"Hey...I was thinking you could lift the pregnant one, while I wake the hormonally stable one." David says with a smile. Derek nods, and walks over. Emily was curled up already so all he had to do was reach down, and let her curl into him. He did just that and she curled right into him, stirring just a bit. David went over and leaned down to Elizabeth. He moves her hair out of her face, and watched her eyes flutter open. "Lizzie..." he says softly. She smiles, and looks at him. Then she remembers everything that Emily told her. She frowns and looks at him. "What's wrong?" he asks. She looks at him with tears, and opens her arms.

"I need you to hold me." she says. "Where's Emily?" she asks quickly. David smiles.

"She's upstairs Liz." he says. She nods.

"She's staying?" she asks him. He nods.

"She looked tired so I had Derek come over, and carry her upstairs." he says. "What happened? I saw the mascara marks." he says wiping away Elizabeth's own mascara marks.

"I...we can talk about it later. I just want you to hold me." she says softly. He looked at her slightly worried. "We'll be fine." she says quietly. He nods, and she stands to wrap her arms around him.

"I see you changed your wardrobe while I was gone." he says. She smiles, and wraps the robe tighter around her. She takes his hand and they head upstairs.

* * *

Derek smiled as he watched her sleep. He wiped off her cheeks, and her eyes fluttered open a bit but she stayed asleep. He nuzzled her nose, and kissed her softly. Intending on waking her. "Emily...you have to get up so you can get ready to sleep." he says. She groans, and rolls over. Derek shakes his head, and unzips her dress as softly as he can. He pulls it down, and watches her stir again. "Derek.." she whispers softly. He smiles, and looks at the bag he brought. The bag full of her clothes. He looks at it, and watches her snore lightly. He yawns himself, and pulls the covers down instead. He takes off his shirt, and lays down behind her. He places his hands on her bump, and buries his face in her hair.

"I love you my princess." he whispers in her ear.

"I love you too Derek." she whispers back with a smile on her face, and she opens her eyes. She turns around to see him staring at her.

"How long were you awake?" he asks.

"Long enough to know when my boyfriend was taking my clothes off." she says. Moving forward. "I'm sorry for waking. I bet you're tired." she says. He shakes his head.

"I needed to hear your voice anyways. Put my hands on your belly. Say hi to our monkey." he says. She smiles. "What was making you cry? I saw the marks on your face." he says moving hair away. She shook her head.

"I just had a talk with my mom. I don't really wanna talk about it. I just need you too make me feel better." she says. He smiles.

"How can I do that?" he asks with a chuckle. She puts a hand to his face.

"Just talk to me." she replies. "When we find out if it's a girl...then we can start thinking of names." she says with a smile. He smiles too.

"Why can't we think of them now?" he asks her kissing her the tip of her nose. She shrugs.

"What were you thinking?" she asks him. He shrugs.

"I don't know princess. What is going to be the name of our little girl?" he asks. She smiles.

"I don't know. I thought about going with the whole 'E' thing. Emily, Elizabeth...I just don't find myself liking any 'E' names." she says. He nods.

"Yeah...I'm not a big fan of 'E' names usually. After you've used Elizabeth, and Emily...what else is there?" he asks. She smiles.

"Eleanor." Emily laughed. He rolls his eyes.

"I like Kali, or Addy." he says. She smiles.

"I like Addy, or Lilla." she says laying on her back so she's belly up.

"What if it's a boy?" he asks. She smiles, and rolls her eyes.

"It isn't. If it was...what would it be?" she asks. He smiles.

"Michael." he says with a smile. She smiles too and kisses him softly.

"No matter what...they'll be monkey." she says with a big smile. "I love you so much Derek Morgan." she says putting a hand on his face.

"I love you too...Emily Prentiss." he says leaning forward to kiss her again. She opened her mouth to him, and he moved so he was hovering on top of her. She smiled, and ran her hands down his chest. She reaches for his sweats and he stops her. "Hey...your mother is right next door. Not to mention with my co-worker." he says. She smiles.

"Then we're going to have to be super quiet." she says with a grin. She reaches into his pants and he closes his eyes.

"You're crazy..." he says. Then she moves her hand, and touches him. "Jesus Emily...stop or we're going to get caught again." he says. She smiles even wider.

"We won't get caught." she says. She moves her hand, and he groans. She's turning him on, and she knows it. Everything turned her on so that wasn't a problem. He pulls her underwear down while she keeps rubbing him with her hand. She pops off her bra and he looks down at her. Her breasts were getting bigger, and he bit his lip at the sight. He licked her chest, and she pushed his sweats down with her feet. She moved him so he was at her entrance. Their lips clashed when he moved forward. They made love, lightly whispering in each other's ears. "I love you"'s and random curses in Arabic came from her lips. She smiled as she came down from her high. He did too. He laid an open mouthed kiss on her jaw. "Told you we wouldn't get caught." she said with a smile. He fell next to her, and put an arm over her stomach. He put his sweats back on, and she pulled on her underwear. "Did you bring it?" she asks with a smile. He shakes his head, and reaches for the bag he brought with him.

"How could I forget it?" he asks handing her the jersey from the bag. She smiles, and slips it on immediately feeling comfort. It was her favorite outfit. It was Derek's favorite outfit too. He told her so the first time she put it on. He told her she should wear it everyday, all day. It was huge, and comfortable. Derek wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "I love you princess." he says. She smiles, and puts her head close to his. Soon they're both off in a deep sleep.

* * *

Two weeks went by and Emily was approaching her 16 week of pregnancy. "Auntie Em! Auntie Em!" Henry yelled running toward her fast. She smiled down at him, and he reached his hands up to her for her to hold him.

"I'm sorry, but Aunt Emy has a baby in her tummy. I'm not aloud to lift you buddy." she says. Emily wore a long maxi dress, and Jack ran up to her too.

"Emy!" he says with a smile. She smiled back at them. She watched Hotch, and Beth walk out of the car. She smiled knowing that the little boy had ran as fast as he could to see her. Both Henry and Jack attached themselves to her dress as she watched JJ and Will jump down from the large truck. Emily took both of the boys hands and smiled down at them.

"You guys wanna sit with me on the swing?" she asks. They both nod. She takes their hands and moves to the porch swing. Henry smiles as she pushes them. She had begged Derek for this porch swing. She wanted it so bad. All it took was big doe eyes, and a pouty face that could make him fall to his knees. She knew that, and she used it all the time. JJ walked over, and smiled. The boys were talking across Emily who seemed to be enjoying the conversation. JJ laughed, and picked up her son from Emily's lap. Henry hugged his mommy, and Emily just kept her arm wrapped around Jack who was snuggled at her side.

"The house is beautiful Em." JJ says sitting next to her. She placed a hand on Emily's belly. "Have you felt him move any?" JJ asks. Emily gives her a look.

"No. Not yet. I haven't felt HER move at all. The doctors said it may take me a bit to notice her movements." Emily says with a smile. JJ shakes her head.

"How do you know it's a girl?" JJ teases her. Emily puts a hand on her stomach.

"I just know! Next week I'll get to prove it to you." she says. Next week was her appointment. The one where she got to see if her baby was the girl she really thought it was. JJ smiles, and hugs her son.

"Okay, buddy. Stay with Auntie Em. Mommy has to go help move some stuff." JJ says setting Henry back down on Emily's lap. They look at Jack and see him snuggled against Emily's side fast asleep. It had been a long day for everybody. They had been moving things back and forth, Jack helping out his dad and Beth sometimes. Emily smiled and looked at Henry.

"You sleepy too?" she asks him. He just nods, and lays his head on her chest. "Do you wanna go up to my room, and go to sleep?" she asks. He nods. She waves Derek over, and has him take Henry and Jack. She smiles at him, and kisses him softly. "We're all gonna go nap." she says. Derek nods, and sets Henry down. Henry takes Emily's hand and puts his finger in his mouth. Derek carries the boy upstairs and Emily follows behind him with Henry's hand in her's. They get upstairs to Derek and Emily's room and Emily smiles at the large king sized bed. Her and Derek put it together last night. Then they had crashed on it. Emily helped Henry up onto it, and he took off his shoes. Derek took off Jack's shoes and the boys laid down together. Henry stares up at her.

"Auntie Em, lay down wit us." he says with a smile. She smiles too, and kisses Derek quickly.

"We'll be okay baby." she says. She lays down with Henry, and smiles when he moves closer to her and snuggles to her chest. Soon his breathing evens out and she smiles thinking about how in a few years...it could be just like this. She closes her eyes, and feels herself slip away.

* * *

"Where's the kids and Emily?" JJ asks looking around. Derek smiles.

"Upstairs. Sleeping." he says helping JJ move the couch into it's correct place. Boxes littered the living room, and he was happy with it. Kitchen stuff in the kitchen. Bedroom stuff, in other words Emily's department store full of clothes, all in the bedroom. Some baby stuff in the nursery, which in a week would be painted pink. A brown tree coming from the floor and branching up. The crib was to be placed in front of it. A few monkey's hanging down, and a name was going to go right on the trunk of the tree above her crib. The name? They still couldn't come up for anything. Emily wanted something strong, meaningful. Nothing would match the monkey though. They had gone through lists and lists. A boy's name was easy. Michael. For some reason's the girls name had to be perfect. For Emily at least, it had to be perfect. Derek just wanted a happy, healthy baby. Boy or girl. Emily was hell bent on having a girl though. "The princess has to have that chair over here." he says remember how Emily said she'd wanted it. JJ laughs, and Spencer walks in.

"Hey! Don't judge her. She has good taste. I'd put that there too." she says with a laugh.

"Hey, Pretty boy help me with this chair." Derek says to Reid. Reid smiles, and helps move the chair. Soon they hear some one coming down the steps. Spencer looks up from his spot on the couch and smiles at Emily. She looked so pretty today. A bright blue dress that went down to the floor. Her hair in its natural wavy state. Not to mention her smile brighter than ever. She walks over and rustles his hair. She looks at her living room and smiles.

"Good job guys." she says. She looks at the tired faces, and laughs. Hotch and Beth had retrieved Jack from upstairs. JJ and Will got Henry, and Emily kissed the boys foreheads on their way out. She hugs everybody on their way out, and makes sure to hug Spencer extra long. They don't see a lot of each other lately, only because he isn't big on seeing people outside of work. She made sure to stop him though, and to tell him to call her. She could tell he was acting weird, and she did worry about him. "Hey...come over for dinner anytime you want, call anytime you want. We're always here. Always Spencer." Emily says looking at him in the eye. He nods and smiles a bit.

"I know Emily. Thank you." he says. She smiles, and hugs him once more. On his way out Derek and Emily stood in the doorway. Derek pulled Emily to him, and she melted into him. He leaned down and kissed her.

"We're officially moved in." he says against her lips. She smiles.

"I love this house." she says. He smiles. "And I love you, and I love our monkey, and I love my life with you." she says. Derek smiles, and looks at her. A loud drop hits the roof of the porch. Then another, and another, and another. Soon it was pouring rain. Emily smiled, and Derek took a deep breath. He looked out at the sun setting, and the rain collecting on the ground. He turned to her. He was staring at her big brown eyes. She turned her head, and leaned against the doorway. The wind was blowing her hair a bit, and she had this smile on her face. Her hand was on her stomach, and for some reason he was just...it was a perfect moment. It was dark by now. Her face was lit up by the colored lanterns they hung on the porch. They were standing in the doorway to their new house. It was perfect. She was just so beautiful. She was in his arms. It was that moment when he knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to keep her forever.

"Wait right here. I'm gonna go get something." he says nervously. She furrows her brow at how quickly his demeanor changed.

"What? Why?" she says. He was gone though. He was inside. He was upstairs reaching into the brand new dresser that held some of his clothes. He reached in, and got out what he needed. He ran down the stairs, and looked at Emily standing in the doorway with a puzzled look on her face. He walks up to her, and smiles at her.

"Em...I don't know why I'm doing this now, I guess it just seemed like the perfect moment..." he smirked, and he pulled the little black box out from behind his back. Emily gasps as he gets on one knee in front of her. She smiles a smile unlike any other. "I love you more than anything. I love our baby. I want to hold you in my arms for the rest of our lives. Three years ago...I never thought we'd be in this situation. The truth is though...I thought about getting down on one knee for you when you grabbed my shirt, and kissed me for the first time. Ever since that night in New Orleans, I've just been in awe with who you are. I learned every piece of you, and yet you're still a mystery. I love you so much, and...and I want to spend the rest of my days, and nights, and everything in between's with you. Forever. Us, and our monkey." he says. "Will you ma-" before he can finish her arms are wrapped around his neck and her mouth on his. The kiss is full, and passionate. More so than ever. She breaks away and looks in his eyes. "Either that was a yes, or a really nice rejection." he says gasping for breath. She smiled.

"I will marry you Derek Morgan." she says. He takes the ring, and slips it on her finger. It was crazy, spontaneous, and...perfect.

**Hope you enjoyed! Happy Birthday again! I hope I didn't disappoint! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! XD**


	26. Chapter 26

**Thanks for all the reviews! I'm so so so sorry for the late update! I'm doing a show right now, and had an audition for another show today! I'm exhausted! Anyways, enough of my rambling. ENJOY!**

"He proposed!" Penelope says with an extremely loud squeal. Emily laughed as the woman hugged her tightly. "Who else have you told?" she asks excitedly. Emily shrugs.

"Just you guys." she says looking at her girls. "Derek says he's gonna tell Spence, and Hotch. We're going over to tell mom and Rossi a bit later." Emily says happily.

"How did he propose? What happened? Oh my gosh! Was it perfect?! Tell me it was perfect. Was the engagement sex good?" Penelope asks quickly. Emily lets out a laugh.

"It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. It was like...we were talking and he was just staring at me. Then he ran inside, came back out of the room and onto the porch and he gave the most beautiful little speech and it was...so perfect." Emily said in awe. Then she took a moment and gave Penelope a look. "Engagement sex?" Emily asks with a wide, shocked smile. Penelope looks at her in confusion.

"Well, yeah! Engagement sex is the best.." then she takes a moment. "Fourth best. Make-up sex, birthday sex, anniversary sex, engagement sex." she says looking into the air and counting on her fingers. Emily and JJ laugh out loud. "So how was it?" she asks with a smile.

"I wouldn't know. We kinda crashed." Emily says shaking her head. Penelope and JJ gave her a look.

"That's a lie. You got engaged and you are pregnant. There's no way you didn't have sex." JJ says. Emily rolled her eyes.

"Okay fine. We had sex, and it was the fifth best sex ever behind our make-up sex, birthday sex, anniversary sex, first-time-we-did-it drunken New Orleans night sex, AND then engagement sex." Emily says with a smile. JJ gives her a look.

"She's right. Same thing has to go with me. Make-up sex, birthday sex, first-time-we-did-it drunken New Orleans night sex, and then our engagement sex. The conceiving of my son was really good sex too though." JJ ponders. Emily nods.

"Oh yeah! This monkey. The night she was conceived was easily on my top 5." she says. Penelope looks at them both in shock, then she looks down for a moment, then back up.

"I really hate you both." she says. Emily laughs. "I don't have a top 5. I mean...I do, but it's definitely nothing like I imagine being with Derek would be." Penelope says. Emily nudges her.

"Watch it! That's my fiance." Emily says with a laugh. "My top five consists of four times with Derek and I, then once when I was in college. He's number 2." she says. JJ looks at her. "You don't understand JJ. He was Italian, and the bone structure of a God. Not to mention the body to go with it. He was a painter..." she says looking into the distance dramatically. JJ looks at her for a moment.

"Second?" JJ asks. Emily smiles.

"Definitely my second. Derek's my first but...holy Jesus." Emily says. They all take a moment to act like teenage girls. Then Emily is reminded by the weight in her stomach. She smiles, and looks down. "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I wanted to be the one to tell you guys and I wanted to tell you in person." she says looking at her engagement ring against the roundness of her stomach. "Wish me luck. I have to go find out if my baby girl is a baby girl." Emily says. JJ looks at her.

"I think it is." JJ says laying a hand on Emily's stomach. Emily smiled.

"We can only hope." Emily says. Penelope leans over and hugs Emily tightly. JJ does the same. Emily says bye, and walks out toward Derek's office. She knocks on the door, and she can hear giggling from inside the office. She opens the door to see a Barbie doll sitting on Derek's desk. Long blonde hair, and lightly tanned skin, too much make-up and fake boobs. She looked at Derek, and he looked at her quickly. "Hey baby. We really have to get going. We get to find out if our monkey girl is a girl." Emily says with a smile as he walks toward her. He kisses her on her lips, and the girl on his desk frowns. He turns to her and smiles.

"Thanks for the papers Kelly." he says. She nods, and walks past them. She looks at Emily, and scowls. She smiles at Derek though.

"See you later Derek." she says with a flirtatious smile. Emily turns to him, and raises her eye brows.

"See you later Derek." she says looking at him, and placing her hands on his chest. She flips her hair, and bites her lip in a sexy way. Derek laughed at her, and shook his head.

"Don't be mean to Kelly. She's not that bad. She's a secretary from downstairs." Derek says taking Emily's hand.

"Yeah...because the look she gave me was so sweet." Emily says rolling her eyes.

"Well, you're the one I go home to at night." he says with a smile. She smiles too.

"I know." she says. She looks up at him, and raises on her toes to kiss him. He kisses her back.

"Come on babe. We have to go, we'll be late." he says. They walk out together, and she waves to the people she used to see everyday.

* * *

"Okay...let's take a look." Rebecca says rubbing the gel over Emily's stomach. Emily smiles a bit and holds Derek's hand tightly. She was always scared that the screen would come on but she wouldn't see a baby, or that something would be wrong. She lets feels the thing on her stomach and smiles when she sees her baby on the screen. She can hear her little heart beat. She feels relief fill her. "Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" she asks. Emily nods with a smirk. Rebecca stands to take a closer look. She bites her lip for a minute. "It looks like you're going to have a little boy." Rebecca says. Emily looks at her in surprise. Derek smirks a bit.

"A little boy, huh?" he says. It takes Emily a minute, and she smiles a bit, but the frown is still half there.

"A boy? You're sure?" Emily asks. Rebecca nods. "I was so sure." Emily says frowning a bit. Emily ponders it for a minute. Rebecca smirks. Then starts to laugh a bit.

"It's a girl, Emily." she says. Emily looks up and her jaw drops.

"Really Rebecca?" she says un-amused. Derek smiles and chuckles a bit. "So it is a girl?" Emily asks a smile developing brightly on her face. A wide smile. A smile Derek hasn't seen since he proposed to her. She looks at Derek quickly. "We can paint the nursery pink." Emily says looking at him. He smiles at her and kisses her. "She's beautiful Derek." Emily says gripping Derek's hand. She smiles, and shakes her head. "We need to get copies for the family." she says. Rebecca smiles.

"How big is your family?" she asks. Emily just grinned.

* * *

"Hey, babe. I just got off the phone with mom, and she was wondering if it would be cool to come up for a little while. I told her I'd have to ask you, but I don't see why it would be a problem." he says folding clothes as Emily lays down on the couch. She looks up and smiles.

"I would love to have her here!" Emily says happily. Derek smiles.

"Only so you guys can gang up on me!" he says with a laugh. Emily had met the family before. They had warmed to her immediately. It was summer while Hotch and Rossi both decided to take a vacation. They all decided to go somewhere, and Emily was going to the beach all alone. Derek smiled that perfect smile and asked her to come to Chicago with him instead so she won't be alone. The truth was he didn't want her meeting some hot surfer guy at the beach. When he smiled that smile she was so in love with, she couldn't pass it up. She remembers that time more than any other time.

_"Hi sweety." she says wrapping her arms around her son. He smiles, and hugs her back. _

_"Hi ma." he says. When she hears a door shut, she moves her head to see a woman get out of the front seat. She smiles widely and gives Derek a look. "She's my friend, and I didn't want her to be all alone when she went to the beach." he says. Emily smiles, and walks up. Fran's face shows recognition. _

_"Agent Prentiss. Nice to have you here." Fran says. Emily blushes a bit. _

_"You can call me Emily ." Emily says quietly. _

_"Well in that case you can call me Fran." Fran says with a smile. Emily nods, and clings to Derek's side shyly. She's in shorts, and a loose sleeveless top with sunglasses perched on her head. Her hair is down, and straightened. Emily's hand finds her way to Derek's arm, and Fran notices. They walk into a nice simple house, and Emily smiles at the pictures that line the walls. Her houses never had pictures on the walls, she never took pictures anyways when she was a kid. Emily smiled as she looked at all of them. Especially the ones of little Derek. Derek put his hand on her waist and turned her around._

_"You are not aloud to look at those." he says moving her toward the stairs. Fran frowns, and then takes a moment. _

_"Why not? You were adorable." she says with a bright smile. He shakes his head, and pushes her upstairs. _

_"Hey ma! I was gonna give Emily the guest room and sleep in my old room if that's cool!" he yells downstairs. Fran smiles down from the bottom of the stairs. _

_"That's fine, but you should know that those bunk beds are still in your old room." she says. He smiles and rolls his eyes. Emily stands at the doorway watching him put her bags on the bed. _

_"I know. The bottom bunk is way bigger. If I could sleep on it as a teenager I could sleep on it now." he yells. Emily smiles, and grabs her bag from him. _

_"You need to unpack your own belonging's Derek Morgan. I got it from here." she says laying her hands on his. He looks up at her, and smirks. He places his hand on her hip, but she stops him. "Derek...we agreed we had to stop this." she says quietly. They had talked about it. It had only been going on for a year or two. She had to stop it because she knew she'd fallen for him, and that wasn't allowed. _

_"I want too." he says leaning closer to her. She gives him a look, and he nods backing away with his hands up. She frowns. "I'm sorry princess." he says walking out awkwardly. She frowns even more. She wants to go after him but she knows he just needs to calm down. She looks down and starts to unpack. When she's done she goes down the stairs and sees Fran cooking in the kitchen. Fran turns and notices her. Emily smiles at her, but doesn't say anything. _

_"Do you wanna help dear?" she asks Fran. Emily smiles at her. _

_"I'm not a cook. In fact...I tend to destroy things when I cook." Emily says with a light chuckle. Fran smiles. _

_"Can you chop a carrot?" Fran asks. Emily thinks about it for a moment. _

_"Yeah...I'm sure I could do that." Emily smiles. She takes the knife from Fran and goes to the cutting board. "I got taught how to do this by our cook M. LaPierre when I was a child. The cook after him wasn't as nice to me so no one ever taught me how to do it." Emily says out loud. Fran looks at her for a moment. _

_"Wow, you had cooks?" she asks. Emily's jaw drops for a moment, surprised at how much she revealed. _

_"Um...yeah...M. LaPierre was the cook we had when we lived in France. We had to move again, and he had to stay in France." Emily says. Fran looks at her with a small smirk. _

_"Why didn't you ever learn how to cook from someone else?" Fran asks. Emily shrugs. _

_"Like I said, the cooks after him didn't pay me any attention. The nannies didn't cook, the cooks did, and mother was always at work. I'm not sure if she even knows how to cook." Emily says with a chuckle. _

_"What does your mother do for a living?" Fran asked, now interested in Emily's childhood. _

_"She's an Ambassador." Emily says quietly. Fran knew she didn't get a lot of attention growing up. She could tell. Emily was quiet and well reserved. _

_"So you lived in France?" Fran asked. Emily blushes. _

_"J'ai vécu en France pendant environ huit ans ensemble." Emily says with a smile. Fran looks at her in shock. Derek walks in and laughs. _

_"You should hear her speak Arabic or Italian." he says reaching for an apple. "Or Spanish...even when she speaks bad Russian." he says smiling taking a bite. "You're so hot when she speaks Russian though." he says with a laugh. Fran gives her son a look, and Emily rolls her eyes. _

_"Has he always been a flirt?" Emily asks Fran. Fran laughs. _

_"I swear the first words that came out of that boys mouth was 'Hey baby girl, what are you doing tonight'?" Fran laughs. Derek's jaw dropped. _

_"No it wasn't." he says. "Don't listen to her princess. She doesn't know what she's talking about." he says leaning over Emily to grab something. She turns to him. _

_"Can you get out of my space!" Emily says pushing him away. He pushes her back. _

_"Maybe I don't want too." he says moving closer to her. _

_"Derek Morgan I'm holding a knife." she says. He smiles, and moves his hand to her side and tickles her there. She yelps, and elbows him. "I said I'm holding a knife!" Emily says giving him a threatening look. He smiles. _

_"MA! She's threatening me!" he says. Fran smiles and doesn't look up. _

_"Get him Emily." Fran says with a smile. "No blood in my kitchen though." she adds. Emily smiles, and looks at Derek with a smile. Soon that smile fades and she finds herself wanting nothing more than to kiss him right then and there. He looks at her too, and keeps his hand on her side. She soon turns her head, and goes back to the carrots. Fran notices the exchange but doesn't say anything._

"I'm really glad she's coming here. When will she get here?" Emily asks with a smile. Derek shakes his head.

"This week." he says. "We have to pick her up on Thursday." Derek says with a smile.

* * *

Wednesday came and Emily decided it was time to tell her mom about her engagement. Her and Derek walked toward Rossi's house when they heard something inside. Emily turned to Derek and looked at him in confusion for a moment. She knocked on the door loudly, and when the door wasn't answered she used her key to get in. "Mom? David?" she asks. When she walked in she felt herself get sick to her stomach. She recognized the man in the living room immediately. The man standing in front of David, and her mother behind David. They all turned to look at her when they heard her walk in though. The man standing there gave her a look, and she felt herself get angry. She turned to Derek, and grabbed his arm.

"We're leaving right now." she says tearing up. She puts her hands on her stomach and the man standing there looks at her in shock. "Derek. Leaving." she says. The smiles and laughter was gone. "I'm not coming back until I know he's...he's gone." Emily says walking out the door. Derek looks out the door to see Emily getting into the car. He looks at Elizabeth for a moment who just looks sad.

"What the hell just happened?" Derek asks them. David turns to Derek and takes a moment before answering.

"Go with Emily. She needs you right now. We'll explain later." David tells Derek. Derek looks at Elizabeth, and back to David. Finally he looks at the man standing there, still in shock.

"Who the hell are you and why does seeing you upset my fiance?" Derek asks angrily. The man was as tall as he was. Black hair, and brown eyes. Looks to be about Elizabeth and David's age. Maybe a bit older. Elizabeth looks up at Derek's words.

"Fiance?" she asks with a smile. Derek smirks a bit.

"That's what we came here to tell you guys. I proposed." Derek says. Elizabeth smiles widely. "We also found out what the sex of the baby will be. Emily's instincts are right. We're painting the nursery Monday if you guys want to come help. Liz, I know how much you enjoy painting." he says. Elizabeth smiles in excitement. "We brought a picture of the ultrasound too if you want one." he says getting it out. He hands it to Rossi.

"We'll call you later with more information." David says. Derek nods, and gives the man standing there another glare. He walks out to the car, and finds Emily in the front seat crying. Derek puts his hands over her's, and looks at her.

"Who was that guy?" Derek asks. Emily shakes her head.

"I just wanna go home." she says holding onto her stomach and Derek's hand. "I'll call my mother later and see if it's handled later. We've got to get ready, Fran's coming to see us tomorrow and that can't...we can't let this interfere." Emily says drying her tears quickly. "It's not a big deal. He'll leave or die, and life will go back to being how it was." she says wiping her face off. Derek drives and looks at her with concern.

"Emily, whenever you talk like this it's because something big happened and you don't wanna deal with it...who was that man?" Derek asks. Emily frowns, and stares out the window.

"I've been lying to you about something..." Emily says looking at Derek. He looks at her in worry and she sighs.

* * *

"What are you doing here?! No one wants to see you! You're as good as dead to us." Liz says to him angrily.

"She's pregnant!? Who was that guy?" the man asks quickly. Elizabeth scoffs.

"You don't get answers." Liz says. The man grabs her arm, and pulls her to him. David walks over and pushes him away. The man falls back and Rossi points a finger at him.

"You touch her again and you'll be in the morgue." David says. The man shakes his head.

"You didn't get to touch her either but you did anyways!" the man yells in David's face.

"Get out of my house before I throw you out. Emily doesn't need this right now, and neither do I. Leave!" David says pointing to the door. The man shakes his head and storms out slamming the door behind him. Liz looks at David, and he reaches his arms to her. As she cries in his shoulder he strokes her hair.

"Shhh...la mia bella donna sarà tutto a posto." _my beautiful woman it'll all be okay. _he soothes her. They walk to the couch and lay down together. "He's gone Lizzie."

**Once more! Sorry for the slow update! Really busy. I'm sorry if you didn't like the chapter. I didn't know where to go with it being all happy and stuff. Next up Fran is here, and who's the mystery man that has Emily and Elizabeth so upset? Hmmmm...REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Even though I probably don't deserve it for the way I've been treating you all...ughers. I'll work harder! Don't leave me! REVIEW!**


	27. Chapter 28

**I'm so so so sorry for all this waiting. My internet has been turned off so updates will be slow. Please don't stop reading! I'll be writing at a McDonald's after school so hopefully I can get a couple updates out. It will be turned back on two weeks from today. I'm so sorry. Money is tight. Anyways. ENJOY!**

"Emily...who was that guy?" Derek keeps asking. Emily bites her lip, and turns away.

"I said I don't want to talk about it." she says. "He will be gone forever. Tomorrow you'll forget he even exists. I know I did. We have to worry about tomorrow. Fran will be here tomorrow." Emily says opening her door and walking toward their house. She knew she was hurting him by not telling him, but she didn't want too.

"Emily, you said you've been lying to me about something. Then you said you didn't tell me the whole truth about your childhood. Then you just stop! We're talking right now." he says angry that she's pushing him away. She turns to him angrily.

"Why can't you just let it go!?" Emily screams at him. She can't do this right now. She doesn't want to be in a fight with him right now. It's so stupid what they're fighting over. Why can't he just drop it? She told him enough. That's all he needed to hear.

"Because it upset you, and I need to know if that's a guy I need to keep away from my family! Why won't you just tell me who he is?" Derek asks. Her nostrils flare.

"Because he's dead." she says. "He died a long time ago, and I don't need him coming back to life. He needs go away, and be dead again." Emily says. "You're upsetting me." she adds walking up to their bedroom.

"Emily...why can't you just tell me the truth? It's like you're incapable of opening up to people. You used to do the same thing I'm going to be your husband. We have to tell each other the truth. You can't just run away from everything that happens." he says sternly. She looks at him, and she wants to cry. _You can't just run away from everything that happens._

"Well maybe we shouldn't get married then." she says finally. He looks at her and her eyes widen at her words. She didn't mean it like that. It was just a thought after he said that. _Well, you're fucked now. Just go with it. _"I'm incapable of opening up, that means I'm incapable of telling you the truth about my past. I don't see why my past is important. You don't tell me about anything that happened in your childhood." she challenges him angrily. He looks at her, and she frowns. She sighs and puts a hand on her head. "It's painful Derek, that's why we don't talk about it. I don't want to focus on painful memories of my broken childhood. I want to focus on the future. Us. It hurts me more than you'll ever know hearing those words you just said. It hurts me even more hearing the words I said after it. I won't run away from everything that happens. I will always be there. It's not just me anymore. I can't up and leave anymore. I'm grounded now. I have a house...I have a family. I've never run from bad things. In fact..usually I run straight to them. I face them head on. Especially when it's protecting the ones I love. Doyle wasn't me running away, Doyle was me facing my monsters." she says sadly. He looks at her for a moment, and sighs.

"I'm sorry Emily." he says. "You need to open up more though. I can accept that you want to focus on the future but this guy may come back. That means that the past if affecting the future. Our future. I need to know if it's something I need to worry about." he says walking toward her and placing his hands on top of her's. That way they both were holding her stomach. She smiles a bit.

"He's my dad. I told you he died but he didn't. The truth was he...he used to beat my mom, he was an alcoholic. When I was five years old he...mom made him leave. Well, we left him. She made sure he never saw me again." Emily says sadly. He looks at her with a sad expression. "He's dead to me though. We need to drop it now." she says.

"Baby, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Do you remember anything from it?" he asks. She wraps her arms around herself, and sighs.

"I said we need to drop it." she says. "Stress isn't good for me or the baby. How about we just forget this ever happened, and eat some dinner." she says. "Did you tell mom?" she asks. Derek nods.

"He doesn't know the sex of the baby does he?" she asks. Derek looks at her for a moment. "He doesn't deserve to know he's going to have a granddaughter." Emily says simply.

"No. I just told your mom that you were right about the sex. Then I gave her the picture. She said she'd call." Derek says simply. He grabs her hand and pulls her toward him. She places her head in his neck, and she lays a small open mouthed kiss on his neck. He holds her for a minute, and she sighs. "I'm gonna go cook dinner baby. Do you want some chicken and rice? I'll add a green." he says. She nods, and puts a hand to her stomach.

"I'm gonna...I'm gonna go lie down." she says. He nods, and she hugs him tighter once more. "I love you." she says. He smiles and kisses her lips. He places his hand in her hair, and looks into her eyes. He smiles and she smiles back. He lets her hand go as she turns to walk up the stairs. She bites her lip, and holds her stomach as she walks up the stairs. She walks towards her room, but then changes her mind. Instead she finds herself walking towards the nursery. She walks in and sees the brown and pink paint she bought for this room. She was going to keep the light green, but she was going to paint a tree and a few monkey's on the wall. She had two shades of brown, two shades of pink. The way she imagined it was perfect. There was going to be a tree coming out from behind the crib. The tree would have pink leaves, and monkeys hanging all over it. Each monkey would be holding a letter of her name. She'd been looking at names lately, and she found one she really loved. She wasn't sure about it yet though. Soon the paint was open and she was moving the brush along the wall. About an hour passes by, and she hears Derek coming up the stairs. She doesn't care though. She just keeps painting. With every stroke of her brush it's a release of her stress. Derek walks in to see a full tree painted. He smiles when he sees her working on pink leaves. She has a look of concentration on her face that he loves. He walks up behind her and places his hands on her waist. She continues to paint. She knows he's there, but she wants to keep working.

"Baby...dinner's done." he says. She nods, but makes no move to leave with him. She focus' on the leaf she's creating. He smiles, and grabs her hand for a moment. She stops and stays still afraid to mess it up. "It's time for a break anyways." he says in her ear. She nods, and puts her hand down. She places the brush on the floor on a sheet. "Come on babe." he says. She takes his hand, and places her other one on her swollen stomach. She stays silent as they make there way down the steps. After dinner she stares at her boyfriend as he takes the plates from her and puts them away. She bites her lip, and feels her lip tremble. He opens his arms, and she stands. She lets him wrap his arms around her as the tears start to fall.

"Why come back now? Why after 37 years...he...he...why?" she asks. He shakes his head.

"I don't know baby." he says. She continues to cry in his arms.

* * *

A week passed and Emily was feeling a bit better. The nursery was complete. Derek and Emily were cuddled in bed, and then the phone rang. Emily sighed because she knew who it was. It was Penelope, and Derek had to leave her bed. Derek reached over and grabbed his phone answering. She sighed, and stayed on her side. He cuddled close to her neck, and kissed the back of it. "I have to go princess." he whispers. She just nods.

"I know." she says sadly. Every time he leaves she feels sadness overwhelm her. She knows she can't change it though, and she understands. He kisses her and the little one goodbye with a wide smile. She smiles back at him, and kisses him hard on the lips.

"We'll miss you daddy." she says with a smile. He laughs. "We love you sooo much." she says. He laughs, and he kisses her again. Soon one kiss turns into more, and more turns into him trailing kisses down her neck. He sucks on a specific spot and bites her lightly. She giggles and makes him move away. "If you don't stop, you're going to be in trouble." she says. He smiles.

"I'll just say that my hot pregnant wife made me late. Hotch will understand." he says attacking her neck again. She laughs and moans.

"You really have to go." she says. He nods, and kisses her once more. About twenty minutes she later she felt the spot her fiance had kissed and she groaned. He left a mark. She knew he did. She let out a laugh, and rolled her eyes. He was gone, and might as well make breakfast.

She spent most of the day doing nothing till about noon. That's when she heard the knock on the door. She went to it and gasped when she opened it. A hand stopped the door from shutting in his face. "Emily, please. Here me out." he says. She sighs loudly getting the point that this couldn't continue the way it was.

"You have a tongue. Speak." she says angrily. He looks at her and can't help but grin a little. He then frowned and got to his story.

"I am sober now. I don't drink at all. I...I never stopped caring about you. From the moment you were born to right now I have loved my Butterfly." he says. She bit her lip and turned from him. She shook her head.

"Get to the point." she says.

"I tried to contact you for all tat time, but...your mom wouldn't let me...she wouldn't let me talk to you. I tried last year and all she said was that you were gone. They told me you had died, and I went to your funeral. It broke me Emily. I started to drink again. Things got so bad. I was lost for a while. I went to rehab and when I got out I read about an FBI's agent return from the dead. I was shocked, and I had to...I had to come see you. I know it's been a year, but I just got out Butterfly. I just got out of rehab and you're..." he says. She watches as he sits, and looks at her. She can see the pain in his eyes. She knows how addictions are. She's never had one that has made her a violent ass, but she's sure as hell had them. She's had an addiction that made her crazy, and reckless. That has made her not care about her life. She knows about addictions and she knows what they can do to someone.

"I...it'll take a long time to forgive you...I still remember the last time you...I remember the last time you hit mom. When you yelled at her, and she told you to get out. I remember it, and it...how do I know you won't fall off the wagon? That you won't show up to my house, and possibly hurt me? How do I know that?" she asks him. He looks at her with a sad expression.

"Butterfly...I won't. I love you, and I love that baby too." he says. She shakes her head.

"I don't know if I'm ready to trust you yet." she says quietly. He nods, then looks at her neck.

"What is that?" he asks. She rubs it, and smirks. She shakes her head.

"A mark. My fiance left. He can do that. I'm over 40 and I'm getting married." she says. He looks at it, and his lips form a straight line.

"I know. It's still not okay." he says sternly.

"Oh God. You would've hated my teenage years." Emily says with a small chuckle. "Mom wasn't really around, so I had no one to watch over me so...well...I kinda did what I wanted." she says softly. He looks at her.

"I'm sorry." he says. She tries not to think of the fact that if he was there someone else would've been at the house. She wouldn't have been aloud to have Nick over. He would've never hurt her. She would've never did drugs. "I'm sorry that you had to...that you felt like you had too...I'm just...I'm sorry." he says. She nods.

"Well...you can't change the past. I know that better than anyone. I have learned you can change the future though, and...and I'm willing to give you a second chance. My friends gave me a second chance to trust them. Derek gave me a second chance to love him. I...it'll take time though." she says. He smiles a wide smile, and puts his hand out.

"Thank you. Thank you so much Emily." he says. She nods, and puts her hand on her stomach.

"Do you...do you wanna see the nursery?" she asks timidly. He looks at her with wide eyes, and nods. She waves him on, and moves up the stairs him following. When he walks in he smiles.

"It's a girl?" he asks. She nods. He smiles even wider and looks around. He lets out a breathy chuckle. "I remember when I found out what you were. I was so happy. I was so happy to be having you. Liz and I...our marriage was on the rocks. It was early. She got pregnant before we actually knew what love was. We were just crazy kids. When I saw you though...I knew I could never love another human being more than I loved you..." he says. "I'm gonna be a grandpa." he says. "She's gonna be beautiful. Like her mama." he says. Emily keeps her distance, but can't help the smile that forms when he talks about her baby. "I'm gonna buy her clothes, and spoil her every chance I get. I'll get it right this time Emily. She'll get all my love and then some. When can I meet...um..." he tries to find the name.

"Derek." she says. "Derek Morgan." she says. He nods. "He'll...we can set up a time. He's not really...happy with you right now." she says softly. Her father smiles a bit.

"Good. That means the boy has some reason." he says. "He takes care of you right? He'll be good to you?" he said with a sincere look. She smiles a bit and nods.

"Yeah...he takes care of me." she says.

**Okay! Gotta go! Review! REVIEW!**


	28. Chapter 29

**I just want to say thank you to those who are still reading and reviewing! It means so much to me! ENJOY!**

After Emily's father had gone, Emily stayed staring at the walls of the nursery. She was thinking about her father, and all the pain he caused over the years. She knows she told him that she would give him a second chance, but she couldn't shake this feeling she had. She didn't know where to go, or who to go too. Her mother probably wouldn't listen to her, or understand her need to reconnect with a man that hasn't been in her life since she was just a young child. Derek hates him, and as much as Emily loves her fiance, Derek could hold a grudge. He didn't let things go easily, or understand things like this. She sighed, and wiped a stray tear away. He caused so much pain. If he was there maybe things would've been different. Maybe she wouldn't have been hurt by Nick, or any of the other guys that used her. Maybe she wouldn't have gotten addicted to drugs. Maybe things would've been better, maybe they would've been different. Maybe she would've been happy. She thinks to herself. She groans when the doorbell rings. She misses Derek. All she wants is his arms wrapped tightly around her. Rocking her to sleep. Holding her till dawn. She hated when he was gone, and she didn't want anymore company.

She stood, and walked down the steps slowly. She opens the door, and rubs her eyes. "Yes?" she asks, a bit rudely. She hears a fermiliar chuckle, and her eyes snap open as a smile spreads across her face.

"That's no way to greet an old woman!" Fran says with a bright smile.

"Fran!" Emily yells wrapping her arms around the old woman. Fran laughs, and hugs her back.

"It's been a long time sweetheart, and I just have to say you're glowing." she says with a smile.

"I thought I was going to pick you up at the airport tomorrow!" Emily said moving so Fran could come inside. Fran smiles.

"I wanted to surprise you!" Fran says with a laugh. "I needed to see my babies! All of them." Fran said looking at Emily's stomach. Emily smiles, but then frowns a bit.

"Well...Derek's on a case." Emily says. "He got called away early this morning." Emily says. Fran nods, and hugs her. Then studies her face.

"Why were you crying?" she asks quickly. Emily goes to speak but Fran stops her again. "No. Don't tell me you're fine. Why were you crying? Does it have anything to do with my boy because I swear to God if it does then I will-" Emily stops Fran with a laugh, and a hand up.

"It's not Derek, I promise. It's just something happened a bit ago, and it just threw me for a loop." she says. "Odd enough when you rang the doorbell I was praying for an ear to listen to my problems." Emily said looking down. Fran smiled and took her hand.

"Well I'm here now." Fran says with a smile. Emily smiles back and then hugs her again.

"I'm so glad you came." Emily said.

* * *

After tea, and unpacking the doorbell rang again. Emily laughed, and rolled her eyes. "I swear to Jesus I'm having Derek uninstall that godforsaken doorbell." Emily says getting up to answer it. Fran laughs at her, and sips her drink. Emily opens the door to see her mother standing there with a bottle of wine, and a bag of tuber-wear that smells delicious.

"The food is for us, and the wine is for me. Today has sucked." Elizabeth says. Emily smiles a bit, and looks down.

"What kind of food?" Emily asks with a smirk. Elizabeth laughs.

"I cleared out the fridge of leftovers." Liz says with a chuckle. She smiles when Emily's eyes go wide.

"Yes!" Emily says taking out stramboli from the bag. "You have permission to enter my home." Emily says letting Elizabeth in. Fran then decides to walk up from the living room.

"Oh, hello! Fran Morgan." Fran says holding out her hand. Elizabeth's eyes go wide.

"Oh yeah! Derek's mom is here." Emily says, still eyeing the Italian food. Both of the older woman laugh at her.

"She's rude, and crazy I apologize. Elizabeth Prentiss." Elizabeth says. Fran smiles. "Very nice to meet you." Elizabeth adds.

"Very nice to meet you also. What did you bring?" Fran asks. Emily smiles.

"Everything! Best food you'll ever eat." Emily smiles walking into the kitchen. "Baby loves her grandma!" Emily says taking out the food and plopping it on a plate.

"I also brought wine if you'd like to share. It's my favorite." Elizabeth says. Emily frowns.

"That means you brought my favorite!" Emily whines. Liz laughs.

"Well guess you shoulda thought about that." Fran says tapping Emily's stomach. "So what brings you here Elizabeth?" Fran says. Elizabeth sighs. Emily gives her a look.

"Oh nothing important." Elizabeth brushes off, hiding her feelings about the subject. Fran gives her a warming smile.

"It's alright. I'm not a big fan of wine. Actually I've never really had much." Fran says looking at the food. Elizabeth smiles.

"You'll like it! It goes better while eating Italian food." Elizabeth says with a grin. They all set out their plates and sit down to eat. Fran takes a bite and her eyes go wide.

"Mmm...this is wonderful! Who made it?" Fran asks moaning as she takes another bite.

"David Rossi. Owner of the Rossi mansion." Emily says stuffing her face with fettuccine. Fran's eye brows raise.

"I read his books! He works with Derek. Wait, he's on a case with Derek. How'd you get all this food?" Fran asks. Elizabeth smiles.

"I live with him." Elizabeth says. Fran smiles and raises her eye brows.

"Oh." Fran says with a smile. "You live in the mansion?" Fran asks. Elizabeth laughs and smiles. "Oh so that means you get this wine, and food everyday!" Fran says with a laugh.

"I know! Not fair!" Emily says looking at her mother. The three women laugh, and Fran shakes her head. The rest of the night is filled with laughter and stories of childhood. It was a fun night. Emily showed Elizabeth and Fran the baby's room, and they had all laughed and smiled about that. In the end it was a perfect night, considering what it had followed, she was happy about that.

* * *

The next few days were about the same. Fran was around, and Emily was happy about that. She wanted Derek home though. She missed him. She called and said this case was harder than most. He told her how much he just wanted to be home. She smiled, and told him she loved him and how she wanted him to come home safe. They talked about names a bit more. He told her a cheesy joke, and she laughed out loud so much it woke Fran. Emily's phone was on the charger. She glanced at it when it started to vibrate. She walked over to it, and saw an unknown number. She opened it and answered. "Prentiss." she says. She sighs hearing the voice on the other line.

"Hello Butterfly. I was just wondering if it was okay to stop by again. Maybe we could spend the day together." he said. Emily bit her lip.

"I...Derek's mom is visiting this week, and I just don't think it's..." she trails off, and he sighs.

"Okay. I'm sorry Emily." he says.

"I have to go." she says. She goes to hang it up, but not before she hears him say 'I love you'. She knew she was probably hurting him but he hurt her for years. When she puts the phone down she feels herself getting emotional about it. She places her fingers on her eyes, and wipes the tears away. Fran walks behind her, and places a hand on Emily's back.

"Are you okay, dear?" she asks quietly. Emily nods.

"Yeah..." Emily says, but the shakiness in her voice betrays her words. She lets out a small sob, and Fran pulled Emily into her arms. They both sat on the couch, and Emily cried.

"Tell me what's going on. You've cried about this three times since I've been here." Fran says. Emily nods, and wipes her tears away.

"My dad was an alcoholic. He used to...beat my mom. She kicked him out when I was five. I haven't...I haven't seen him since. I remember some things though. Like...the last time I saw him hit her." Emily says. Fran frowned, and Emily wiped more tears away. "My whole life I told people...he was...I told people he was dead. I told Derek he was dead. I...he showed up the other day, and it caused a big thing. He wants to reconnect with me and I...I...just...I don't know anymore." Emily says. She bites her lip, and sighs. "I want too, and he looked so excited about the baby. I just don't know. He's sober now, and doing good. I just...mom won't understand, and..." Emily stops when Fran puts her hand on Emily's arm.

"Do what you think is right sweetheart. Don't let Elizabeth, or Derek, or anyone else stop you from doing what is right." Fran says. Emily nods, and places her hands on her stomach.

"I just...I'm scared that I'll have her, and then he'll be around. Then she'll get attached, and he may..." she stops, and Fran nods.

"Leave..." Fran says. Emily nods slowly.

"I'm thinking about her too. I'm just so scared." Emily says. Fran nods, and wraps Emily in a hug. A few hours later they sit there talking. When the door opens and a yell floats through the house.

"Princess! Mama! I'm home!" he says. Emily smiles, and gets up with Fran. They walk to the front door, and Derek wraps his arms around his mother first. Emily stands by and smiles. "Mama it's been too long." he says. She nods with a chuckle.

"I know it has!" she says. "Now hug your fiance and your child. I'll be in the kitchen." Fran says. Derek smiles, and wraps his arms around Emily tightly.

"It's been too long baby." he says with a smile. She looks up at him, and he laughs at her. He leans down and kisses her lips. She opens her mouth to him, and he groans. "I want you tonight." he says. She laughs.

"Well your mother is here." she says. He shakes his head, and attacks her neck. She laughs and moans a bit.

"Well we spent the night and did it in your room with your mother way closer than my mother is right now." Derek said. Emily laughs.

"Fine. Thank God I'm not that big yet." Emily says running a hand down her stomach. Derek leans down and kisses it.

"Hello to you too my sweet monkey." Derek says. Emily smiles. "I will have you tonight." Derek says kissing her again. Emily smiles then winks.

"We'll see." Emily says. Fran walks back in, and shakes her head at the couple.

"Dinner?" she asks. Derek laughs and nods.

**Next up Emily and Derek try to get away with something naughty...or maybe she denies him. I don't really know! Thanks for the reviews! I need MORE! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! XD**


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